


Cookies & Cream

by KatrinaRice



Series: Papa bear and grumpy gremlin [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: ...and of course there's smut..., Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Body Positivity, Christmas celebrations, Christmas collaboration, Fatwin, Fic and Art, M/M, Marriage, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, fat erwin, fat!win
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 17:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 50,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21832321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatrinaRice/pseuds/KatrinaRice
Summary: Gingerbread, fruitcake, pudding and eggnog: Christmas is Erwin’s favourite festive season. He can sleep in, read to his heart’s content, and his husband Levi creates the finest sugary treats for him, the raven-haired being the sweetest of them all. There’s only one problem that could ruin the holidays for the couple: Erwin’s self-confidence.-----D'oki and I are excited to share our Christmas collaboration with you guys! Enjoy the Christmas celebrations of Erwin and his lovely husband Levi in the form of this fic and the beautiful art made by D'oki.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Series: Papa bear and grumpy gremlin [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1578319
Comments: 92
Kudos: 123





	1. Sugar roasted almonds and mulled wine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, everyone!
> 
> The wonderful, art-creating D’oki and I met on Twitter, bonded quickly over our love for Eruri, enjoy discussing fics, psychological matters and trivial things – like cookies! – and some months ago we both fell in love with fat!win after seeing some fanarts, and started discussing the idea of a “squishy” Erwin…
> 
> And now here we are, official welcoming you all to our Christmas “art and fic-fatwin” collaboration! 
> 
> Each chapter depicts a day of Erwin and his husband’s life, preparing and celebrating Christmas and will be uploaded on the corresponding day – so tomorrow you will already have chapter 2 uploaded, the fourth and last one on 26th of December.
> 
> You can find our update Twitter-thread here by the way, holding all the info concerning this collab: https://twitter.com/SummoningIsis/status/1196112561843965952?s=20
> 
> D’oki has created some pieces of art depicting the scenes from the fic which I will be adding here as soon as she publishes them – but make sure to check out her profile to see ALL of her art for this project as well as all her other amazing eruri-creations: https://twitter.com/Eruvin_Smisu
> 
> And also follow me on Twitter for updates on all of my fics, general chat about anything – like cookies! – and eruri-stuff/smut, haha: https://twitter.com/SummoningIsis 
> 
> We really had a LOVELY and FUN time creating this for over a month and we hope you will like it! Every comment here and on Twitter on D’oki’s art are HIGHLY appreciated! May you have a merry time with family, friends, and our fatwin and his lovely husband Levi!
> 
> KAT + D’OKI

__

_23 rd of December_

It’s a sweet fragrance that invades his dreams and ultimately makes Erwin stir in their comfy, big bed and wake up. The sunshine is pouring in from outside, and it’s just as the weather forecast promised: freezing temperatures and a clear sky. The perfect conditions for the beginning of his Christmas holiday.

Erwin stretches, and as he does, he takes in a deep breath – and he groans, and it’s a sound of pure delight. Because the wonderful aroma that woke him up infiltrates his whole being now, and it’s so, so lovely. And as his senses begin to sharpen, he can finally determine some of the components: it’s cinnamon and apple, a hint of vanilla. The ultimate winter combination.

Just as Erwin sits up and grabs his mobile to check the time, the door swings open, and in walks his husband of ten years. Levi’s wearing one of his seasonal aprons over his black sweatpants and pullover – the bright red one with white, glittering stars that Erwin got him for last year’s celebration, for Levi’s 39th birthday. In just two days his husband will reach the magical number of 40, and seeing how relaxed the raven-haired is about that fact, how he embraces his age and doesn’t feel old at all, makes Erwin love him even more.

“Good morning, _sugar cookie_ ,” Levi mumbles, his thin lips forming a warm smile as he walks over to the bed, balancing a plate in his hands with a cup of freshly brewed coffee and a piece of that wonderful creation out of the oven that woke Erwin up, both aromas now mingling and wafting over to the blond, who suppresses a snort at Levi’s favourite pet name for him – because it’s _cute_ and Erwin is anything _but_ cute. He’s a 45-year-old, _fat_ geezer with more and more wrinkles on his face, all around his big eyes and thick mouth, with an already growing number of grey strands in his fair hair, a saggy butt, chubby belly and fucking _man boobs_. He’s definitely _not_ an alluring treat, definitely _not_ a _sugar cookie_.

But seeing the adorably happy expression on Levi’s face as the man places the tray with the beverage and food onto his big husband’s lap, sitting down onto the mattress and literally _beaming_ as he looks at Erwin, makes it so hard for the blond to concentrate on those things, and all he can do is smile back at Levi.

“You need to try it,” the raven says, pointing to the plate, “I’ve come up with a new recipe for apple pie and trust me: it’s gold.”

It _is_ gold.

When Erwin takes the first bite of this dish, his eyes almost roll to the back of his head and an exquisite moan escapes his throat, and his plans of only taking one bite and then telling Levi that he isn’t hungry yet, in order to save some calories, is thrown right out of the fucking window – because the pie tastes amazing. Like a mega Christmas treat-dream come true. It’s sweet, but not too sweet, juicy but not too juicy, the apples a bit sour but not too sour and the cinnamon present but not too overwhelming.

“Oh God...” Erwin groans, immediately going in for another bite, because fuck it, it’s Christmas, right? And you can treat yourself to something nice during the holidays, right? Everybody does that!

...and this apple pie is just so delicious...

…so he might as well just have it for breakfast…

“You like it?” Levi asks, his voice a little bit excited, a little bit sultry, and when Erwin looks at him, his mouth still full, his husband’s lips pull into a light smirk, the one that makes him looks _so_ attractive.

Erwin swallows the best pie he has ever eaten, and nods heavily. “God, it’s _really_ good, honey...” he says, or rather breathes out, and his remark makes Levis’ smirk turn back into a warm smile.

“I’m so glad you like it,” the noirette responds, obviously smitten, and then suddenly he’s cupping Erwin’s pouty cheek, bending forward and pressing his mouth onto Erwin’s, which is slightly covered by tiny crumbs of the pie, before the man can take another bite. “Mhmmm...” Levi groans afterwards, contentedly licking over his lips that have picked up some of the miniature treat-pieces, “you _look_ and you _taste_ sweet, _sugar_.”

Erwin huffs out a little laugh and Levi’s fingers softly brush over his face before retreating, and Erwin, after all those years that they have been together, still feels absolutely blessed to have Levi in his life – even though he doesn’t get what Levi sees in him, cannot possibly begin to understand how this handsome man can find him, out of all people, _sweet_ , let alone _attractive_ and—

“Eat up,” Levi’s smooth voice breaks up Erwin’s thoughts, “there’s more where that came from,” he says, pointing at the pie, before he presses his lips to Erwin’s forehead and leaves their bedroom to return to the kitchen, and when Erwin’s done with his coffee and piece of pie, has taken a shower and walks downstairs, a whole concoction of sweetly odours hits him – and Erwin feels as if he just _hadn’t_ eaten that piece of apple pie, because his mouth is watering and his belly is slightly rumbling, as if it hadn’t been just fed.

The four big bowls on top of their big coffee table next to their enormous comfy couch draw his attention and he’s amazed. Each is filled with a different kind of, obviously freshly baked cookies. And it’s only 11 in the morning. When did Levi—

“Vanilla crescents, frosted eggnog as well as gingerbread oatmeal cookies, and miniature pistachio-cranberry rugelach,” the raven explains each sort as he suddenly appears right next to Erwin.

“…when the hell did you get up?” the blond asks him, eyes wide, not able to decide which of those creations looks the best, because they _all_ do; they all look and smell _fantastic_ , and knowing Levi they also taste fantastic.

“I woke up at 4 and couldn’t fall asleep again, so I decided to use my time wisely instead of just lazing around,” Levi explains shrugging.

“Four?!” Erwin’s shocked. “Did you… did you have nightmares, or…?”

“Um…” Levi mumbles and smiles somewhat shyly, or rather uncomfortable, his hand rubbing his chin – and Erwin instantly knows what’s wrong.

“I was snoring again, wasn’t I?”

Their eyes meet and Levi’s smile grows soft. “Yeah… but don’t worry about it. If I hadn’t gotten up this early, I would have never finished all this in time. Also: I already did the grocery shopping and cleaned the rest of the house, so we have the whole day to ourselves. Sounds good, huh?”

Erwin sighs. He feels bad.

Lately, his snoring has become a problem, keeping his husband awake or making it impossible for him to fall asleep if he isn’t the first one to drift off. But Levi refuses to have separate bedrooms. And if he has to be honest, Erwin is glad about that, because he _doesn’t_ want to sleep without his husband by his side. But he also doesn’t want to torture him. “I’ll go see a doctor after the holidays,” he tells him in an apologetic tone, “I can’t be keeping you up all the time.”

“Fine, Erwin,” Levi tells him calmly, putting his hand onto the man’s shoulder, “do that. You wanted to do a check-up anyway. But promise me now that you won’t obsess over it, okay? I’m a light sleeper and an early bird anyway; and thinking of all the stuff I wanted to shop, bake and cook kept me up anyways, and do you know how awesome it was to be the first one in the supermarket? At 7 I had it all to myself. There were only employees unpacking the fresh goods. Now, _that’s_ a shopping experience to my liking!” Levi adds, grinning, and Erwin can’t help but smile.

Because Levi is so considerate and caring and nice and beautiful and simply awesome. “I’m sorry nonetheless, honey,” Erwin murmurs, bending down and pressing a kiss onto his husband’s forehead. “I really am, also because I didn’t help you with the groceries and cleaning. You should have just woken me up.”

Levi scoffs. “Fuck, no,” he spits out, “you’re on _holidays_ , and waking you up early is the fucking last thing I will do. You work so hard the whole fucking year, you deserve a break. So just lean back while I clean up the kitchen, and try those fucking cookies – I need you to pick out two favourites which I will be serving on the 25th, all right, _cupcake_?”

…that’s _another_ one of Levi’s absurdly sweet pet names for him, and Erwin has to suppress another snort, instead focussing his thoughts on the date mentioned. Traditionally, they will be hosting a big Christmas dinner, foremost celebrating Levi’s birthday, and all of their closest friends will be there. Hange and Moblit, Mike and Nabana, Oluo and Petra as well as Gunther and Eld. And traditionally, Levi will ban Erwin from the kitchen and prepare everything by himself.

Erwin’s husband used to be a chef at a big restaurant. He quit five years ago – because of many reasons. The working hours were shit – as Levi likes to phrase it himself – and they prevented them from spending time together. Erwin would be home alone in the evenings during most of the days of the week. Dates on the weekend were especially a hassle, because Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays were the busiest days if you worked a job like that. Sometimes it felt as if they had a long-distance relationship even though they were living together.

Another reason for calling it quits was Levi’s passion for cooking – and baking. Because cooking in a restaurant had nothing to do with pouring love into the dish; that’s also the way Levi had put it, growing more frustrated with his job with every passing day, thoroughly enjoying the times when he had a day off and could spend it alone and relaxed in _their_ kitchen, listening to his favourite music or audio books while trying out all the things that didn’t have to match a menu, didn’t have to be fancy and sell good; dishes he could serve Erwin when the man returned from work and who would gobble them up and groan and moan with pleasure and praise him, be grateful for all the lovely food – and all of that would make Levi smile that breath-taking tender smile of his.

So when Levi had a big argument with his boss and left the restaurant, vowing to never return, Erwin suggested for him to just… stay home. After all, as a school director he was making enough money to support both of them. And Levi agreed. And to this day, he doesn’t regret his decision, blossoms as a stay-at-home husband – and hobby cook as well as pastry chef.

They aren’t rich, far from it without Levi’s income, but they are able to afford a good middle-class lifestyle. Two used cars, one a Ford, the other a smaller Toyota, a medium-sized house built in the 1960s, that probably could use some refurbishing here and there, with a small garden in a village not far from a big city where Erwin works on the outskirts, never worrying about the fridge not being full.

Maybe some people would not be pleased with this, but Erwin definitely is, desires nothing more, doesn’t need tailored suits, a huge, modern home resembling a villa with smart home appliances and all that fancy tech stuff, a high-class car, holidays in Dubai or the Maldives in five-star hotels. And Levi feels the same way, also emphasizing often enough when people ask him if he isn’t bored with staying at home all day that it is quite the opposite, and that he actually _never_ runs out of things to do and _never_ has enough time to fulfil all of his daily set tasks – and that thinking about taking on another full-time job at a restaurant is making him feel almost physically sick.

All in all, he is a _very_ proud stay-at-home husband, who occasionally earns some ‘pocket money’ with baking cakes for some neighbours’ parties, weddings and other events, or working some small catering jobs for friends and acquaintances. He keeps it to a minimum though, only takes ‘jobs’ if he has fun working them, even turned down Erwin’s idea of setting up his own business. ‘Too much of a hassle and too time-consuming,’ Levi would say, waving his hand dismissively. He wants to focus on their household, their marriage, on cooking for Erwin. And when somebody criticises Levi for having become too dependent in any way from Erwin, the blond just chuckles – and Levi snorts, flicking the person off and then just ignoring them.

Because, truth be told, with his expertise and talent Levi could find a new job with no problem whenever he wanted… and even _without_ it, the raven is the _real_ boss of the Ackerman household...

“Earth to Erwin,” Levi’s voice breaks up the blond man’s train of thoughts, “eat the cookies and pick a favourite.”

“Oh. Yes. Of course. Sorry.”

“You want another coffee for your little tasting task?” Levi enquires, pointing to the empty mug in Erwin’s hand.

“That... would be lovely. But I can get it myself, you don’t—”

Levi scoffs, nearly ripping the mug out of Erwin’s grasp. “I told you to sit down and eat the cookies, _Mr. Ackerman_ ,” he practically _orders_ , and Erwin cannot suppress a daft smile at that. After all those years he still finds it charming to be addressed this way by his husband, by his ‘new’ surname; and after all those years Levi is still as bossy as ever – and it’s just as much sexy as it is adorable.

“Yes, Sir,” Erwin answers grinning, and Levi’s rolling his eyes, walking away to refill his husband’s coffee mug, who’s taking a seat on the sofa and cannot decide which cookie he should try first, repeating to himself that it’s Christmas and everybody eats a lot of sweets during this festive season, and that it’s totally okay for him to do the same, because Levi’s right and he’s _earned_ this by working so hard all the time, he _deserves_ those treats.

He’s gonna start his diet after the holidays, take the beginning of the new year as a starting point for his new lifestyle with less cookies, less chocolate, less meat, less pasta, less bread and rolls, and with more exercise and movement in general; he’s gonna _eat_ healthy and he’s gonna _live_ healthy, once January starts. Once the new year begins, everything will change.

…but hadn’t he said that _last year_ , too? Last _month_ actually? And the month _before_ that? And the month before _that?_ And—

“So? Which one do you like best?” Levi’s voice startles him, the raven placing the steaming mug of coffee in front of Erwin looking expectantly at his spouse.

“Um, I… I haven’t actually tried them yet,” Erwin confesses, offering an apologetic smile.

Levi sighs, folding his arms in front of his chest. “Do you need me to force-feed you?” he asks, sounding like a stern teacher, which makes Erwin chuckle, because he’d always thought Levi would be perfect as an educator and could totally kick young people’s asses – in a good way.

“Would you do that, darling?” Erwin teases, deciding to start with the frosted eggnog cookies – because he simply _loves_ eggnog and anything that has to do with it.

“If you stopped eating my food, I probably would, yeah,” Levi answers, watching Erwin try the first treat. “How is it?” he immediately enquires after the blond swallows it down. And the Erwin moans.

“Oh God…” _They’re so tasty_.

Levi flops down onto the sofa right next to his husband, his lips pulled into another excited smile. “Try the vanilla crescents next.”

Erwin does.

“How are they?”

“Oh God…” _They’re so tasty_.

Levi snickers. “Now the gingerbread ones.”

Erwin reaches out for the mentioned cookies and takes a bite.

“…how are those?”

He groans: “Oh God…” _Because they’re so tasty_.

Levi grabs the last treat, a pistachio-cranberry rugelach, grinning almost wickedly now. “Open your mouth,” he tells Erwin, and when the blond obeys, Levi practically shoves the little piece of sugary goodness into his mouth, making Erwin chuckle – and groan at the same time. Because this thing is just… _it’s freaking perfect_. “Guess we have a winner, huh?” Levi mumbles in an amused tone.

“Mh-mmmm…!” Erwin agrees, mouth still full with the pastry he’s chewing. “Fuck,” he moans, when he is finished, and Levi has another one of his favourites already in his hand, holding it in front of Erwin’s mouth. And the blond wants to resist, he really wants to, but the pistachio-cranberry smell is too much, and the way the rugelach looks (so beautiful and tasty!), and the way _Levi’s_ looking at him, wanting to put the treat created with so much love and passion into his mouth softly now, not force-feeding him as a joke – it’s totally cracking Erwin’s resolve, it’s making him weak, and… And fuck it, it’s Christmas, right? He’ll just take Titan out for an extremely long walk to get rid of some of the cookie calories, right? And so Erwin opens his mouth again obediently and lets himself be fed by Levi.

Another rugelach, another gingerbread-oatmeal cookie, another vanilla thingy. _And they are all soooo lovely_.

“And…” Levi probes again, “which one is your second favourite?”

Erwin presses his lips together and he knows his husband will not be happy with his answer. Levi’s already raising one of his thin, dark brows, looking quite sceptically at the blond, and Erwin clears his throat, taking a sip of the coffee. “Um…”

“Um, _what_ , Erwin? What? I need results. Now.”

_…you can take the chef out of the busy restaurant kitchen, you can never take the busy restaurant kitchen out of the chef_ , Erwin thinks, grinning slightly.

Yet he still fears for his life. A little at least.

“I… I like all of them the same,” he confesses, taking another big sip of the coffee, “because they’re all delicious, Levi, I’m sorry. They really are.”

Levi rolls his eyes, groaning – but the man _can’t_ suppress the satisfied smile into which his lips are pulling and which make him look so pretty and cute. “You big fucking, moronic tree,” he curses softly, and that’s when Erwin can’t resist another urge; and this time it doesn’t have to do anything with devouring cookies.

Or maybe it does.

Because his hand slides into his husband’s neck, moving up to cup his head, fingers brushing over the short hairs of his neatly trimmed undercut – and then he’s bending down, pressing his lips against Levi’s, and he feels his husband’s hand clasping his big upper arm, as he’s responding to the kiss, leaning in, deepening it, in fact, Levi’s tongue flicking over his lips, prompting them to let him in, and Erwin complies, opening his mouth and allowing their wet muscles to meet and dance around each other, until suddenly Levi pulls away, leaving Erwin snogging the air for a second, like a teenager practising French kissing on his own before a super embarrassing date.

“Yuck,” Levi mumbles, grimacing and wiping his twisted mouth with the back of his hand, “coffee… _Ew!_ ”

And Erwin sighs, smiling softly. Because Levi really _does_ hate coffee.

“Anyways,” the noirette picks up, once he is done with allegedly scraping the bitter taste off his tongue, getting up to his feet, “I’m gonna go take a shit and then we should take Titan out for a walk.”

“Where is he anyway?” Erwin asks, totally used to Levi declaring crude things like going to take a dump that he doesn’t even realize they’re crude anymore.

“Last time I saw him he was asleep in your study.”

“Well, I’m gonna go check,” Erwin says, also getting up and walking to the small room at the end of the hall overlooking their garden, while Levi goes upstairs to their bathroom.

The raven was right. Titan – a tiny, ten-year-old, black, smooth-haired dachshund – is sleeping on Erwin’s armchair in the man’s reading corner, looking ridiculously sweet. “Hey, my boy…” Erwin murmurs as he walks closer, and Titan stirs a little, finally opening his eyes as Erwin’s squatting down to pet him, and as soon as the blond man’s hand touches the dog’s fur, Titan’s eyes open fully and he starts wagging his little tail, making soft sounds of happiness as he receives his beloved ear-scratches and belly rubs from his master. Or rather: _one_ of his masters.

Erwin’s still amazed Levi agreed to getting dog all those years ago, being what you could call a cat person. “Your face lights up whenever you are around dogs,” was the explanation that came with a nonchalant shrug, “and I like that face.” This is how Titan walked into their life, when _they_ walked into the dog shelter. The dachshund was instantly in love with Erwin and Erwin was instantly in love with the dachshund, and Levi almost fell down to his knees because he was laughing so hard. “Your size difference is even more ridiculous than _ours_!” he bellowed, wiping tears from his eyes, not able to calm down, making all the people look at them, and Titan bark happily, his tail wagging – and seeing Levi laugh like that, made Erwin’s face light up even more than just being around dogs.

…and when Erwin suggested to call the small dog Titan, as they were on their way home, Levi nearly lost control over the car because he broke into another laughing fit, and happily agreed.

“Wanna go for a walk, huh? You wanna go out with Levi and me? Into the forest? Huh, my sweet boy?” Erwin blabbers in this silly way people talk to dogs as if they were babies, petting Titan, who now tries to lick his owner’s face, and Erwin happily lets him – because he knows that Levi’s not gonna walk in and scold his husband for doing something disgusting with the dog.

He does clean himself up though, before he puts Titan into a small winter jacket bought at an online pet store, because the smooth fur is not enough to protect their tiny bean from the harsh winter cold, and attaches a leash to his collar, the small dog now totally excited about going out, even though his most favourite thing to do is sleep inside of the house – if he’s not busy eating the dog cookies Levi bakes for him. And even though the colour of his fur matches the Levi’s hair colour, in many ways Titan is definitely more like Erwin – because Erwin also enjoys sleeping at all kinds of places inside of their house and eating things Levi cooks and bakes for him.

However, unlike Erwin, Titan is not overweight…

They let Titan off the leash as soon as they enter the narrow path between fields behind their house that leads straight into the woods and the small dog begins to run around like crazy, barking at all and nothing – and it’s a sweet sound, making Erwin smile, because it’s super cute.

“Wish I had his energy,” Levi comments, watching their dog carrying a branch that is twice his size.

“Well,” Erwin starts, thinking about their little exchange this morning, that’s making him feel slightly bad again, “you would have, if your fatass-husband wasn’t snoring like a walrus and you could actually _sleep_ at night…”

Levi scoffs, rolling his eyes, and then looks at Erwin with that ‘stop talking shit’-look he’s perfected. “Erwin,” he says, “you’re not snoring _like a walrus_ …”

“Like a bull dog then?”

Levi clicks his tongue. “No…” he says, a little bit annoyed, and Erwin knows he should just drop it… but he can’t.

Because he feels frustrated with himself, not even really knowing where this is coming from, because it’s almost Christmas, and the sun is shining, and he should be happy, but right now in this moment he isn’t, and maybe, he considers, he _does_ know where his frustration is coming from. Because when he just tried putting on his old favourite winter coat that Levi brought down from the attic a few days ago when he was looking for some more Christmas decorations, he couldn’t, because it was too small, and Erwin couldn’t even start zipping it up, because his belly was in the way and…

“Do I sound more like a _bear_?” Erwin mutters, and Levi groans. “…like a _boar_?” Erwin mumbles – and that’s when Levi snaps.

The noirette just suddenly stops dead in his tracks, and so does Erwin, automatically, because he’s irritated, turning his head to look at his husband, who is glaring it him, slapping his hands against his thighs in obvious frustration. “Erwin, for fuck’s sake!” Levi curses, making Titan stop as well and look at his owners in alert. “You wanna know what your snoring sounds like? Fine! You sound like… Like an adorable cat that’s totally chilled and relaxed and fluffy and cute, and totally tired because it was playing with a ball of wool the whole day, all right?” he spits out, gesticulating with his hands. “So stop beating yourself up about it! I told you I was fine, you’ll get it sorted out and if you don’t, I’m just gonna start wearing ear plugs for the night. What’s the big fucking deal, huh?”

…and Erwin doesn’t know how to respond.

On the one hand, he feels sorry for making Levi angry, and ashamed that he took out his frustrations about himself on his husband. On the other hand, he is totally enthralled with Levi’s cat-comparison and is sure he’s blushing a bit – because Levi is just so cute and so tender towards him; it makes Erwin’s heart melt a little bit, despite the cold wind caressing their faces out here in the nature.

Levi sighs, taking a step towards Erwin. “Come here, big guy,” he says, his voice quieter, much softer now, holding out both of his arms, waiting for Erwin to lean down and into the offered embrace – and Erwin does; and it feels so good to be hugged by his husband, whose arms wrap around his big body and press him closely against his own slender form. “Don’t worry about it anymore, okay? I want you to enjoy Christmas, not be frustrated about shit you can’t change anyway.”

“I’m… sorry…” Erwin mutters and Levi presses a kiss onto his cheek.

“You’d better be,” Levi responds, letting go of Erwin and grinning when their eyes meet. “You’re gonna make it up to me then?” the raven teases.

“Uh, sure…?”

“Perfect,” Levi states, still grinning, “then for the rest of the year you are not allowed to talk about your snoring. Deal?”

Erwin sighs, once again not able to suppress a smile. Because… Because Levi is just so perfect, and how in the hell did he get so lucky? He doesn’t deserve such a wonderful husband… “Deal,” he agrees, making Levi smile now.

“Now, that’s better,” Levi says, clapping Erwin’s shoulder. “Now come on, let’s get Titan to piss and shit in the woods, go home and then leave for the city – Christmas market’s waiting!”

“Yes. Of course,” Erwin responds, truly feeling better already, the frustrations about his size and snoring pushed far to the back of his mind as they continue their walk.

As they are about halfway done with their usual forest-round, the small black dachshund suddenly comes to a full stop in front of Levi, sitting down at his feet, and thus forcing the man to stop, too. “What?” Levi complains looking down at the dog who is looking up at him expectantly, his right little paw raised – a clear signal for wanting to be picked up. “What, Titan?” Levi asks nonetheless and the dog gives a small whine. Levi sighs. “Go to Erwin!” he tells him pointing to his husband.

Titan’s head follows this motion, briefly looking at his blond master, before turning back to Levi. Then, he lets out a short, low bark, moving his raised paw, nudging Levi’s foot, continuing to look up at the man, who is sighing again – and Erwin’s lips are twitching, wanting to pull into a grin.

Levi lets out another exasperated sigh. “We’re on a walk, Titan,” he lectures their pet, “a walk – and that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do: _walk_.”

Titan whines.

Levi sighs one more time, rolling his eyes. “I’m not carrying you.”

Titan gives a mix of a whine and a bark, continuing to nudge Levi’s thick winter boot.

And the raven scoffs. “You’re a _dog_ ,” he explains to him sternly, “you’re supposed to have fun running around! So do it: run around!”

“ _Woof_!” Titan protests and Levi rolls his eyes.

“No,” he then states, shaking his head and adding a negating motion with his hand, as if the dachshund would understand, “you just took an enormous dump behind that tree over there, and now you want to rub your smelly ass all over me. Forget it, Titan.”

The dog goes: “ _Arf_!”

“Erwin!” Levi laments, looking over at his husband now, who has started to chuckle and flinches as he’s being addressed with so much power in Levi’s voice, the raven glaring at him. “It’s _your_ dog, so _you_ take him!”

“ _Woof_!”

“Um...” Erwin starts, not able to wipe the smile off his face, even though Levi’s stare is intimidating, “you know I would love to carry him. But you also know he won’t have it...”

“ _Arf!_ ”

Levi groans, closing his eyes, and Titan whines, nudging Levi’s foot relentlessly. And it’s true: Once Titan chooses one of them to carry him, he won’t allow the other to pick him up.

...and then Levi’s glaring at his husband again when Erwin takes pictures of the raven carrying the satisfied small dachshund like a baby as they continue their walk, and even though the way Levi looks at him is still very much intimidating, it is also overwhelmingly adorable, and Erwin’s even able to endure all the threats he is receiving from the younger Mr. Ackerman.

“I swear to fucking God, if you send this picture around, claiming I am cute, I’ll put rat poison in the next batch of cookies!”

Erwin chuckles. “You would _never_ , honey...”

And then Levi sighs again, looking down at the totally relaxed dachshund in his hands, contemplating the matter.

“No,” he finally agrees, his voice grown soft, “ _never_.” And Erwin’s _melting_ because... because Levi is just too fucking cute in this moment, because he’s smiling softly at the dog, and Erwin just _has_ to take another picture.

After their walk, Titan falls asleep in his dog bed almost the second Levi places him there, hanging up his little winter jacket to dry, and the two Ackermans get ready for their big afternoon out in the city. Levi’s upstairs to change into another set of trousers, and it’s then that he realizes what his husband has done.

“Oi!” he yells, stomping down the stairs, the phone in his hand, a wild expression in his blue-greyish eyes. “Erwin!” he warns him, waving the phone in front of his spouse’s face. “What the fuck have you done?!”

“…I…”

“I didn’t even know you still _used_ Facebook!” Levi practically yells and rolls his eyes after looking back onto his screen. “Fuck, seriously?” he curses, shaking his head. “ _Nile_ just liked my picture? Nile? Freaking _Nile Dok_? You’re still _friends_ with that shitface?”

“Um…” Erwin clears his throat. “Yeah, well, Nile and I go way back and…” They met in kindergarten, and—

“Fucking shit, he just had his _fourth_ child? Don’t they fucking know how to use _condoms_?” Levi continues to cuss, obviously scrolling through Nile’s page now. Which isn’t a bad thing, because this way he’s losing focus on the actual matter, Erwin thinks but – ah, he’s wrong. “I fucking told you not to send the picture of me and Titan around!” Levi complains, glaring at Erwin yet again.

“Technically,” Erwin starts, putting on his calm school director voice, “I didn’t _send it around_ , but _uploaded_ it.”

“Tch,” Levi scoffs, “I’m not one of your school kids, so don’t fucking talk to me like that!”

Erwin presses his lips together, and it’s only then that an ounce of fear invades his body, and he’s starting to lose confidence, suddenly believing that this isn’t their usual teasing anymore (with Levi being annoyed, yet not _really_ annoyed), but that Levi’s _truly_ pissed off about Erwin having posted that photo now. “I’m… I’m sorry,” he thus quickly says, “it’s just… I really like it, actually I think that’s my new favourite photo of you. But… I-I can take down, if you want. I—“

Suddenly, Levi smirks. “Your favourite photo of mine?” he picks up, a brow raised, eyes focussed on Erwin’s, his tone deep and playful, tiny bit sultry – a perfect combination. “ _I thought your favourite photo of mine was me riding your dick?_ ”

…and that just baffles Erwin, and makes his groin throb a little, because his brain instantly reminds him of _that_ picture, of what _that_ captured moment actually looks like, and his throat goes a little dry. “Um,” he starts, having to clear it, “let’s say this…” he continues, pointing to the phone in Levi’s hand, “is my favourite _innocent_ picture of you.”

Levi gives out a breathy laugh. “Fine,” he then says, stuffing the device back into his pocket. “Have your way then, but don’t freaking complain next time I send around a picture of _you_ eating cookies – or _upload_ it.”

“But I look horrific when I eat!” the objection automatically pours from Erwin’s lips and Levi, very slightly, rolls his eyes, while sighing – also very lightly.

“No, Erwin, trust me: you don’t,” he tells his husband in a soft voice, pinching his cheek. “You look absolutely _cute_ and I could watch you eating cookies all fucking day!” he adds, sounding a bit as if he was speaking to Titan, which makes _Erwin_ roll his eyes – because he knows that he looks anything _but_ cute when he’s eating, obnoxious even, and— “So, are we ready to go?” Levi asks, once again interrupting Erwin’s thoughts. “I really want to have some mulled wine!”

…and the thought of the sweet and wonderful beverage on this cold winter’s days blows all the negative thoughts instantly away, and Erwin can smile again. Especially because his husband’s so enthusiastic about their annual trip to enjoy the Christmas market on its very last day. “Yeah, let’s go.”

Their neighbour Edgar drives them to the train station. He’s a retired, friendly man, a little bit lonely because he lost his wife three years ago. That’s why Erwin and Levi often invite him over for lunch or dinner, and he insists on paying them back by being their chauffeur every now and then when they want to go out somewhere in the city to have a few drinks and thus can’t take one of their own cars – and getting out of a village without your own vehicle is fairly difficult. That’s why they’re grateful for having a neighbour like Edgar. Of course, Levi gives him a huge box filled with the four types of cookies he baked this morning, and the old man’s eyes totally light up and he’s saying thank you a thousand times all over again, and saying _goodbye_ to him thus takes up a long time so that they need to run to the platform to catch the train.

They hold hands during the twenty-minute ride and chat in hushed voices about the following days, how Levi’s looking forward to be seeing Isabel and Farlan tomorrow, how Erwin can’t wait to have a glass of wine with Mike on the 25th, because life is busy and hanging out with friends doesn’t happen as often as each of them wishes it would. But everyone has their obligations, their jobs, some of them even children to take care of. Or dogs like Titan. That’s why both Erwin and Levi love Christmas so much: It’s a time of reunion with people they hold dear, a time of catching up with everybody, and also a time to focus on each other – that’s why it’s only the two of them visiting the Christmas market.

The sweet smells of candy apples, sugar roasted almonds and mulled wine reach them, as soon as they exit the train – and it’s lovely. Makes Erwin feel instantly relaxed, makes him really understand his holidays have finally started, makes him get into the festive spirit. And he’s happy.

And they both have a great time at the market.

They walk through the artificial winter wonderland, looking at Christmas lights, listening to Christmas carols, to the laughter of the people around them. Levi gets strawberries and bananas dipped in dark chocolate, his most favourite treat, and Erwin has _his_ favourite: the little lard cakes with powdered sugar in top. Levi snatches a few – and both of their scarf get covered in the white sugary powder. But they don’t care. Not even Levi does, dusting it off a bit and then smiling at Erwin.

They stop for a their first mulled wine at a stand overlooking the river, enjoying how the alcoholic beverage is warming them up from the inside. Then, they shop a bit, get bees wax candles for their dinner table, a fancy bottle of wine, some herb mixes that are to Levi’s liking – and then they stop for eggnog liqueur and some more mulled wine, and they have very tasty salmon from the grill served with potatoes and honey-mustard-sauce, and share a portion of sweet, roasted almonds as dessert (or rather: Erwin eats them and Levi steals a few) when they drink _another_ mulled wine. And another glass of eggnog liqueur.

And then, when it’s already very dark and they are quite tipsy and in high spirits, they catch a train back to their village, and take cab from to the station to their house, holding hands the whole while, and Erwin feels as if they’d just started going out, realising how badly he needed a holiday, how badly he needed to spend some quality time with his husband, how much he’s missed this.

They unpack all of the stuff they bought, and when Titan walks up lazily to them in the kitchen, Levi gives him one of the dog treats they got at the only stand selling pet stuff, and the dachshund is super happy and super cute. Just as Levi is.

“What?” he the raven asks bluntly, as he realises that Erwin’s looking at him. “Are you checking me out, old man?” he teases and Erwin grins.

“What if I was?”

“Tch,” Levi smirks, “I’m married, so fuck off,” he jokes, flashing his wedding ring at the blond, and Erwin laughs.

“Your husband must be a very lucky man,” the blond comments, nodding approvingly.

“Believe me, that fucker is,” Levi answers, walking past Erwin into the living room, giving his spouse a hard smack onto his ass – and Erwin _yelps_ in surprise, and that sound makes Levi break out into a fit of laughter. “Come on, princess,” he prompts, “let’s change and hit the sofa, huh?”

“Uh, yeah,” Erwin agrees, rubbing his massive ass cheek Levi’s just hit, “go ahead, I will be right with you.”

Levi frowns. “You need to take a shit?”

“Yeah, uh, something like that,” Erwin answers, smiling vaguely, and pretending to be looking for a mug or anything, just to look _busy_.

Levi shrugs. “Fine,” he agrees, and then he’s gone – and Erwin relaxes. Or something like that. Because the true reason for him not wanting to go up to their bedroom with Levi is more disgusting than taking a shit. Because after all the food and all the beverages that he’s poured into his body, he just feels utterly… bloated. And Erwin knows, he _feels_ , that his belly is even bigger now because of that. And the thought of undressing in front of Levi, who is slim, slender, almost athletic, is making him feel… horrible right now. That’s why Erwin waits and only walks up the stairs when he hears Levi walking down the hallway.

The raven, already dressed in his homely attire, smiles at him. “Any movie wishes?” he asks as they walk past each other.

“Surprise me,” says Erwin, smirking lightly and Levi nods.

“Aye!”

When Erwin, dressed in grey sweatpants and a pullover, enters the living room, Levi’s already started a fire, and picked a movie on their streaming platform – “The Grinch” – waiting for his husband under the big woollen blanket. He’s also poured them each a glass of his self-made eggnog liqueur, and Erwin knows that he’s had enough for today, that he shouldn’t drink it, shouldn’t fill his stomach with anymore high-calorie liquids – but Levi’s eggnog liqueur is the fucking _best_ , and Erwin, once again, tells himself, that it’s Christmas, and that it’s okay, despite the bloated belly, and that once the new year starts, he’s gonna change and transform and become beautiful again, make himself look hot for his husband, lose all of the fat and—

“Hurry up, I wanna cuddle,” Levi complains and Erwin finally plops down onto the sofa, being instantly covered by the blanket; and Levi practically attaches himself to his side, almost climbs on top of him, and that small, warm body pressing against his is… _it’s just so wonderful_.

Erwin drapes his arms around Levi’s slender form and the raven presses a kiss onto the underside of his jaw, before leaning his head against his husband’s chest. Levi’s left arm snakes itself around Erwin’s lower back, squeezing itself between the backrest and Erwin’s body, his husband’s right hand coming to lie down on Erwin’s massive thigh. And it feels so good there, how Levi’s using his nimble fingers to rub slow, soothing circles onto Erwin’s skin covered by the thin fabric, the initial thought of how horrendously big his leg really is pushed to the back of his mind quickly.

The blond is so relaxed that he nearly whines just pathetically as Titan as Levi suddenly lets go of him. But Levi only does that to lean forward and reach for the two portions of eggnog, one of which he hands over to Erwin. “To Christmas,” he poses a toast, and they clink their glasses, smiling faintly at each other. “You like it?”

Erwin takes his first sip – and he is immediately in heaven. “Oh my God…” he groans, and Levi chuckles lowly. “It’s perfect, Levi…”

They exchange a longer lasting look, and then the raven leans forward, his free hand moving up to Erwin’s face, to cup his husband’s round cheek, and then Levi’s already pressing his lips onto Erwin’s mouth, and Erwin’s eyes fall shut, and he groans _again_ – because being kissed by Levi feels even more like heaven than his self-made, high-quality eggnog liqueur.

This time, Levi doesn’t pull away when their wet muscles meet, the movie playing in the background totally forgotten for a while. Erwin’s not sure for how long they’re kissing. Ten seconds? Fifteen? Half a minute? Time seems to slow down when they kiss, tongues swirling around in each other’s mouths, lapping up the residue of the sweetish eggnog, all motions gentle and slow.

There’s a low smacking noise when their mouths break apart, and Erwin’s wet lips immediately form a smile as he looks at his husband’s lightly flushed face, because his chest is flooded with so much warmth, his emotional centre almost overloaded with the happiness he always feels when being with this raven-haired man, realising how blessed he is with having Levi as his husband. “I love you,” the words automatically pour from his big lips, and intensify Levi’s smile, who takes another big sip of his eggnog, before setting down the glass back onto the coffee table.

Then he uses both of his hands to cup Erwin’s face and attacks his husband’s mouth again, pushing his tongue into the big man’s mouth, and Erwin’s heart starts to beat faster, and he’s wrapping his arm around Levi’s waist, his hand wandering slightly under the smaller man’s sweater, touching bare, hot skin; skin that feels so lovely, that’s flawless and simply nice. _His_.

And then suddenly Erwin tenses up slightly, because one of Levi’s hands leaves his face and moves down his throat, his chest – _his enormous man-boobs_ – fingers finally tracing down his… big, fat, round belly, and Erwin freezes, so much that he actually breaks the kiss, opening his mouth after to tell Levi, _what exactly_? He doesn’t even have the time to think about it, because Levi presses his lips back onto his husband’s, shushing him, intentionally or not, there’s no room to dwell on this, because Levi’s starting to rub his belly, while also rubbing himself slightly against Erwin’s side, while licking over his tongue – and all of this, also because of all the mulled wine and eggnog liqueur, is making Erwin’s head spin.

It’s also helping him to focus on the pleasure, helping him to forget he felt bloated before, because everything that Levi is doing feels good; even though Erwin tenses up again when his husband’s hand suddenly moves under his grey sweater, and skin touches skin, Erwin’s coarse belly hair probably tickling Levi’s slim fingers as they move over it, caressing, stroking, smoothing the flesh underneath them. But Levi just deepens the kiss, moans into Erwin’s hungry mouth so enticingly, that all the negative thoughts are blown away and Erwin relaxes – until he flinches, because Levi’s hand leaves his belly and moves straight into his sweatpants, straight into his husband’s boxers, grabbing his dick.

“Ugh!” Erwin squirms, and Levi bites into his lower lip, making the blond man release a sound that’s a mixture of a hiss and moan, and while this noise still resonates, Levi’s lips are already busy, kissing Erwin’s ear lobe; while his hand is also quite engaged – wrapped around his husband’s growing dick, pumping it slowly, and it’s making Erwin shudder. And grow harder.

“Mhhhmmmm…” Levi practically purrs into Erwin’s ear, sliding his thumb over Erwin’s thick and moist cock head, making Erwin arch his back slightly and a moan push out of his mouth, “I’ve missed _sugarcane_ …” the raven murmurs seductively, making Erwin huff out a laugh at the pet name Levi’s given his cock, that turns into a wanton moan midway, because Levi’s fingers wrap themselves around his girth tighter and begin stroking him with emphasis.

“Ha, fuck…!” Erwin’s fingers are scratching lightly over the short hair of Levi’s undercut, sometimes grabbing the longer dark strands to play with, while his husband his kissing his neck and pumping his cock.

“…be a good boy and drink up your eggnog…” Levi breathes against Erwin’s sensitive skin and the hot air coming out of his husband’s mouth is nearly scorching, making a splendid shiver crawl down his spine; and Erwin obeys, and the sweet liqueur tastes fantastic, and Levi’s lips on his skin are fantastic, and his husband’s small hand encircling his fat dick feels fantastic, a sharp pang of arousal coursing through his belly, his abdominal region, his toes curling, his balls tingling as Levi increases the speed of his skilled hand – and then when he bites into his husband’s throat, Erwin fucking loses it, and makes a mess, coating his briefs, sweatpants, his abdomen and Levi’s hand with his thick semen, coming hard with deep grunts, and Levi’s lowly whispered “…oh yeah…”

“…fuck…” Erwin huffs out, his eyes closed and his head tilted back, leaning against the couch, his breath ragged, and Levi’s chuckling lightly, pressing a kiss onto Erwin’s heated cheek, leaving his husband alone for a little while, probably to clean Erwin’s viscous cum off his hands, and Erwin feels… He feels so satisfied. But also… so tired… still a little bit dizzy, utterly happy, but also extremely exhausted, and he feels himself dozing off and the almost empty glass nearly falls out of his grasp…

Erwin startles when something lukewarm and wet suddenly touches his abdomen, only to realize it’s Levi cleaning him up with a wet cloth, and when the blond man looks up, his husband offers him a warm smile. “You wanna go to bed?” he asks, and Erwin, as if on command, yawns.

“…we haven’t even finished the movie…” he sort of complains, but with a weak voice; because he truly is tired and he doesn’t really care about the film; and obviously Levi doesn’t either, because he just switches off the TV.

“Fuck the movie,” he says, “let’s go to bed.”

“What about Titan?”

“I’ll let him out into the garden for a bit and then come up to bed once he’s inside again. Okay?”

“You’re my favourite husband,” Erwin jokes, and Levi gives a breathy laugh.

“Now off you go…”

Erwin complies and waits for Levi in their wonderful bed, dressed in his blue pyjamas that the raven’s picked out for him, and he’s battling sleep so hard. But when Levi finally enters their bedroom, Erwin is only half-conscious and barely able to talk, and he’s frustrated – because he wanted repay the sexual favour.

“I’m sorry,” he mutters into Levi’s hair, once the raven has crawled into their bed and Erwin’s chest (and his big belly) are pressed against his husband’s back and butt, as Erwin’s spooning him.

“For what?” comes the mumbled enquiry.

“…I wanted… to get you off, too… but… I’m so tired…”

Levi chuckles. “Don’t worry,” he says, yawning, making Erwin yawn as well, “I rubbed one out this morning under the shower anyway.”

“…damn…” Erwin whispers, “wish I could have seen that… and been of assistance...”

“If it makes you feel any better: I was thinking of you when I jerked off,” Levi adds, sultry amusement in his tone.

This makes Erwin chuckle – until he has to yawn again. “I’ll help you get off tomorrow…” he tells Levi, and Levi hums.

And when Erwin’s almost drifted off, after a few minutes of comfortable silence, he hears Levi whisper:

“ _I love you, Erwin…_ ”

And Erwin smiles.


	2. Hot chocolate and vanilla rum

__

_24 th of December_

Today, another sweet fragrance wakes Erwin up, coupled with the soft voice of his husband, whispering to him as Levi sits down at the edge of the bed. They always have a lot to do on the day of Christmas eve and that’s why Erwin can’t sleep in. But he’s fine with it, because he’s excited for what is to come.

“Mornin’,” he rasps as he sits up – and the smell of hot chocolate with a hint of vanilla invades his nose.

Levi, still in his black pyjamas, covered by his grey bathrobe, is smiling at him. “Did you sleep well?” he enquires.

“...did _you_?” Erwin poses a counter-question, trying to obtain some info about his snoring, without asking about it explicitly, as he isn’t allowed to speak about it for the rest of the year after all, and Levi raises one of his brows.

“I did, _sugar cookie_ ,” he tells him, and Erwin has no idea whether his husband is telling the truth or not. He won’t probe, though. A deal is a deal. And Erwin’s gonna keep his end of it. Even though the thought of him snoring makes him feel uncomfortable.

“Here,” Levi says, handing over the big, red Christmas mug filled with cocoa, “a sweet drink for my sweet _muffin_.”

Erwin rolls his eyes, despite not really being annoyed. It’s just that, once again, he has no idea how his husband can associate him with a sweet and tasty treat; despite that Erwin is a hungry swine and loves to stuff his big mouth with muffins and cookies and chocolate and gets fatter every year, and—

He wants to take a sip of the hot beverage to drown his negative thoughts, because he has been looking forward to Christmas since the beginning of autumn, and he knows it’s Levi’s favourite time of the year as well, and that his husband takes great pleasure in spoiling Erwin with sweet as well as salty treats, and that’s why Erwin shouldn’t throw himself into this dark, downward spiral, and just enjoy all of this without a bad conscience.

 _It’s Christmas, for fuck’s sake_ , he tells himself repeatedly and puts all of his frustrations and bad thoughts into an imaginary box, throwing it into an imaginary lake of eggnog next. Because all of those matters can wait. Erwin wants to spend quality time with Levi, wants to enjoy what his husband creates in their lovely kitchen, he wants to relax and be happy, he wants _Levi_ to be happy. And thus, Erwin watches the imaginary box disappear in the imaginary lake and finally takes a sip of the sweet beverage offered by his husband.

A component surprises him. “Is that...?”

Levi smirks. “I allowed myself to spike your hot chocolate with a shot of our favourite vanilla rum,” he explains. “Well, maybe _two_...” he adds, the smirk on his lips intensifying.

“It’s 9 o’clock in the morning!” Erwin gasps – but he can’t stop the laugh from escaping his lips. _And he simply loves hot chocolate with vanilla rum_.

“So what?” Levi counters in an amused fashion, still smirking. “You’re on holiday, Erwin Ackerman. You can have booze for breakfast. Who gives a shit? I’m gonna be the driver later anyway, so don’t worry about it and just enjoy it.”

Erwin chuckles, not protesting at all, but taking another big sip of the wonderful drink. “It’s really good...” he comments.

Levi gives him a satisfied smile, and Erwin, taking a third sip of the slightly alcoholic Christmas concoction, feels reminded of his wicked student days, when Mike and him sometimes had vodka for breakfast in their shared flat near university after they were done with their exams and partied for days; and memories of Levi’s visits start flooding his mind as the hot chocolate fills his belly, how the raven just invaded his bedroom after his shift, and how they fucked each other’s souls out throughout the night and—

“Just a few sips and you’re already having dirty thoughts,” the cheeky, mockingly chiding remark of his husband brings Erwin back to the here and now.

“Wh-what?” he stammers, trying to act innocent. But he can’t fool Levi.

“You’re wearing your ‘perverted thoughts’ expression,” he says, grinning.

“No, I’m not...” Erwin protest, yet his objection is a very weak one, and he can’t help that grin his own lips are stretching into.

“You thinking about my dick? Or my ass?” Levi teases him, and Erwin takes another sip of the hot chocolate, making him feel a bit giddy. Or maybe it’s that sultry tone of his husband, and the things he’s implying and those memories of their early, very horny days together mixed with the sweet and spiked drink.

“Both,” Erwin admits and Levi hums.

“Well, you might get to play with my dick tonight.”

“Oh?” Erwin picks up with a certain, lewd interest. “So no _rubbing one out in the shower_ for you today then, honey?”

Levi huffs out a laugh. “Nah, I don’t have time for this. And neither do you. So get your sweet ass out of bed, we have a tree to decorate.”

“Yes, Sir,” Erwin answers, grinning – and a tiny bit aroused. But Levi’s right and they don’t have time for this right now. The schedule is full until evening. But at least it starts with something that is not hectic, but pleasant.

The relaxing Christmas music is already playing when Erwin enters the living room. And Levi has already gotten out all the lametta and Christmas tree balls.

It’s one of their traditions. Just like the visit of the Christmas market on its last day. And Erwin loves it. Sipping on hot chocolate – Levi has one without the vanilla rum – dressed in their bathrobes, they start the day with making their little tree look nice; while Titan’s still snoring lightly in his dog bed. They don’t really talk, at least not about important things, just have a bit of a short discussion about where to place which ornament. But even when they are silent, the atmosphere is comfortable.

Being together for so long both Erwin and Levi don’t feel the need to constantly converse. It’s more about just being in each other’s presence and doing things together without everyday life interfering too much. That’s what makes the Christmas period so special, Erwin muses, looking at his husband who is humming along to the piano version of “Let it snow“ – and Erwin can’t help but smile.

Despite all the arguments they’ve already had during their relationship, all the ups and downs, with very frosty times and one of them sleeping on the couch out of frustration, or slamming doors loudly, Erwin is still absolutely enthralled with Levi and would call their marriage a _very_ happy one. Because relationships are never just harmonic, never only joyous. It’s a rollercoaster ride, a journey with flat tires and the gasoline tank running empty at times, and it takes a lot of effort to make it work and sometimes _repair_ stuff. And they both _want_ to make it work, want to continue travelling together, because they both love each other. Cheating and horrific deceits like that have never been an issue in their history together, and Erwin is sure they never will be.

At least he knows _he_ would never be the one to stray, because Levi is all that he ever wanted.

He fell in love with him the second he saw him in that bar, and thankfully, back then, Erwin had the confidence to just walk up to the ‘hot, dark-haired guy’ and start a conversation. _Charismatic bastard_ is what Levi calls him whenever they remember their first meeting. _I totally fell for you and hated myself for it, cause you were everything I despised: a flashy son of a well-situated family with all the fucking privileges one could think of and an easy life_ , he would say while grinning. _But you were freaking hot_.

What Levi sees in him _today_ , is a mystery to Erwin. He’s not _freaking hot_ anymore, not good-looking in _any_ way.

When he met Levi, Erwin was slim and sexy, well-trained and muscled, he had a fucking six pack – and now he looks as if he has _swallowed_ one, with all the packaging, and that would stay forever undigested in his enormous belly. Furthermore, he’s not outgoing anymore. He’s a boring, fat school director, whose favourite hobby it is to read books with his dachshund sleeping in his lap while devouring cookies, and then to follow the dog’s example and take a nap himself.

How – _the fuck_ – is this supposed to be _attractive_ in _any_ way?

“I don’t like your face right now, Mr. Ackerman,” the other Ackerman suddenly comments, “what’s up with all the frowning, _cupcake_?”

Erwin sighs and tries to offer his husband a smile. “Nothing,” he says, and Levi’s looking at him rather sceptically.

“You _are_ aware of the fact that you will only be getting dick tonight if you behave and actually have a good time today, right?” the raven-haired then remarks, giving the blond a sexy smirk.

And Erwin can’t supress a smile, especially when Levi walks up to him, puts his hand on his face and pulls him down for a soft kiss. “Merry Christmas, _my sweet chocolate chip_ ,” he mumbles, “and now be good and forget the shit you were just thinking about and enjoy yourself. Okay?”

“Okay,” Erwin mumbles, and grabs Levi’s neck gently as the other man wants to turn away to get back to work, but Erwin, filled with so much happiness by the way Levi was looking and talking to him just now, wants another kiss – and so he steals one, pulling Levi back against his body, making their lips meet anew; and there’s another rush of happiness he experiences as he feels Levi smiling into the innocent connection of their mouths. “Merry Christmas, Levi,” Erwin breathes against Levi’s lips before covering them with his own again.

„Your chances of seeing my hard cock tonight have just enormously increased,” the raven remarks cheekily when they finally do part and resume decorating their tree; and Erwin’s grinning daftly, his dark thoughts forgotten. Another locked box thrown into the imaginary eggnog lake.

Levi’s good at that, always has been. At pulling Erwin out of the sea of gloom, making him see the light, think positive. And Erwin’s grateful. _He’s lucky_.

_So lucky…_

And so is the little old dachshund of the Ackerman-household. He wakes up and demands food when his owners are done, admiring their work, the shiny Christmas tree looking flashy, but elegant, golden, silver and traditionally red ornaments spread across the green branches, bringing a beautiful fragrance to the room.

“You go take a shower, and I’ll go for a quick round with Titan, okay?” Levi suggests, and Erwin agrees, even though he feels a bit bad, because after all, Titan kinda _is_ his dog, and so _he_ should be the one doing most of the taking care part – but Levi is quicker than him, and they really have to get going on time today. That’s what he tells himself, while standing under the water, hurrying up himself.

He’s shaved and dressed when Levi barges into the bathroom and starts taking off his clothes, swearing like a sailor at that “fucking abomination of a German Shepard shit dog” of that “imbecile asshole pisshead” who, according to Levi, should “choke on a piece of decomposing shit” because the German Shepard wasn’t put on a leash even though “that fucker” could clearly see that Levi was approaching with another dog and—

“Is he hurt?” Erwin asks, immediately alerted and ready to jump into the car to drive Titan to the vet.

“Who?” Levi asks, his voice annoyed, because Erwin interrupted him, but Erwin’s also annoyed because Levi doesn’t cut straight to the most important part of his complaining.

“ _Titan_ , for Christ’s sake!” the blond snaps, and Levi glares at him – because the younger Mr. Ackerman does _not_ like being snapped at.

“No, _Erwin_ ,” he answers in a languid, lecturing tone, “Titan is _not_ hurt, and you would know that, if you’d let me finish, _for Christ’s sake_.”

And that makes _Erwin_ scoff, because the _older_ Ackerman doesn’t like being talked to as if he was one of his teenage school kids…

“So nice of you to be asking about the dog first and not your _husband_ , anyway,” Levi continues in a slightly venomous tone, taking off his undershirt, revealing naked skin, his pale chest that looks as if it was shaven, but isn’t, because Levi’s never been the type of man to develop a lot of body hair, “Titan’s fucking fine, all right – cause he’s a fucking monster, and you know it! The German Shepard actually went straight at _me_ , didn’t attack, though, only wanted to play or some shit, but Titan wasn’t fucking having it,” he continues to spit out, taking off his jeans and getting rid of his socks. “Fucking grandpa went straight for the other dog’s throat and then the bigger dog was too stupid to just jerk away, and I had to throw myself between them, and if the shitty owner of the other dog had put his fucking dumbo pet on a leash, it would’ve been no problem to separate the two of them, but like that? That asshole was so far away he needed to run up first to fucking help me at all and… _the fuck_?” Levi (completely naked by now) snaps, because Erwin – despite trying _so_ hard _not_ to – is starting to giggle.

“I-I-I’m s-sorry,” he mumbles covering his mouth with his hand, and trying to stop the sounds escaping his mouth – but he can’t. Because picturing his small angry husband, trying to hold back their little angry dog who’s attacking a freaking, clueless and innocent, huge German Shepard… it’s just to fucking funny.

And Erwin’s so, so glad that Levi’s lips start curling into a smirk, too. “…yeah,” the dark-haired man finally agrees, voice amused and much calmer than before, “it _did_ look pretty ridiculous…”

And then Erwin’s laughing and his whole form is shaking, because Levi and Titan are, after all, somehow so alike, too… and Levi’s shooting him another glare. This one, however, is lacking the killing intent from before. “I’m sorry,” Erwin says again, when he’s calmed down a little, “you little, angry, naked man: come here,” he murmurs, walking towards Levi, wrapping his arms around his husband’s exposed form, and Levi gives him a supposedly annoyed groan, but doesn’t protest against the embrace, reciprocates it even, snaking his arms around his big husband’s torso, and Erwin breathes a kiss on top of Levi’s head, who’s leaning against his broad chest. “I’m sorry you had to deal with this,” Erwin murmurs, suddenly realising how good Levi’s skin feels under his palms.

Levi groans again, but leans into the embrace, his fingers fisting slightly into the fabric of Erwin’s dress shirt. And the blond man can’t stop his own hands from wandering down his husband’s form, down Levi’s spine, his _lower_ back – until he’s groping his husband’s very neat ass, fingers pressing playfully into the firm butt cheeks, Erwin’s hands almost bigger than Levi’s globes; and they feel so bloody good under his palms, and Levi smells so freaking amazing, his natural scent mixing with a little bit of sweat from his walk with their monster dachshund, it’s actually clouding Erwin’s mind a little. And it’s making a faint wave of arousal spread through him, and Erwin can’t stop his fingers from kneading the taunt flesh of Levi’s bare ass a little more, and he can’t stop his fingers from then moving towards the crack, inside of it, reaching for Levi’s hole, and then—

“Don’t you fucking dare, _Smith_ ,” Levi hisses, his hot breath almost burning Erwin’s skin, and he immediately freezes, because when Levi addresses him with his old surname, he’s in fucking trouble. “I said you might be getting dick _tonight_ , not _now_.” And Erwin swallows. 

But the arousal doing’s something to him, making his groin ache a little, and he’s bold, suddenly letting go of his husband’s rear, reaching between his legs instead with one of his hands – and Levi gives such a wanton sound when Erwin’s fingers wind around his slightly awoken manhood.

“ _This_ dick?” Erwin teases, beginning to stroke his husband’s length, and Levi releases a low litany of curses, pushing his forehead against Erwin’s chest, hands gripping Erwin’s shoulder tightly. Then, Levi moans – and it makes shivers run down Erwin’s spine, and his own cock throb and—

And then Levi’s freaking pushing him, walking him back, and literally kicking him out of the bathroom. The doors slams shut in front of his face and he hears the lock turning. Erwin blinks. “Hey… that’s not… fair!” he protests, and hears Levi scoffing.

“We don’t have time for dick right now, you daft prick!” is what his raven-haired husband yells at him before activating the shower, and Erwin sighs – but he’s smiling.

Because he’s just had Levi’s semi-hard cock in his hand, and if they weren’t so short on time… _they would have definitely fucked_. And this thought makes Erwin so excited, because it makes him feel as if they had just started dating… When the truth is so different. 

…and when in fact, they haven’t had sex for a few weeks – a _lot_ of weeks, actually – because life had been so busy and Erwin had fallen asleep right after dinner on the couch or on his armchair…

“Do you want me to make breakfast?” Erwin yells through the closed door, hoping his husband will hear him despite the running shower. He does.

“Hell no!” Levi barks. „Just make some tea and coffee and I’ll do the rest!”

And Erwin doesn’t even feel hurt in the slightest, because he knows that he really sucks at cooking. It’s not like he’d set the kitchen on fire, but his skills cannot, on any level, compare to Levi’s – and the man has high demands. So Erwin gladly lets him rule in the kitchen. The house. Well, basically King Levi Ackerman I is ruling _everything_. And Erwin gladly lets him.

Levi’s hair is still wet when he walks into the kitchen, and sure enough, he’s quick at whipping up a meal for them, and it tastes lovely.

Erwin cuddles with Titan while Levi does the dishes – after declining his blond husband’s help and sending him into the living room with another hot chocolate (with another double shot of vanilla rum). And then they leave.

Levi’s relaxed once they are on their way and doesn’t even curse at the traffic, smiles when he looks at his husband, and Erwin knows why; it’s because he’s excited to see his siblings, loves this tradition they share with Farlan and Isabel. Both of them are already there, waving at Erwin and Levi when the raven parks their car in front of the community centre near Erwin’s school.

“It’s so good to see you!” Isabel cheers as she nearly suffocates Levi when she embraces the man five years her senior, and Levi groans, but can’t supress a grin, especially when Farlan joins in and they share a group hug.

Then, Isabel nearly suffocates _Erwin_ with her hug. “Hey, Is,” he greets her and she’s beaming at him.

“How’s Titan?” she asks, and of course that’s her first question, because Isabel is passionate about her work as a vet.

Erwin wants to answer, but Levi, clicking his tongue first, is quicker. “That fucking grandpa thinks he’s a fucking Great Dane,” he scoffs, and Isabel laughs.

“Small dogs have big egos,” she says – and then she smirks at Levi in this mischievous kind of way and continues, “kinda like _you… big brother_.”

“I should fucking murder you,” Levi answers in a dangerous tone, and Isabel just laughs, as does Farlan, clapping Erwin on the shoulder as a means of greeting him.

“How’s life, Erwin?” he asks him, grinning. “That grumpy little fart giving you a hard time?”

“Farlan...“ Levi warns his younger foster brother, who’s laughing now, and Erwin’s lips pull into a grin. Because the lovely teasing between the siblings is always fun to watch, always fun to witness, and the way Levi’s looking at the two people he grew up, is warming up Erwin’s heart. _Levi really loves them_.

Kuchel really did an amazing job, Erwin muses yet again, not only raising her own son, but also giving two abandoned children a real home. And he’s so glad Farlan and Isabel are still a part of Levi’s life, that they actually have a stronger connection than real brothers and sisters related by blood sometimes do. They’re perfect together, and Erwin truly enjoys their company, that’s why he was bit sad when Levi told him they wouldn’t be attending Christmas dinner, and thus Levi’s 40th birthday. Erwin was also a bit confused, but the explanation given by his husband made him understand.

Because Farlan and Isabel had just recently found their biological family, or what was left of it: Their father, who had remarried a long time ago – and who had been out there looking for them for quite a while. And when he’d invited them to come for Christmas, Levi (as well as Kuchel) had insisted for them to go. And after really long conversations on the phone as well as in person, they had finally agreed – but had also vowed to destroy the Ackerman home on New Year’s eve where they would make up for missing Levi’s birthday.

Birthdays don’t really matter this much to Levi, but Erwin knows he is happy nonetheless to be spending the New Year’s celebrations with his siblings. And so is the blond.

“Erwin!” a familiar deep voice calls from behind, and when the blond turns around, he lights up even more.

“Dad!” he exclaims, a fond smile spreading across his face and both men embrace.

“Hey Kasimir,” Levi greets papa Smith, who scoffs amusedly.

“Levi, I have been telling you for the past ten years to call me _dad_ ,” he complains.

“And you’re _still_ not giving up...” Levi murmurs, rolling his eyes a little, but definitely smiling, as Mr. Smith is giving him a proper bear-hug.

“Have you lost weight?” Kasimir asks, slightly irritated.

“No...?”

“He’s just _small_...” says his sister mischievously, and Levi smacks her playfully across the back of her head. “Ouch! Not fair! Erwin!” she turns to the blond Ackerman. “Tell him off!”

Erwin simply chuckles. _He is in no position to tell his husband off_.

Then, a familiar female voice breaks up their conversation. “Hey you guys, get in here!” It’s Kuchel, leaning out of the door of the big community centre, smiling, making all her children smile too. Making Erwin do the same.

The woman who has raised his husband, gives him a peck on the cheek, as she joins the group right in front of the entrance. “Erwin, so good to see you, darling!” she greets him with that calm but at the same time extremely warm voice you’d always associate with a caring _mom_.

And thus, this is how the blond man refers to her. “Hey _mom_ ,” he says, and that just makes Kuchel’s smile so much brighter – because she has always spoken of Erwin as her third son; sometimes even calling him her _favourite_ to tease Levi and Farlan.

“It’s not fair,” Erwin father laments, hugging Kuchel himself, “my son calls you mom with no hesitation, been calling you this even _before_ the two of them got married, while _your_ son hasn’t called me _dad_ even _once_...!”

“Shut up, _dad_ ,” says... _Levi_ ; and everyone is silent for a few seconds, before they all huff out a laugh.

“You happy now, Kasimir?” Kuchel teases him and Erwin’s (and Levi’s) dad smiles, and Erwin is so moved that he gently grabs his husband’s shoulder when the rest of their group ventures inside, holding Levi back, who’s confused in the first second, turning halfway around to give the blond Ackerman a questioning look – and that’s when Erwin bends down and presses his lips onto Levi’s lips.

When their eyes meet again after this gentle exchange of affection, Levi’s smiling tenderly.

“He looks fine,” the raven mumbles, referring to their _dad_ , and Erwin nods, has been feeling relieved since the first moment he’s seen his father.

Kasimir Smith isn’t... the _youngest_ anymore. The man is 75 years old, and when he was sent to hospital because of a severe flu in October, Erwin had been extremely worried. But his dad seems to be doing, as Levi pointed out, just fine.

He _does_ keep himself fit, and his doctor is always complimenting him on this, reassuring that his way of living really _does_ help to push all those nasty aches and problems that come with age back a little. Kasimir’s always been a keen cyclist. Now that he has an e-bike, and the engine helps him to come up steep hills, he’s back on the road almost every day, goes to aqua gym classes for the elderly – or rather best agers or silver agers, the way they prefer to be called – and the man is sure he will spend the rest of his life in his house, living independently, and not in some retirement home. Erwin hopes so, too. Though he would probably ask Levi if his dad could move in with them, rather than give him into the care of other people if it ever _did_ come to that. 

And the more he ponders how well is dad is doing at his age, how good he looks, the better he should be feeling. The bitter truth is that the opposite is happening; for he starts feeling bad about himself, worse – because the last time _he_ has been on a bike, or let alone the swimming pool, was... _he doesn’t even remember_.

“Sugar,” Levi’s voice reaches him, “he really does look okay, so don’t get all gloomy. Your dad is _fine_ ,” he adds softly, obviously thinking Erwin’s dark expression is being caused by the worry for his father.

Erwin decides not to correct his husband. Because, after all, he chose to not think about the topic of his horrific body, already threw two locked thought-boxes into the imaginary eggnog river; now he’s adding a third.

“You’re right,” he answers, offering his husband a smile. “Let’s go.”

Instead of spending Christmas eve at home, the Ackerman-Smith-group spends it at the community centre each year, working as volunteers. It’s a joined project by a few regional aid agencies, the church as well as private people from the area. The first shift is almost over and the last of the guests are finishing their late breakfast – people without a home, families with a very low income, and anybody else that is either lonely, like some elderly people coming each year, or who cannot afford a proper meal for the holidays.

Levi and Kuchel immediately disappear in the big kitchen of the location – he’s one of the main chefs to prepare the mega portions of soup they will be giving out in the afternoon and early evening, and Kuchel is his perfect assistant. Erwin, Farlan and Isabel help out with the clean-up after breakfast. Later, when things get hectic and more and more people start pouring in, they give out the soup and bread as well as the donated candy, making so many children’s eyes go big. And Kasimir? Papa Smith helps here and there – and in the end he makes so many elderly women happy by sitting with them, talking, being fucking charming.

It’s hectic, but it’s also fun, and Erwin has to laugh every time he comes near the kitchen and hears Kuchel being bossy and throwing commands at Levi who is like an obedient puppy – it’s the world turned upside down and he loves it. He also enjoys making other people happy, giving something back, engages in small talk with the men and women and kids he gives the food out to, and seeing their smiles satisfies him. He’s good at that: Being charming. Just like his father. And he enjoys it.

Sometimes Levi comes over, puts his arms around him, makes Erwin give him a kiss onto his cheek, talks with his siblings, while Erwin engages in short but nice conversation with Kuchel. She’s also asking about Titan; and if Levi is treating his husband right, if her son’s being a gentleman like she raised him to be, and Erwin can’t help but smile at that. Because of course Levi is. _And he’s just as bossy as Kuchel_. 

His father gives him a short update about his neighbours and what trip he’s planning next – he loves to travel and continues to do so with his group of friends who are about the same age, and it’s so lovely to be catching up with his dad, who will be spending the rest of the Christmas holidays at a hotel at the sea with that said group – but vows to visit Erwin and Levi once the new year starts; and Erwin’s happy because of that.

Though the blond must admit that when everything is over, and the place cleaned up and the last guests have left the centre and they’re all standing outside in the cold winter air – he’s freaking exhausted.

“It was so good to see you all,” Kuchel sums it up, standing next to Erwin, linking their arms. “Erwin, honey,” she says to him, smiling, “tell your husband that I don’t want gifts,” she says, and in the first second Erwin is confused, thinking the woman is talking about Christmas, but then his brain catches up and he remembers: Kuchel’s 60th birthday is coming up. Even though she really doesn’t look her age. Just like Kasimir. “All right? I just want you to be there and spend the day with me.”

Levi scoffs, shaking his head, and Farlan and Isabel are also rolling their eyes – in a loveable way. Because, of course, they already have gotten their mother a gift. 

With Kasimir’s help they booked a trip for the whole of the family who is gathered at this very moment in front of the community centre. _And Titan_. They will all be spending two weeks in Sweden at a huge house at a big lake in summer, with an indoor swimming pool and a huge kitchen, a fireplace and their own boat to go fishing – because Kuchel loves to go fishing and Levi loves to prepare fish. They’ll go for long walks in the adjoining forest with Titan and in the evening they will play board games and have chess tournaments; and Erwin can’t wait. And he knows Kuchel will love it, despite insisting on not wanting any gifts and for her loved ones to rather spend the money on something nice for themselves. 

Because Kuchel has always been selfless and she has always done _everything_ for her family.

So Erwin smiles. “No gifts,” he repeats, “I hear you, madam.”

“You really _are_ my favourite son!” Kuchel exclaims, smiling triumphantly at her three children who roll their eyes again. And when Levi’s and Erwin’s eyes meet, the blond winks at his dark-haired husband, who responds with a satisfied grin.

“Yeah, I raised him good, didn’t I?” Kasimir says, clapping Erwin on the shoulder, and Kuchel agrees.

Then, the woman starts speaking to her children about the details of her birthday party, because of course Levi wants to cook, and she doesn’t want him to waste his time like that, saying she can do that alone, and they all begin to ‘argue’, because Farlan and Isabel also want her to ‘fucking relax for once’ and let _them_ do the work – and Kasimir and Erwin watch, smirking.

“She’s just like your mother,” Erwin’s father says, and the thought of his real mom, makes Erwin feel warm, but a little bit sad at the same time.

“Yeah…” he agrees.

“We should go visit her grave in the new year,” Kasimir suggests, and Erwin nods.

“We will. How about we spend the first weekend of January together, you and I?”

Kasimir’s smiling fondly. “I would like that, son.”

“Then it’s a father-son-date,” Erwin decides.

His dad remains silent for a few moments, and they both listen to the Ackerman-argument about food and dessert and who is doing what. Then, Kasimir admits: “I always miss your mother around the Christmas period a lot.”

Erwin nods, his mind being flooded with images of past Christmas celebrations when he was still a child. They’re all merry memories. His grandparents always joined them for the holidays, as did some of their close neighbours. The house was full of joyous people having fun, it was warm and bright, his mother all in smiles, taking care of everybody, baking all sorts of cookies, making Erwin’s favourite dishes, letting him cuddle with their dog, a Collie named Lara, in his bed, letting him read till late at night, kissing and hugging him – _just like Levi does now_.

And it makes Erwin smile.

Because he is so happy Levi actually got the chance to _meet_ his mother, who passed away seven years ago, that Levi got to really _know_ her. And he’s so happy she was there when they got married. She’d cried so much. Not because she was sad, it was quite the opposite. Both Kasimir and Elisabeth had accepted their son being gay the second he’d come out to them – and they both had fallen in love with Levi instantly, seeing how well the two men were together. Erwin remembers how his mum had told him to always take good care of his husband, that she could see the love the dark-haired man harboured for her son, and that it made her so happy that Erwin’d found his soul mate.

And Elisabeth had been right: Levi _was_ Erwin’s soul mate.

“Fine, you old hag,” the raven now spits, and catches Erwin’s attention, “Farlan and Isabel are cooking the soup, I am taking care of the main dish, and you can have your way and do dessert – but one fucking cake is enough! And after we finish dinner, I will fucking glue you to your chair, cause you are most definitely _not_ doing the washing up, Erwin will help me do that, he is great at doing the dishes, aren’t you, _cookie_?”

“Um, y-yeah! Yes, Sir, I am!” Erwin stutters and makes Farlan and Isabel giggle.

“Don’t be so bossy with your husband!” Kuchel complains to Levi, pinching her son’s cheek.

“Ow! I’m not being bossy with Erwin, mum! Am I bossy with you, Erwin?!” he spits out his question.

“Uh, n-no. _Sir_.”

Kuchel hits Levi’s shoulder, glaring at him – and Erwin can totally see the family resemblance and snorts; and then Levi’s shooting him that Ackerman-glare, and he has to laugh. _But he also feels intimidated_.

“Young man,” Kuchel reprimands her eldest child, “I told you to be nice to your husband, apologize! Erwin will be my guest and he will most definitely not do the dishes on my birthday.”

“B-but I really like doing the dishes, mom,” Erwin interjects, before Levi can open his mouth. And then Kuchel is glaring at him – and that’s just as intimidating as Levi’s glare, and Erwin’s grinning insecurely. “…a-and… it would be an honour, if you’d let me… do… the dishes…” he adds.

“Then it’s decided,” Levi snaps, and Kuchel rolls her eyes – making Erwin almost laugh again; _because she looks just like Levi when she’s rolling her eyes_.

Kasimir chuckles. “Well, I’m definitely looking forward to your birthday party, Kuchel. And to make you happy: I won’t lift a finger.”

“Perfect guest!” Kuchel calls him, and everybody except those two roll their eyes now, smiling lightly.

Then, they all say their goodbyes, wishing each other a merry Christmas, everybody vowing to give Levi a call tomorrow, who’s waving dismissively and says he won’t have time to talk anyway because of all the preparations for the Christmas dinner – because just like Kuchel, her son is selfless, and he loves making other people happy. Loves making Erwin happy. And he’s extremely good at that.

“Do you want me to drive home?” Erwin offers as they walk towards their car. Because he can see that Levi’s even more tired than him.

The raven shrugs. “If you’re sober again…”

“I am,” the blond confirms. The effect of the vanilla rum shots wore off hours ago.

“Well, knock yourself out then,” Levi agrees, throwing the keys over to Erwin, who, of course, isn’t able to catch them and they land on the ground. Levi scoffs amusedly, and Erwin feels stupid, but doesn’t say anything.

“God,” Levi groans as Erwin steers the car out onto the street, “those new kids helping out in the kitchen were a real pain in the ass.”

“…do you mean Eren, Mikasa and Armin?” Erwin enquires, thinking back to the short conversations he’s had with his three students who had come to help this year.

“Yeah,” Levi answers, sighing, „that Eren-kid totally has a crush on you.”

“On _me_?!” Erwin practically screams and then snorts. “Yeah, right…”

“Wouldn’t shut about you the moment he realised I’m your husband,” Levi continues, “Mr. Ackerman this, Mr. Ackerman that, Jesus. Like: I know my husband rocks, and you see him every day. No need to rub it into my face you’re jerking off to him each night, shithead.”

“Levi!” Erwin scolds, but can’t stop chuckling. “Levi, he’s freaking 17 years old. No way he’s in love with a fat old geezer like me! And in any way: it’s _disturbing_ when you’re talking about one of my minor students jerking off… to me or anything else.”

“So you don’t like’em young?” Levi teases and Erwin shudders.

“I like ‘them’ to be my almost 40-year-old husband, although right now he seems to have the _brain_ of a 17-year-old…” he retorts, shooting Levi a reprimanding look, who’s grinning at him.

“I jerked off twice or three times a day when I was Eren’s age,” Levi says, and Erwin can’t deny the slight jolt of arousal travelling through his body. Which Levi immediately kills off. “And don’t fucking lecture me on minors,” he says, “you met me when I was 17...”

“Almost 18!” Erwin protests. “And we only had sex _after_ your 18th birthday. And: I was 23 back then – and it’s a different thing to fancy a 17-year-old at 23 than at 45. For God’s sake: Eren could be my son. Ew.”

“So then I don’t need to worry about you looking for someone younger?” Levi badgers his husband, and the blond rolls his eyes.

“I’d rather cut off my own arm than look for another man; of _any_ age,” he says without hesitation. That’s when Levi puts his small hand onto Erwin’s chubby thigh, rubbing it lightly; and when Erwin turns his head at the red light to look at him, Levi’s leaning over the centre console of the car, his other hand cupping Erwin’s cheek, and he’s kissing him tenderly, smiling fondly, once their mouths part again. 

“I love you, _pumpkin_ ,” Levi breathes and kisses Erwin again, “so, so freaking much. You have no idea.”

Erwin’s heart beat increases and his whole being is swarmed by a very calming and cosy warmth, his slightly moist lips pulling into a soft smile as Levi leans back.

“I love you, too,” he responds, and Levi winks at him.

“I know,” he answers, as Erwin gets the car moving again, and Levi cheekily adds: “And so does Eren…” making Erwin roll his eyes again, grinning, and he’s utterly happy. 

When they drive onto the motorway Levi suddenly mutters: “…and you’re not a fat old geezer, Erwin…” and he sounds so soft and somewhat fragile, and Erwin feels bad for, once again, putting his frustrations out like that, burdening Levi again. “…you’re my lovely and sexy bear…” the raven adds out of nowhere – _and that statement does a few things to Erwin_.

It makes him blush and feel giddy, appreciated, but it also makes him feel… simply fat, because bears are fat, right? Even though when gay men talk about ‘bears’ they mean it in a positive sense, like, a fetish for big, overly-masculine men with lots of body hair. And Erwin cannot deny that he is a big, overly-hairy man. He has hairs practically everywhere – except for his back and he is glad about that! But the rest…

Hairy arms – check.  
Hairy chest – double check.  
Hairy belly – check.  
Hairy legs – fucking check.  
Hairy groin – it’s a fucking jungle.  
Hairy ass – check, check.  
There’s even hair all around his asshole…

And Levi forbids him to shave. Says he likes him hairy like that. Maybe because Levi’s the exact opposite. Who knows?

Erwin sighs. “I am a fat old geezer, no matter what you say, love…” he mumbles. He doesn’t get a response. And when he looks over to the passenger’s seat, he sees why: Levi’s asleep.

Smiling softly, Erwin turns down the volume of the radio even more, making sure Levi isn’t woken up by some sudden techno or annoying pop song. Because his husband deserves to get some rest. He’s been working hard the past few days. And Erwin’s snoring made it almost impossible to sleep at night and recharge his batteries. And Erwin feels sorry. And he wants to make it up to Levi. And he hopes that his husband will like his birthday gift… even though he is like Kuchel and told Erwin he’d better not buy him anything.

But Erwin couldn’t resist…

“Hey, babe,” he says quietly, touching Levi’s shoulder and shaking his husband slightly after parking the car in their garage. “We’re home…”

Levi blinks, and yawns, stretches a bit, looking slightly confused. “Did I fall asleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh shit, sorry. Must have been a very boring drive for you. You should have woken me up.”

Erwin just smiles at that and they both get out of the car. 

Titan greets them with a lot of barking and pleading noises and it’s as clear as the bright moon shining outside that this is where the dog wants to be – out. “I’ll take him for a quick round,” says Erwin before Levi can even open his mouth; and the blond can see that little frown on his husband’s face indicating that Levi indeed wants to protest. But this time Erwin isn’t having this. “You went out with him today, now it’s my turn. I could really use some fresh air anyway,” he states. And he wins.

Levi sighs. And then he yawns again. “All right, _sugar_ ,” he agrees, “but take your phone, in case anything happens, and don’t go into the forest or the park. Stay out here on the streets in the lights.”

Erwin chuckles. “Okay, _mom_ ,” he teases, and earns a scoff as well as a clap on the back of his head. And Levi has to get up in his toes to actually reach it, which makes Erwin chuckle even more; and earn him another playful slap.

“Fuck you, Erwin,” Levi adds, not really meaning it, telling Titan to “shut up” next, cause the dog is whining. “Just be quick about, all right? I’m gonna take a shower cause I stink of grease and chicken broth and sweat, and it’s fucking disgusting. My hard dick will be awaiting you on the couch. And now off you go,” he adds, smirking lightly and opening the front door for his husband, who is smiling goofily as he gets himself and Titan out, and he isn’t able to wipe this daft smile off his face walking the dog, who is clearly enjoying their time out together.

All in all, Erwin’s gone for about quarter of an hour. He even meets some of their neighbours coming home from Christmas celebrations or also taking out their dog for a final walk. He chats with some of them, and then, as he comes closer to their home, he realises that he is actually a little bit excited.

For Levi’s hard cock.

And sure, the man is lying spread across their couch, his hand buried in his pyjama pants, fingers clearly wrapped around his dick. The only ‘problem’ is that Levi is… sleeping. With his adorable mouth slightly parted he’s even drooling a little bit – and Erwin isn’t surprised at all to hear him snoring very lightly. 

Levi only snores when he is drunk or extremely exhausted; this time, it’s clearly the latter.

Carefully Erwin lifts him off the couch. He’s a bit heavy, but Erwin can handle it. The way to their bedroom is not a long one.

Levi startles awake the second Erwin puts him down onto their bed. “Huh…?” 

“Shh, go to sleep, Levi.”

“But…” Levi protests.

“Go to sleep, honey,” Erwin repeats, kissing Levi’s forehead, disappearing for a few minutes to brush his teeth and change into his own pyjamas. He’s surprised to find Levi sitting on their bed when he walks back into their bedroom – Levi isn’t really awake, though. He looks as if he could fall asleep with his open eyes, but he’s stubborn. As always.

“I promised you dick, didn’t I?” he states, when he catches Erwin’s sceptical look. 

“You need to sleep.”

“Yeah, but you deserve some dick.”

He’s not entirely wrong… Maybe Erwin doesn’t necessarily deserve dick, but he really _wants_ to have sex. But he can wait. How many times did Levi want to fuck, and Erwin just couldn’t get it up because he was too tired, or to stuffed from dinner, or both, or simply couldn’t get himself up from the sofa or armchair…?

“You deserve some rest, love,” he protests, climbing into the bed – and that’s when Levi is all over him, charging at him like Titan probably charged at that German Shepard earlier that day, climbing on top of his gigantic body, lips immediately locking onto Erwin’s throat, kissing, licking, biting the sensitive skin – and thousands of shivers crawl down Erwin’s spine, especially when Levi starts rubbing himself, _his cock_ , against his thick thigh, his hand moving down Erwin’s side, sliding into the pants of his nightly attire, grabbing his dick, and then Levi’s movements slow down and, and, and… _and then suddenly everything stops and Levi’s snoring lightly again_.

And as frustrated as Erwin is at that moment – he also can’t help but chuckle. Then, he grabs Levi and gently pulls him off of his body. „…huh…?” Levi mutters again, only half-conscious, and Erwin, manoeuvring his smaller husband onto his side, spooning him and covering them both with the blanket, kisses his temple.

“Sleep, baby…” he whispers, and feels Levi move further back against his body, his fingers winding gently around Erwin’s arms wrapped around his husband’s slender form.

“…sorry…” Levi babbles, almost not audibly, and Erwin kisses his nape. 

“Don’t be,” he breathes, “I love you. Good night.”

“…n-night…” 

After that response, Levi falls asleep immediately, and Erwin’s smiling, breathing in his husband’s scent. It’s calming and nice, and Erwin quickly forgets about his sex-frustrations and cannot wait for Levi’s birthday to come, and the raven’s reaction to his present… And thinking about this, Erwin falls asleep and dreams of cookie trees and chocolate rivers.

And it’s amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for your feedback on chapter 1 and all of D'okis art, here and especially on Twitter. Don't forget to check out D'oki's profile for ALL her amazing fatwin-art! GO TO: https://twitter.com/Eruvin_Smisu
> 
> Also thank you to Nyatche for contributing, too - your 'fanart' is just so cute! Look at it here: https://twitter.com/nyatche/status/1209101238735904768?s=20
> 
> And if you also enjoyed this chapter - leave us another comment. They are like Christmas presents to us :)
> 
> Talking about the festive season: MERRY CHRISTMAS, everyone!


	3. Pumpkin pie and hot apple amaretto shots

__

_25 th of December_

The minute Erwin opens his eyes, he knows his plan of wanting to be the first to get up and serve his husband breakfast in bed has failed. Because it’s not the alarm clock that is waking him up, but Titan’s stinky breath and the dachshund’s wet nose pressed against his face. And Levi is not sleeping next to him. He’s not even in the room – which explains why Titan has jumped into the sheets to cuddle with his blond master; because with Levi around he wouldn’t even have dared to _enter_ this chamber. ‘No dog in the bedroom’ is one of Levi’s most important rules for the house, and Erwin and Titan obey.

“Fucking shit!” he suddenly hears Levi’s voice, accompanied by quick footsteps, and Erwin needs a second to understand that his husband is obviously running up the stairs. Titan registers what is going on _after_ Erwin, jumping down from the bed when it’s already too late and the raven’s already barged into the bedroom. “You little fucking salami!” he screams at the dachshund – who obviously didn’t come here to cuddle but to _hide_ – and who now freezes, caught in the act, lowering his tiny head in a shameful way, knowing too well his round, allegedly innocent eyes won’t save him; but he tries anyway, and Levi merely scoffs.

And then, the raven-haired man isn’t paying the dog any attention anymore, but is pointing his finger at his husband instead.

“ _Smith_!” he seethes, and Erwin’s whole body flinches at this very sharp and intimidating voice. “Your fucking dog just ate half of the gingerbread oatmeal cookies!”

Erwin’s heartbeat increases for a few seconds until he remembers there wasn’t any chocolate in those and the worst thing that could happen is for Titan to just throw up, and—

Titan _throws_ up.

Right there, in the middle of their bedroom, right onto the little carpet laid out on the wooden floor of the room.

“I cannot fucking believe this!” Levi roars, groaning almost theatrically afterwards. And it would probably be a bit funny – _if it wasn’t so scary_. “You better fucking clean this up now, _Smith_!” he adds in a menacing way and Erwin’s up on his feet within a nanosecond, opening his mouth, wanting to apologise for the dog, wanting to say good morning to the love of his life, wish Levi a happy birthday; but his husband storms out of the bedroom, slamming the door shut with a loud thud, before Erwin even has the _chance_ of uttering a single _word_.

…and Erwin knows: Levi is _really_ pissed off.

But he isn’t so sure if it’s only because of Titan or if something else happened while he was still sleeping. One thing is clear: He really needs to clean the carpet. _Now_. Because if Titan’s disaster will leave a stain, Erwin will probably be kicked out of the bedroom for a whole month or worse. And Erwin does not want that. That is why he gets to work quickly, getting Titan downstairs and putting him into the garage with his dog bed and dog jacket – because if he has to throw up again, Erwin can just use the hose to clean the second mess away in there because of the outdoor tiles they used for the flooring. Then, he gets down on his knees in the bedroom and he scrubs and vacuums and almost gets sick himself by cleaning up the dog vomit.

This is definitely _not_ how he imagined Levi’s birthday to start.

In the end, and after probably twenty minutes, the carpet looks okay. There’s only a water stain left which should be gone once it has dried. Erwin hangs it up in the little utility room, before he goes back into the garage to check on Titan, who is fine and snoring, probably already dreaming about his beloved dog cookies, and Erwin does not dare to show his face in the kitchen where Levi is busy as hell before he has truly finished his task, storing away the cleaning supplies – and before he’s gotten his husband’s presents out of hiding.

Erwin was clever, put the box into the little shed right next to the garage where they keep all the gardening equipment in. And because it’s winter and there is basically nothing to do in the garden except for feeding the birds and letting Titan go wild, Levi didn’t walk in here to clean or look for something. It was and is the perfect hiding place, he thinks, contented with himself, as he gets it out.

It’s large. Because the present is large. And Erwin’s so excited to be giving this to Levi. Maybe he will even use it today and it’s gonna help him with the preparation of the big dinner?

His knees feel a bit wobbly as Erwin walks through the house and into the kitchen, where Levi’s busy indeed, shoving another tray of cookies into the oven, frowning, cursing under his breath. And when he closes it and spots Erwin – _nothing_ goes according to the blond’s new plan. Because Levi isn’t happy, his face doesn’t light up, he doesn’t come closer to embrace his husband to then unwrap the gift. He _screams_ at Erwin.

“You daft fuck! I told you not to get me a present, I thought we fucking agreed, Erwin!”

…and Erwin has no idea how to react to this, the smile wiped off his face instantly, and the neatly wrapped up gift saved up for all year suddenly feeling very _heavy_ in his hands.

Then, something’s boiling over and the water leaking out onto the hot stove is causing a loud sizzling noise. But Levi’s swearing is louder. “Shit, fucking shit, fuck!” The raven runs over and takes the pot away, quickly wiping up the liquid.

“D-do… do you need help?” Erwin asks weakly, and he wishes he hadn’t. Because Levi twirls around, causing some more of the water from the pot to splash onto the stove, which makes him even angrier – _at Erwin_ for some reason – and he’s calling his husband out again. “Get out of my kitchen, you silly bum! _Now_!”

And then that’s exactly what Erwin does, with his head and shoulders hanging low and… and he’s actually really _hurt_.

He’s chewing on his bottom lip as he walks into his study, setting down the large present onto his desk, that was meant to bring so much joy to Levi, hands shaking slightly; and there’s a second in which Erwin just wants to fucking throw it into the trash can, but he doesn’t. Because he’s not like that. And because he isn’t really angry, just terribly disappointed and even a tiny bit scared, shocked. Because Levi is fucking fuming, and when he called him those names just now… it really didn’t feel as if it was meant in a joking, loveable way, like his cursing usually is.

Those words were laced with a lot of venom. And they hurt. They felt like real sharp objects, arrows maybe, fired straight at his chest and stomach; but that queasy feeling could also stem from the fact that Erwin’s hungry – but walking back into the kitchen right now is simply impossible. He’d rather starve…

Nonetheless he’s still hoping for Levi to calm down quickly, to walk into the study, hug him, tell him he’s sorry and just stressed. But as fifteen minutes pass and this isn’t happening, Erwin’s heart is sinking, breaking almost, and he is so irritated and on edge, and simply in emotional pain, the cogs of his head working on maximum power, trying to figure out what the hell just happened, that he almost combusts.

And that’s why he grabs his jacket, grabs Titan and goes out for a walk. He doesn’t enjoy it one bit. But at least the dachshund’s having fun…

Erwin meets Edgar and talks with him for a bit, and Edgar tells him to tell Levi how wonderful his cookies have tasted and thanks him over and over again for that sweet gift Levi’s also handed out to the other neighbours, and Erwin smiles – even though he feels bitter right now thinking about Levi.

Bitter and hurt. _And scared_.

What if Levi found out something when he was asleep that made him hate Erwin? But _what?_ Is this about that laughable assumption about Eren? Who definitely doesn’t have a crush on his fat and totally uncool school director, and who just wanted to suck up to him by showing up in the community centre dragging his besties along because he always gets into fights with other kids, like Jean Kirstein, and Erwin’s already told him off multiple times, even contacted his parents. Maybe he should have told all this to Levi? But it seemed meaningless, and somewhat ridiculous, because that was just joking around, and Levi, now a 40-year-old, would never actually get jealous because of a kid; or anyone else. Right?

Erwin’s brooding over the matter so hard, his forehead starts hurting from all the frowning he’s doing in that process. He sighs, and he’s scared to go back into their house, but what choice does he have?

As he turns the lock, the door is suddenly swung open from within with so much force, it startles Erwin, and the keys are basically ripped out of his hands. Levi’s standing right in front of him, grabbing the collar of his jacket, practically hauling Erwin inside, pulling out his husband’s keys out of the lock and slamming the door shut again as Titan jumps in as well. “Where the fuck have you been?!” he practically attacks him verbally – but his voice actually isn’t full of anger. It’s… it’s almost a bit weak and Levi sounds a little bit panicked, too. And Erwin understand why as soon as his husband continues. “I searched the whole fucking house for you _twice_ and then you prick left without your phone. Erwin, we agreed not to do this! We _always_ tell each other where we are and we _always_ take our phones with us. I was worried sick! I tried reaching you for like half an hour, I even went over to the fucking neighbours to look for you!”

“Oh…” Erwin mutters. He was gone this long? He hadn’t even realized.

An exasperated sigh leaves Levi’s throat – and in the next second the raven throws himself against his husband’s form, wrapping his arms around Erwin, his face pressing sideways into the blond man’s chest. “I’m sorry…” Levi mutters, much calmer now, and his words work like a plaster to Erwin’s wounds, his fingers brushing soothingly over his blond husband’s back. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that earlier. _And_ just now, and I… I don’t know what’s gotten into me…”

“I’m sorry, too…” Erwin mumbles, reciprocating the embrace, breathing a kiss on top of Levi’s head. “I shouldn’t have walked out like that, no matter what. You’re right. This isn’t what we agreed on,” he admits honestly, feeling a bit ashamed he just stormed off like that.

Levi sighs again, “it’s my fault, _sugar cookie_.”

The pet name is making Erwin smile lightly, making him feel relief, because the storm is over. And then Erwin simply tries to ask. “What… what’s wrong anyway? Are you… is it…?”

Another loud sigh leaves Levi’s mouth and the raven looks up and into Erwin’s eyes, smiling faintly, apologetically even. “I… it’s just… I think I’ve basically put too much on my plate? Like, I couldn’t decide what cookies to bake, cause you liked all of them, so I just made them _all_ again, to be sure there is enough for everybody, and then I also made a pumpkin pie, because I know how much Petra and Hange and _you_ like it, and then I want to make croquettes but mashed potatoes are fine, too, and, I still need to prepare the duck and red cabbage and… it’s just a lot, and I’m feeling like I’m standing in the kitchen for the very first time in my life,” he explains, almost frantically, and then again he sounds so weak; and the cogs in Erwin’s head finally reach their final position, giving him a possible answer as to what is wrong.

Levi’s nervous. Because even though his birthday’s never really matter to him, and he’s not scared of aging, reaching 40 is still a _big_ thing. And then Levi confesses something else.

“…also, I couldn’t sleep… like… almost at all, and gave up on sleeping at around 4 again and…”

Levi looks away and Erwin’s chest is constricting once more. “…I was snoring, wasn’t I?”

Levi sighs, and offers Erwin another one of those soft smiles. “Yeah.”

“Shit…”

“It isn’t your fault, and we’re not talking about this anymore. I could have just moved and slept on the sofa, but I was too stubborn. That’s it.”

“I’m sorry nonetheless,” Erwin mutters, bending slightly down, resting his forehead against Levi’s, who closes his eyes. “I really am…”

“…it’s not your fault, _muffin_ …” he responds, opening his eyes again, “and I forbid you to talk about it, didn’t I?”

“…I will get it sorted out in the new year…”

Levi sighs. “Yeah… Look: I’ll look for ear plugs later, like I told you before. Maybe this will already solve the problem… Okay? And now: No more talking about your snoring until the end of the year. Sorry I brought it up at all. Forget about it, _sugar_.”

They stay like this for a moment, a blissful moment. And then Erwin decides to be bold. “Can I kiss you, Levi?” he whispers, and Levi doesn’t answer. At least not verbally. Instead, the raven-haired man’s getting up on his tiptoes, arms looping around his big husband’s neck, pulling him further down, bringing their lips together in an innocent but oh so soft and wonderful touch. “Happy birthday…” Erwin murmurs against the sweet mouth he feels curling into a faint smile. And then suddenly Levi freezes, and when Erwin open his eyes, he’s looking into Levi’s wide orbs.

“Your present…. Shit, I’m so sorry for lashing out at you like that, um…”

A smile begins to form on Erwin’s face. “Do you want to open it?” he simply asks gently, all the fuss of the morning forgotten, because that’s just another little fight in their history, not the first one, not the last one, but that’s just how it is, and the way Levi’s grinning shyly now totally makes up for it. They’re good. They’re fine. They’re in love. Even if they argue.

“To be honest: I fucking do…” Levi admits, and it makes Erwin’s heart jump a little.

“You’re gonna love it,” he says, for once confident. “It’s in the study.”

Erwin’s hands are trembling slightly, but this time this isn’t caused by anger or confusion. This time it’s wonderful anticipation, and he actually feels like a little kid opening up presents himself when he’s watching his husband unwrap his gift and Levi… Levi is speechless, once he uncovers the mystery of the big box. His eyes widened, mouth slightly opened, staring at the brand new KitchenAid stand mixer with some very important attachments – like the slicer and some shredder elements, the grinder as well as the pasta roller and cutter set.

Levi averts his gaze and is staring at Erwin now, who’s kind of getting nervous because Levi isn’t saying anything. “Wh—why?” the dark-haired man finally gasps. “Erwin! I thought we were saving up for remodelling the bathroom!” he sort of complains, but doesn’t sound very convincing which makes his blond husband grin.

“We are. But I was _also_ saving up for this, because I know how much you actually hate all of your old cooking equipment, and whenever you meet with Petra the two of you never talk about anything else but the possibilities of home cooking with that thing,” he explains, and Levi frowns.

“But… No, wait. Haven’t you been planning on buying a recliner armchair for your study for _months_? You know, that fancy one with all the electronic shit where you just have to press buttons and it… kinda travels through time and space and shit like that?”

Erwin chuckles. “That can wait,” he explains calmly, “I’m not a grandpa yet, so I don’t actually need it. But I _do_ need your cooking… so this gift isn’t really selfish, and a good investment for the both of us,” he adds, winking at his husbands who is staring at the mixer in a beautiful red colour.

“You fucking bastard,” Levi mutters, and then stomps over to Erwin, grabbing his face with both of his hands and forcing Erwin to lean down to his level, smiling when he catches his husband’s slightly startled look – and then Levi kisses him. “God, I love you so much, _Erwin Ackerman_. Thank you! It’s… it’s freaking perfect and Petra will _freak the fuck out_ when she sees this tonight.”

Erwin’s laughing, both of his hands resting on Levi’s hips as they continue to exchange little chaste pecks. “I’m glad you like it…”

“I love it, Erwin…” Levi mumbles, kissing his husband again, and again, and again, “and I’m so sorry for being such a dick this morning.” Levi kisses him _again_. “I feel terrible…”

“Don’t worry about it,” Erwin responds lowly, “I already forgot all about it. And look at the bright side: Titan’s absolutely happy after our walk.”

“Where is that sausage anyways? We need to keep an eye on him. Erwin, he freaking _jumped_ onto the table this morning to eat those cookies!”

“Your cookies are irresistible. Just like you are,” Erwin responds, grinning daftly, because he is relieved that their fight really is over and that Levi really likes his gift. “I’d also jump onto any table, and even whore myself out just to get a taste of your cookies – of course, I’d only whore myself out to _you_.”

Levi starts snickering, hands sliding down to Erwin’s neck, kneading it with his nimble fingers. “Is that so?” he picks up, and sounds pretty… _sexy_. “I have my own, personal cookie-whore, huh?”

“Uh-huh…” Erwin agrees nodding, and he’s loving the smirk on his husband’s face.

“So, if I told you to suck my dick, if you wanted another one of the left-over gingerbread oatmeal cookies … you’d get down on your knees?”

“Yes,” Erwin breathes, leaning forward to kiss Levi, but the smaller man’s a tease, and a meanie, and Levi’s pulling back, preventing this contact from happening, still smirking provocatively, chuckling.

“And would you let me come all over your face for one of my vanilla crescents?” the raven probes seductively, and Erwin’s nodding again, the lewd image of what his husband’s describing literally _fucking_ with his mind, and making the first waves of arousal spread throughout his body.

“…yeah…” he rasps and tries to kiss Levi one more time, but is denied again, the raven pulling his head back repeatedly.

“Would you swallow my load for one of my frosted eggnog cookies?” he slurs.

And Erwin shudders. “Fuck, yes…” he breathes out – yet Levi won’t let him kiss him even now; and that pulls a low whine from Erwin’s mouth, and makes his husband chuckle even more salaciously.

Then, Levi asks the ultimate question: “And, _cupcake_ : Would you let me _fuck you in the ass_ to get another one of your _favourite_ cookies, the pistachio-cranberry rugelach?”

Erwin’s groin throbs while the tip of his ears are burning, as are his cheeks, and the blond man swallows dryly, opening his mouth to answer that wanton and vulgar question – but at the same moment they hear a loud clattering coming from the kitchen, and they both turn towards where the sound is coming.

“That fucking dog!” Levi spits and sets off, Erwin following on his heels.

They catch Titan running into the living room and when they enter the kitchen, they both let out a sigh of relief. Because Titan hasn’t devoured any more cookies or tried to steal the duck or something like that; he’s just caused some of the cutting boards to fall out of the lowest open shelf.

“Thank fuck,” Levi gasps, already picking them up. And Erwin lets his gaze wander around the kitchen – that really needs cleaning up. “Hey, wanna help me set up the KitchenAid?” the raven suddenly asks him, sounding excited, and Erwin’s automatically smiling as he’s looking into the equally excited face of his husband. “It’s gonna make things so much easier today!” Levi adds.

“Sure, honey,” Erwin agrees. And then the older Ackerman is bold again, as they clean the new device and plug it in, and after Levi’s made him a sandwich with ham for breakfast. “Hey, Levi… um, I know I’m usually a bother and pretty much useless in the kitchen… but… I really wanna help you today. Please make an exception and let me assist you. I will not cook, or fry or bake or even mix anything – I will only peel potatoes and shit and clean up everything you tell me, so you always have a clean space to work on. Okay?” Erwin asks. Or rather: he _pleads_ ; trying to sound as soft and innocent as possible so that Levi will say yes. “You can yell and curse at me all you want, boss,” he adds, and that just makes Levi scoff amusedly.

He looks into Erwin’s eyes, his thin lips pulling up into a smile. Then, Levi sighs. “All right, _meatball_ ,” he finally agrees. “I think that today… I could actually _use_ your help.”

Erwin’s feeling giddy. Like he used to when he was younger and his mother baked cookies with him. It’s a fond memory, and he’s grateful that Levi’s creating a similar one with him today. Because both Ackermans actually have fun in the kitchen.

Levi seems way more relaxed now that he can use Erwin’s gift, making the preparation of the red cabbage so easy according to the raven – and now that he also has an assistant by his side whom he can totally boss around, and Erwin’s gladly _running_ around, following his husband’s orders and instructions. Sometimes spoken with a gentle voice, a smile on those beautiful lips, sometimes barked and accentuated with a growl and a scowl.

Erwin’s being scolded when he isn’t fast enough with putting away stuff and Levi bemoans the way “his blond bimbo” is actually taking the tray of cookies out of the oven, “simply wrong” – and Erwin is asking himself how that is even possible, to be taking a tray out of the oven “the wrong way”. He doesn’t question it, though. Because Levi’s obviously the expert and he’s used to the man being harsh to him in the kitchen. Because just as much as Erwin is Levi’s “blond bimbo”, Levi is Erwin’s “angry little chef”, and the former Smith chuckles at this thought, earning a well-placed and hard swat on the butt “for spacing out like that” from said “angry little chef”, who’s winking at him when Erwin looks into his face; and that just makes Erwin smile.

The chubby blond sets the table, lets Titan outside for a while, and everything is ready or in a state it’s supposed to be when they each quickly take a shower, shave and dress up properly for the dinner – and the guests arrive.

Mike and Nanaba are the first, childless tonight, both daughters parked at Mrs. Zacharias’ parents, and Erwin’s best friend is totally enjoying his evening out, being an ordinary man for once – and not a dad – arriving already slightly tipsy at the Ackerman-home.

“Erwin!” he cheers, as the blond opens the door, because Levi is in the living room, opening a big bottle of champagne. “Are we finally having that famous tipsy Ackerman-duck again, or is it stuffed turkey? I am starving either way!” he asks or rather states, hugging Erwin and clapping him on the back amicably. And then as both men part, Mike’s gaze shifts and Erwin instantly feels uncomfortable, because his friend is, most definitely, looking straight at his enormous belly, his lips curling into a smirk, his mouth producing the following addition: “Or are we too late and you already swallowed both of the poor birds whole?”

Erwin freezes, and Mike laughs, once again clapping Erwin’s back, as he walks past him, and Erwin can’t even be mad at him. Because… Because Mike doesn’t mean it in a nasty way.

It’s what he always does, what _they_ always do, or rather what they have always done – what they _started_ doing back in their young years at uni – teasing each other, insulting even, taking the piss in crude ways because… it used to be hilarious. The only problem right now is: it isn’t hilarious. Not anymore. At least not for Erwin, and he feels ashamed of himself that he used to be the one commenting on Mike’s allegedly “fat, saggy, ass”, within that banter-construct of theirs, calling his best friend a “lazy fatass”, his growing beard and moustache “a pubic hair infection”, even making fun of his receding hairline just two years ago, calling him “Zackly junior”, referring to one of their odd and ugly professors who looked like a hundred-year-old despite only being in his sixties and whatnot throughout the years.

But now, this year, things are different.

Now Erwin is the one who really _does_ have a fat, saggy ass, and he _does_ have a belly – it’s been growing over the years but has never been as big as it is today – while Mike, even though he’s working full-time and a family to take care of, still kind of looks like the jock that he used to be when they were merely twenty, slim and muscled, despite the receding hairline and slowly developing wrinkles. And when Erwin thinks back to the times _he_ looked like that… he feels like punching himself in the face, or even worse: he partially feels like crying. And Mike has no idea that Erwin’s past glorious confidence that he always experienced first-hand was erased a little bit more with every passing year, and every kilogram gained – and that now Erwin’s practically already hit rock bottom. Because his confidence and his self-esteem are _non-existent_. And even though he cannot be, and _isn’t_ mad at Mike – he’s hurt.

Because Erwin’s ashamed. Of the way he looks. Of the way he makes _Levi_ look, the slender, good-looking man being with such a big, plump piece of human fat that _he_ truly is now and—

“Erwin, it’s so good to see you,” says Nanaba softly when Mike has already moved on towards the living room, exchanging hellos with Levi. The fair-haired woman is hugging him and giving him a peck on the cheek. “Sorry, Mike has already downed like half a bottle of red wine, I couldn’t stop him,” she apologizes, obviously feeling a bit embarrassed for her husband; and Erwin… Erwin is calling upon every fibre of his body and he… He smiles.

Because now is not the time to dwell on all of his self-hatred – it’s yet another box he’s forced to throw into the imaginary eggnog river. Because it’s Levi’s birthday, for fuck’s sake, and he cannot make this day about himself, and he cannot allow himself to feel down, in any way. Not on his husband’s 40th birthday. Not when he wants Levi to enjoy himself. He’s not gonna fuck this up. They already had a fucked up morning because of his snoring – he won’t ruin dinner because of all his complexes.

“Oh, let the man have some fun,” he tells the fair-haired woman, indulging in some small talk about their daughters Valerie and Amelia, the two of them walking into the living room, where Levi and Mike are already having a conversation – and the raven is totally enthralled with the gift of the couple. It’s his most favourite red wine, which he instantly uncorks to share with everyone. Cause that’s just Levi – a sharer. And he knows he’ll be getting lots of wine bottles anyway, because the group of friends established a long time ago that they would always get each other good liquor for their birthdays. It made things so much easier – and everybody loved to share a good drink, that’s why it was so fitting.

Hange and Moblit arrive next and of course it’s Erwin again who’s opening the door – and he’s sure Hange is just as tipsy as Mike upon their arrival, cackling already at horrible jokes they make, while Moblit is laughing shyly; and it’s so good to see them. And just as Erwin is about to close the door, a cab pulls up and Gunther and Eld climb out.

The two men used to go to school together with Levi, they’re one of his husband’s closest friends, and they always attend his birthday. Both claim that it was actually Levi who brought them together, made them realize they were into men – and into _each other_.

Levi had always been openly gay, no wonder with Kuchel’s support, and the man could be convincing, getting people to open up to him, open up to themselves. His friends remain forever grateful for Levi helping them overcome their boundaries, helping them to just let it happen, fall in love, and after all those years those two are finally getting married next year, and everybody is excited.

“Erwin! Merry Christmas!” Eld yells across the front lawn and Erwin’s smiling, because he really likes the two men who are now embracing him, telling him about the crazy cab driver who broke every speed limit there was on the way, while Titan is jumping up and down happily between their feet, earning ear scratches and declarations of being ‘a good boy’ as Erwin helps them out of their coats and guides them further inside.

Levi’s face totally lights up when he sees his two school mates, instantly shoving champagne into their hands, glasses clinking, and the topic of conversation switching to the big wedding planned. Erwin listens with utter delight, watching how Levi’s eyes are sparkling – because, of course, he’s gonna do the catering. With the help of Petra, who loves to cook and bake in her free time and also loves to assist Levi.

She went to school with Levi too, and then introduced Oluo to the group of friends – and it was _cupid Levi_ again whom made those two realize they were made for each other, which still humours Erwin, because Oluo has been trying to imitate Levi from the very beginning, making Erwin wonder, if he wasn’t actually in love with Levi – and if Petra wasn’t, too. But over the years he has come to realize that those two simply harbour a deep-rooted respect and a tremendous adoration on a non-romantic level for his husband.

Gunther, Eld, Petra and Oluo – they’re “his squad” Levi often says, smiling in that particular fond way only the raven is able to smile. And Erwin can clearly see this connection, the special bond they share. He has that with Mike, Hange and their partners – they all met in school as well, have known each other basically all their lives. And together, all of them, are one big family.

The doorbell rings, and Levi – in the middle of passionate wedding discussions – flinches, and their eyes meet. Erwin smiles. “I’ll go,” he says, Titan already barking and running to the entrance, and when Erwin opens the door, he finds exactly the people waiting on the other side whom he has been expecting, the very last guests: Petra and Oluo.

The woman with the dark blond hair is smiling broadly and then already looping around Erwin’s neck, embracing the tall man, greeting him in her pleasant, bubbly way that always causes Erwin to smile. “It’s so good to see you, Win!” she cheers. “You’re looking so well! Thank you for having us!”

“I’m very happy to see you,” the chubby blond answers. “Please, come inside.”

“Erwin, hey, great to see you,” Oluo greets and both men are shaking hands, giving each other comradely claps on the back in a half-embrace, Titan already enjoying the rubs and pets he’s getting from Petra.

“Where did you leave Pixies?” Erwin enquires about the pair’s dog – a brown dachshund, the pet they got around a year after Titan’d joined Erwin’s and Levi’s life...

“We left him with Petra’s parents,” the man explains, “he wasn’t feeling too well, and we wanted to spare him the ride.”

“I see, what a shame,” Erwin says; secretly glad that Titan will be on his own, because Pixies annoys the fuck out of their darling at _some_ point and it always ends up in some sort of chaos. Last year the two living wieners chased each other around the Christmas tree and made it fall over, some of the decorative balls shattering...

“PETRA!” Levi’s loud and powerful voice startles all of them, making Oluo even _yelp_ out in surprise, which makes Erwin chuckle in turn.

“Levi!” the woman at the end of her thirties cheers as she sees him, “happy birthday!”

The raven-haired grabs her arm as soon as their tight embrace is over, “you need to come with me. _Now_ ,” the captain of the school squad orders and drags her off toward the kitchen – leaving a confused and impolitely ignored Oluo behind, blinking, with his mouth agape.

“I got Levi a KitchenAid mixer...” Erwin explains calmly – and as soon as he’s said it both men can hear the female screaming already.

“Oh! My! God!” she roars. “ _She’s so freaking beautiful!_ ”

Oluo groans, theatrically throwing his head into his neck, eyes closed for a few seconds, before he turns back towards Erwin, trying to give him a Levi-like glare; but this one is not even close to anything worth calling _intimidating_. Actually, it makes Erwin grin lightly.

“What the hell have you done?!” Oluo hisses. “Now she’s gonna be all over me until I buy her one, too!”

“Well,” says Erwin, clearing his throat, “it really _is_ a helpful tool in the kitchen and—“

“Oh, shut up, old man!” Oluo scoffs – clearly trying to sound like Levi again, and making Erwin snicker at the bad imitation-process.

“Erwin!” Levi’s calling for attention sharply, and Erwin almost salutes as his husband comes storming back into the hallway. “We need another bottle of champagne!”

“Of course,” the blond answers – pretty much obediently – and Oluo sighs as Erwin’s husband and his girlfriend have set off into the living room, chattering about the KitchenAid and how it’s gonna help them with the wedding preparations.

“He still hasn’t noticed me,” Petra’s other half complains.

“You sound like a desperate schoolgirl in love,” Erwin teases over his shoulder, already on his way to the little cellar for the bottle his husband desires.

“Fuck you, Smith!” Oluo barks, and Erwin’s smirk intensifies.

“I’m an _Ackerman_ ,” he retorts, before he disappears underground.

And then... the party begins.

Erwin fills and refills glasses with the champagne, proud of himself that he was a little bit disobedient and brought two big bottles up instead of one – because they need it. Because their friends are many, and they are all fast drinkers.

Once they each have a full glass, Erwin looks to Levi, scanning his husband’s face – and Levi’s looking a bit uncomfortable because everybody’s looking at him in an expectant way, and Erwin wasn’t sure if Levi would do another exception on his 40th birthday and actually make a speech – but the raven clearly doesn’t want to, shooting Erwin an almost pleading glace, and the blond man smiles, nodding faintly at his husband whose lips twitch slightly as if wanting to pull into a smile, and the older Ackerman can see immediate relief on his husband’s face.

Erwin grabs one of the little spoons lying on the table right next to him and uses it to clink against his champagne glass a few times, drawing everybody’s attention to him. And even though he is used to this – giving speeches in front of a crowd because of all the assemblies and other school-related issues – something about this feels... _different_. And a wave of... anxiety washes over him. And when he realizes why, he wants to fucking slap himself across his round and fat face – _because now isn’t the time for this_.

He calls upon his professionalism and forces himself to believe that this is just another one of his appearances at school and that his audience shudders because of his authority, which gives him a boost of usually missing self-confidence outside of work.

“Levi, darling,” he addresses his husband, giving the love of his life a fond smile. And even though his initial plan was to make a funny speech, suddenly he can’t. Because he’s overwhelmed with the feelings exploding inside of his chest as the dark-haired man looks at him with so much... _love_ in his eyes. Erwin has to swallow. And he feels as if he was a teenager again. Unable to express all of what’s going on in his heart and mind with adequate words. “I am so happy to be celebrating this important day with you”, he says. “As your husband I feel blessed every day. You’re the one person that makes me feel whole and complete, and I will be forever thankful that you chose me to accompany you on your life-journey.”

The women of the group all sigh in a touched way at this, while the men all smile fondly. And Levi... Levi’s smiling in this breath-taking way: a little bit embarrassed, a little bit happy, a little but annoyed. _It’s gorgeous_.

Erwin raises his glass and the others do the same. “So here’s to you, to 40 years of the mad and magnificent Levi Ackerman,” he says, grinning slightly, and the group chuckles.

“More like _grumpy_ and _great_ ,” Gunther comments and Eld elbows him playfully while the others, including Levi, chuckle again.

“All those years you have stayed true to yourself,” Erwin continues, a little bit more serious again, “and all I can tell you is that you are a wonderful human being. You are kind, loyal, reliable, funny... extremely good-looking,” that’s when Erwin earns another round of chuckling, “and... simply awesome. Please don’t ever change, husband! And thank all of you,” he adds, gaze roaming over all of their guests, “for showing up today to celebrate my wonderful partner. Merry Christmas and happy birthday, Levi!” he toasts and the whole group starts singing that exact tune after each has taken a sip of the bubbly drink, and Levi’s blushing, walking towards Erwin in the middle of the song, cupping his face with his free hand and pulling him down for a chaste but lovely kiss.

...and the way the dark-haired smiles at Erwin afterwards... it’s _mesmerising_.

The chattering begins as soon as Levi orders everyone to slowly sit down as he wants to serve the pumpkin soup – and when it comes to serving, Erwin is free to help out as much as he desires and it actually makes him really glad. Because he really likes helping Levi, and he wants his husband to spend as much time as possible with his close friends on his birthday, that is why he always takes care of clearing the table.

It took years of discussions for Levi to let him do that and hold back himself a little. Let Erwin watch the drinks, get new bottles, carry away the empty ones, see if everyone has what their wish for, and the blond man truly enjoys those loveable tasks. Because just like Levi he likes taking care of people too. Likes taking care of his husband, see him smile, watch him have a great time.

And Levi does.

Erwin watches him from across the table. It’s another one of their “traditions”, this one including their friends. All the couples basically split up at the table, mingling with everybody, meaning that they don’t sit next to one another – because they see each other every day, and Christmas is supposed to be about catching up with the others, sharing some memories with their mates they don’t see so often anymore. Nobody really knows when they started this “tradition”, it actually feels like it’s a natural thing that happened and is still happening today, each one of them sitting down to the people they feel like talking to, whom they’ve missed.

This is how Erwin ends up sitting at the end of the table, with Mike on his left side and Hange on his right side, his husband eating his very delicious soup served with fresh garlic bread right out of the oven at the other end of the table with Petra to his right and Gunther on his left. The other couples have also mixed up, and Mike is telling him how his girls wanted him to tell “uncle Erwin” and “uncle Levi” how much they were looking forward to the sleepover at their place and playing all night long with Titan, already counting the days to this annual new-year-event.

“Sometimes I feel they are even more excited about coming to you guys than Christmas,” Mike scoffs and Hange cackles.

“It’s because this house is like a candy paradise!” they counter. “That’s why I love coming here. And the booze!” they joke, and Mike and Erwin laugh at that, clinking their wine glasses together, Mike beginning to tell another story of his daughters.

There’s just one problem.

One little, tiny problem that begins anew with this lovely and funny remark about their house being a candy paradise, that a part of Erwin suddenly can’t view as such. Because it’s starting to happen again. Those clouds that are darkening his personal sky, turning a warm and sunny day into something gloomy, brewing up a ruthless storm.

It’s a really wonderful evening, with wonderful company and wonderful food, and Erwin wants to enjoy it just as much as he wants Levi to enjoy it – but as time passes, it becomes more and more difficult for him.

After the pumpkin soup Levi is, indeed, serving the famous tipsy Ackerman-duck – it’s parts of duck breasts as well as legs out of the oven, baked on a bed of dried apples, cranberries, apricots and plums with a (very big) touch of high-class slivovitz, an Eastern European plum brandy, served with mashed potatoes and potato dumplings (because Levi decided against croquettes) and warm red cabbage salad, cooked for a few hours to make it exquisitely tender – just as the flesh of the bird to be devoured is – spiced with the fat of the duck, cranberries, raisins, red wine and apples. _And all of it is fucking perfect_.

Conversations are flowing, everybody’s laughing, drinking wine, eating, moaning because it tastes so good, complimenting the chef over and over again, and Levi’s happy (and a bit proud) – and it all should make Erwin happy, too. And he tries so, so hard to enjoy every minute. But the more wine he drinks, the more his thoughts spiral out of control, and the more everything is… It’s just _getting_ to him.

For instance… For instance, how everybody _looks_. Compared to him.

They’re all his age or only around five years younger than him, and yet… And yet they all look so much fitter and healthier than him. They are all so much thinner. Even Oluo, who has always been a bit on “the chubbier side” as people like to phrase it. But now… in direct comparison with Erwin’s big round belly, Oluo’s is… a little, insignificant bump that can actually only be seen when he’s sitting down and bending over, while Erwin’s is… It’s just fucking huge. It cannot be overlooked. It doesn’t disappear, no matter in what position his body is in. It’s always there, always sticking out. Fuck, he can’t even see his own dick properly.

And suddenly, Erwin’s pants start feeling as if someone had shrunken them magically, making them almost a size smaller, the fabric eating into his chunky thighs and his big ass, the fear of them simply tearing in the middle when he moves being born, and he feels the same way about the black dress shirt he’s wearing, feels as if it was stretched way too tightly over his manboobs, exposing those fucking tits, exposing his fucking barrel-like belly, the buttons flying off any minute and—

Erwin feels bad that he is actually thinking like somebody who’s an envious twat, who isn’t able to feel happy for his friends, for the things they’ve accomplished like keeping in shape, and it bothers him. He feels ashamed. Because he really only wishes his friends well, and he’s never been the type to compare himself to anyone, especially not the people he loves and likes. So what the fuck is happening?

He tries to fill another box and throw it into the imaginary river. But the storm inside of him has turned into a hurricane, and the harsh, cold winds not only haul this new box right back at him, they also wash the boxes already drowned in the fantasy eggnog ashore, bust them open – and all the contents, all those dark and gloomy and horrid emotions and thoughts are unleashed and crash over Erwin like a tidal wave.

Because he listens to everybody, to every word said. And it’s not even that those comments pouring from some mouths are aimed at him, meant to torment him, because they’re not snide remarks, not literal commentaries. It’s just things people say, he knows. And yet… and yet he’s taking every single declaration, no matter how short it is, fucking personal; _and it fucking hurts_.

Levi asks Nanaba, if she would like another duck leg, and she puts her hand on her stomach, groaning. “Levi, please, no – it’s super delicious, but I already look as if I’m four months pregnant again, cause I’ve eaten so much!” And everybody laughs. Everyone except for Erwin. Because Nanaba’s very flat stomach doesn’t even look as if it’s bloated. And if Nanaba’s stating she looks four months pregnant, then what does she think about him? That he’s what? Pregnant in the 9th month with quadruplets?

Oluo holds out his plate to take the leg Nanaba’s just declined, stating: “I know I should stop, but – I’ve always been a fatass anyways, so what the hell!” And everybody’s snickering. All except for Erwin. Because if Oluo is a fatass, then what is he? With a rear three times as big as Oluo’s? A freaking corn harvester?

Moblit declines some more of the red cabbage that Eld is offering to put on his plate. “My god, if I eat any more of this I won’t be able to get out of the door!” he jokes, and there’s some more laughter, and Erwin’s asking himself if Moblit assumes that he cannot fit the door frame, then what does he think about him? That Erwin’s chair is gonna break down underneath all of his fat? That he’s gonna get stuck when trying to walk into the kitchen? That he needs a scooter to even be moving around?

Erwin’s actually glad he has an excuse to leave the table, bringing all the dirty dishes into the kitchen, declining the usual offered help of his friends, smiling politely and telling them to enjoy themselves, assuring he can take care of this himself, also giving Levi a faint smile, when his husband shoots him a glance, engaged in a conversation with Petra and Gunther – and then the blond quickly runs out, because he doesn’t want Levi to realize that something’s off, because he doesn’t want to ruin this day for him, god damn it!

He’s ruining it for himself, though.

Because he’s not able to tell his mind to shut up, feeling horrible that he eats another small portion of the Christmas dinner hidden from everybody in the kitchen – because he wasn’t completely sated yet, but after all those comments how everybody was already nearly exploding and full and almost feeling sick because they’ve eaten so much, when in fact most of them hadn’t even had Erwin’s full portion, he just felt way too embarrassed to be the only one still eating.

And now he feels even more embarrassed, taking his time to clean the plates and put them into the dishwasher, securing the leftover food to eventually store it away in their second fridge down in the basement, getting some new bottles for their guests, smiling at everybody when he briefly visits the table to hand over the fresh drinks, pouring Levi a new glass of red wine which his husband is asking for, all in smiles as Gunther and Eld retell the events of their proposal – which was romantic indeed, at their favourite restaurant, with the clichéd ring in the glass of champagne Gunther arranged for, and this actually manages to make Erwin smile. Especially when Levi’s glancing at him in this soft way, probably thinking about how he himself proposed to Erwin all those years ago.

The blond hadn’t been expecting it, had actually come to terms that Levi wasn’t a man believing in marriage. Maybe because his dad had walked out of his mother’s life so early, that Levi could not even remember him, only having his uncle Kenny as a father figure in his life before the man left the country to try his luck overseas. Maybe because Isabel’s and Farlan’s parents had also split up, leaving their small children behind even. Erwin had understood all that, with the help of his parents, who managed to convince him that even without a legal paper, he and Levi could be a happy couple forever, till death do them apart.

So when Erwin came home on a Friday night after school one day, expecting their usual nice dinner beginning their weekend, one that Levi finally had off, he was surprised to find the living room only lit by candles and decorated with white lilies, Erwin’s favourite flowers, and red gerbera, Levi’s favourite flowers, and two big glasses of red were waiting at the table, the meal wonderfully prepared – like in a restaurant. And when suddenly Erwin heard Levi clear his throat behind him and turned around, found his husband down on one knee – his heart began to pound wildly in his chest.

_“Will you marry me?”_

He can still hear Levi saying those words in this soft way, to which Erwin, of course, said yes – bursting out in tears of happiness…

That memory helps him to find peace for a few minutes, and his hand automatically reaches out, fingers threading through Levi’s hair, making the raven look back up at him, smiling, and then Erwin’s bending down to place a kiss onto Levi’s temple, and Erwin’s husband giggles slightly, clearly enjoying this display of affection, which makes this cosy warmth spread inside of Erwin’s chest.

But then, as he is straightening himself back up, he feels someone’s eyes resting on him, and when he looks around he realizes that Moblit is gaping at his belly – that must have seen even larger than it already is when Erwin was bending down to give his husband that innocent kiss, and even thought Moblit isn’t looking at him anymore, because he is saying something to Nanaba, gazing at her, Erwin still feels sick, and he’s right back in the middle of the storm.

And it doesn’t get better.

Erwin prepares the table for dessert and when he goes back to fetch some missing little forks and grab the cookies, Levi walks into the kitchen, startling Erwin as he walks up on him from behind, both arms snaking around his form – his belly – and the raven’s pressing his face against the middle of Erwin’s back; but Levi uses too much force, making Erwin feel truly sick for a moment.

“Whoa, you’re squeezing the life out of me!” he nearly yells, and the pressure eases, and Levi’s giggling again, and when Erwin turns around within Levi’s now light embrace, he sees the light rosy blush across his husband’s usually pale cheeks, indicating that the alcohol he is consuming is having an effect on him.

“Sorry, _my sweet, white chocolate chip_ ,” Levi murmurs, smiling brightly – and that smile does something to Erwin. Makes him soften up, makes him forget all those dark thoughts for a second yet again. “I’ll get the pumpkin pie, and I swear: you’re gonna love it, baby,” Levi says, and then he’s pinching Erwin’s chubby cheek, his smile dazzling and endearing, and Erwin’s heart skips a beat. “You get the cookies, all right, _sugar_?”

Erwin’s nodding, reciprocating the smile.

Their guests cheer and roar when they see the sweet treats, Hange and Petra especially, and Erwin’s really looking forward to try the pie but… but he feels like a pig, feels like everyone’s watching him, wondering how big of a piece their fatass-friend is going to put on his plate, how many cookies he is going to shove down his throat, stuff into his belly that is more of a freaking black hole. And what makes it worse is… What makes it worse is that Levi, only meaning well, Erwin knows, gives him a _really_ big piece of the wonderful pumpkin pie, and ignores all of Erwin’s protests, usually fake and stupid. And usually Erwin’s glad his husband does that – but not tonight.

Because he feels so ashamed of himself, wondering what his friends might be thinking in secret, feeling sorry for Levi for being with such an obnoxious partner like Erwin, wondering if Levi isn’t unhappy being with such a chocolate-gorging gob, when he could be with someone really hot and enticing and—

“God, this is so delicious!” cheers Hange. “I wish my husband could bake like that. Erwin, I am fucking jealous! Levi, can you please give Moblit one more chance and teach him?”

“No fucking way,” the raven-haired snorts, “he’s a hopeless case, just like my Erwin.”

“At least we’re good eaters, right Erwin?” Mobit counters, not really expecting an answer – and Erwin really, really, really knows Moblit doesn’t mean it in a nasty way, because he is laughing shyly, when Hange is giving him shit about at least trying to learn how to make spaghetti in a decent way… but Moblit’s words really do get to him, and he’s looking down at the unfinished piece of pie, and feels physically sick. And it hurts him. And he’s angry. Because he loves this pie and Levi made it with so much love and now he can’t finish it and Levi’s gonna be disappointed and—

Once more, Erwin feels a gaze lingering on his form, and when he lifts his head, he sees that Levi’s staring right at him.

He’s probably asking himself why Erwin isn’t eating the pie, and when he sees that Levi is, indeed, raising one of his brows in this questioning way, Erwin forces himself to smile – and finish what is on his plate, giving Levi a quick “thumbs up”, confirming that he loves his husband’s creation, which he really does, and the raven smirks in this contented and proud way that usually makes Erwin’s knees go weak. But right now it doesn’t. Because Erwin’s way too tense.

Because it’s a freaking rollercoaster ride.

On the one hand, Erwin is really enjoying the company of his friends, talking to Mike, Hange, and the others, about current affairs, their families, but also bullshit and their history, funny encounters, memories of getting stupidly drunk as students and whatnot. And what he enjoys even more is watching Levi interact with his friends – and get really tipsy, the sharp tip of his nose turning red, his eyes a little bit glassy. But the most beautiful thing about a tipsy Levi surrounded by his squad is the fact that… That Levi’s giggling, and smiling, and laughing; loudly and without any restraints, sometimes even choking on his own spit when they are all breaking out in fit, like now, because Eld is making fun of one of their former teachers whom they all despised and who was, indeed, a weirdo.

On the other hand, Erwin cannot shake off all those negative emotions unleashed from those hellish boxes, and he still feels uncomfortable in his clothes, in his own skin, wishing he could just wrap himself up in something covering his true form. But what would that be? A sheet for their king sized bed? A marquee? A bloody _tent_?

Erwin sighs – and his pants still feel as if they would tear apart any minute.

And things only get worse.

Because when he’s finished bringing everything into the kitchen and the people move from the table to their big couch and armchairs and Eld gets the fire going, Levi startles Erwin in the kitchen again. “You all right, _sugar cookie_?” he asks, words slurred a tiny bit, which makes Erwin feel so bad, because Levi is having such a fantastic time and he is on the verge of ruining that.

So he’s telling himself to fucking keep it together, forces himself to smile. “Yes,” he answers, “do we need more wine?”

Levi seems to be buying it, relaxing instantly, hands resting on his hips, looking ready for some action. “We need the amaretto,” he states, “and cream.”

They also need apple juice and cinnamon. And out of those ingredients Levi, in no time, makes the final part of the dessert, heating the apple juice mixed with the alcohol, and topping each glass off with whipped cream, powdered with a little bit of cinnamon. And the drink’s freaking perfect, and everybody’s freaking moaning when they take their first sips of the sweet and horrifically heavy drink looking at the fire.

“I’ll be right back,” Erwin mumbles, kissing the top of Levi’s head, venturing back into the kitchen because the dishwasher should be ready and he wants to open it so that the hot air can escape.

When he walks back into the living room, there’s a lot of cackling going on, and then Hange looks at him, screaming. “Come here, Erwin! You need to look at this!” And it’s only then that Erwin registers what is going on – that someone, presumably Levi, has dug out some of their old photo albums, and his throat begins to feel tight as he walks over and sits down next to his husband, Hange having made room for his big ass.

It’s pictures from when Erwin was merely 23 years old, freshly together with Levi, just turned 18 at that time. It’s a party in his and Mike’s flat, with Nanaba and Hange present as well, and they all look as if they have drunk way too many shots – which was the case, and it’s true: they look hilarious, screaming drunkenly at the camera, dressed in clothes that people laugh about now, empty beer cans and vodka bottles scattered all over the place.

But what Erwin is staring at the most isn’t even Levi, looking gorgeous and sexy as always. It’s his own non-existent belly. His flat stomach. His tones arms. His young face.

And Erwin feels terrible.

They look at pictures from a Christmas party when Erwin was 24, and he looks stunning, they look at photos from a holiday with everyone present when Erwin was 25, and he looks stunning, they look at pictures from a night out when Erwin was 26, and he looks stunning – and Erwin’s feeling nauseous.

Because his friends have barely changed – while he’s become a freaking whale.

He is so glad that Titan has the perfect timing, the little dachshund stopping right in front of him, barking, wanting to go outside. “Will you let him out into the garden?” Levi asks, still giggling along with everybody else at a picture of Erwin and him dressed super badly for a Halloween party from almost more than 20 years ago, the blond wrapped up in toilet paper imitating a mummy, while Levi is dressed in a cheap white gown, his whole face even paler than usual, completely covered by baby powder, meaning to be posing as a ghost…

“I’ll take him out for a quick walk,” Erwin tells Levi, already getting up, “with all the turmoil going on today it will be good for him,” he adds, as soon as he realises that Levi wants to protest.

“Okay,” Levi agrees then, sighing a bit, “but—“

“I’ll take my phone, yes,” Erwin says, forcing a smile.

“Hey, I’ll come with you, if you want,” Mike offers. And usually Erwin would be glad to have his best friend accompany him – _but not today_.

“No,” he thus says, “you stay here and enjoy the party, man.”

“I could really use some fresh air,” Mike retorts.

“Might help you to sober up a bit,” Nanaba adds, smirking.

“I’m not drunk!” Mike slurs – which makes his wife laugh out.

“ _I-I’m n-not d-druuunk!_ ” Hange imitates the shaggy blond, exaggerating on his slurred words, and a play fight breaks out, making Erwin believe his friends are twenty again; and it’s a nice thing, and usually he’d enjoy it, join it, laugh at it. But not today.

Because he’s in a foul mood after this picture show, and he just needs to be alone. Because he doesn’t want to ruin it for Levi, whom he gives a quick kiss on the forehead before telling Titan to come with him and walking out of the room, the laughs of the group of friends reaching him even in the hallway.

Erwin steps out into the cold and takes a deep breath.

And he feels like shit.

Bloated, big, his coat stretched all around his massive body. His walk lasts almost a whole hour, but nobody seems to be complaining about that, not even Levi, who hasn’t called him – because he probably hasn’t realised how much time has passed, and even though Erwin knows this, has experienced the extreme fast flowing of time when drinking himself, he feels a bit sour about his husband not caring that he was gone so long.

And he hates himself for it.

Tells his idiotic mind to shut up about it and be a fucking man.

But it’s so freaking hard, because when he comes back, almost completely sober due to the cold air and because Erwin has eaten so much he would need a lot more alcohol to actually feel intoxicated, the rest of his friends has become even more tipsy, and in some cases – like Mike’s and Hange’s simply drunk. The conversations are loud, chaotic, Hange and Eld are trying to dance, and it’s hilarious, and Moblit’s crying because he is laughing so hard – and so is Levi, but at least _that_ makes Erwin’s smile a little.

The rest is just simply torture. Because he catches fragments of conversations as he clears the big as well as the coffee table of used plates and glasses and empty bottles – and he doesn’t like those snippets.

_‘God, I gained so much weight over the Christmas period already.’  
‘After tomorrow I am hitting the gym so hard again.’  
‘My jeans don’t fit anymore, ha ha ha!’  
‘I think I have diabetes after stuffing myself with all of Levi’s cookies.’  
‘Look at my freaking tummy, it’s the Mount Everest.’ _

And everybody saying this is freaking thin – and it’s driving Erwin insane. But worse than that: It’s making him feel horrific about himself.

That’s why he busies himself with cleaning, unloading and reloading the dish washer, taking care of washing up all the big bowls and plates and cutlery by hand, bringing the leftover Christmas dinner down into the cellar, cleaning the stove, the counters – and he knows he is just buying time, that he’s hiding, and he feels like shit because of that.

“There you are, _cookie_!” Levi nearly yells out and startles Erwin once again, making the chubby man even jump up a little, which in turn makes his husband huff out a laugh. But as soon as Erwin turns and looks at him, the smile disappears from the raven’s face – and Erwin panics slightly, forcing himself repeatedly to smile.

“H-hey…” he mumbles, clearing his throat, turning back around to make his back face Levi, busying himself with packing away the dried cutlery, “you having fun? … _darling?_ ”

Erwin startles again, as Levi, obviously having snuck up upon him, suddenly grabs his arm and twists Erwin around, a frown on that beautiful face, the tip of Levi’s nose still reddish, a faint blush spread all over his glowing cheeks. “What’s wrong, _sugar_?” he enquires, tilting his head. “Did something happen on the walk with Titan?”

Erwin’s shaking his head. “No, everything’s fine,” he lies, and this time Levi isn’t buying it. Not really. He’s looking at him sceptically.

“You sure?” Levi asks, and Erwin nods.

“Yes, I just wanted to clean everything up, you know… use the fact I sobered up a bit during the walk.”

“We could have done that together after the party…” Levi admonishes lightly, his hand rubbing Erwin’s arm, “so let it be and come back to us. Have another glass of wine. Can’t let you be sober on my birthday, can we?” he teases gently, and Erwin’s trying to grin, thinking about how many calories a single glass of the heavy red wine has, how many he has already taken in today, and—

“Erwin,” Levi’s serious voice brings him back into reality, “what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nothing, I told you already,” Erwin snaps, and bites his tongue afterwards, scolding himself for being such an idiot. “Come on, let’s go,” he quickly says, before Levi can retort anything and rushes past his husband, back into the living room.

But Levi’s on his heels, sensing that something is wrong, and Erwin, refilling his glass of wine, can feel his husband’s observant eyes resting on him the whole time. Also, Levi suddenly doesn’t leave his side, sliding onto the sofa right next to Erwin, putting his hand onto the big man’s thigh, stroking him tenderly – and that’s just making everything so much worse, because Erwin has a bad conscience, keeping Levi away from his friends because the raven feels the need to take care of him.

Erwin sighs, turning to his side to face his spouse. “I’m fine, Levi,” he says in a low voice, and Levi scoffs.

“Are you?” he responds somewhat bitterly, but it isn’t really a question, and Levi’s looking directly into Erwin’s eyes, and Erwin can’t stand it, looking away, taking a sip of his wine, looking over to Mike who… who’s fallen asleep at the end of the couch, arms crossed over his chest.

“Look at that, sleeping like a baby,” Erwin comments, to avert Levi’s attention, and it kind of works, the raven’s smirking lightly.

Nanaba comes back into the room, probably from having used the bathroom, and freezes when she sees her husband snoring, rolling her eyes, clapping his shoulder, waking him up. “Get up, you oaf!” she scolds. “We’re going home!”

And that’s when Levi gets up and makes an announcement. “I think this is the perfect time to call it quits,” he states, smiling lightly at everyone, “drink up and get your asses home, people. I want some quality time with my husband.” Erwin swallows and… and he doesn’t know how to feel about this.

Well. He does.

He feels bad. Because Levi’s breaking up the party because of him. And he cannot move a muscle to stop him. And he doesn’t know why.

Eld, getting up to his feet as well, snickers, looking over at Erwin in this provocative, teasing way. “ _Quality time_ ,” the man’s teasing, winking hilariously over the top at the blond, “you getting some dick tonight, man!”

“Eld!” Gunther, a little bit less intoxicated than his fiancé, scolds him, rolling his eyes. “For _fuck’s_ sake…”

“Yeah,” Eld chokes out laughing, “they’ll definitely _fuck_ …”

“Oh, Jesus…” the dark-haired man huffs out, and Hange’s cackling, stumbling over their own two feet, making Moblit rush to their aid before they fall down, and Levi’s rolling his eyes, while Petra chuckles. And Oluo? He’s sitting in the armchair at the corner of the room, cuddling with Titan, only half-conscious.

…maybe it really is time to bring this celebration to an end, Erwin considers, watching how all of their friends try finding all their stuff while he calls for a minivan cab to fit all of them into one vehicle.

They all hug, saying goodbye – and when they do, Erwin’s brain is being a bitch again, because all he can think of is how small they all are in comparison to him, and how compact their bodies feel, while his is all wobbly and soft and… disgusting.

And when Levi walks with Petra and the others to the street, making sure they all really fit into the car, still discussing some things about the wedding, or maybe something else, Erwin remains inside, fearing another confrontation with Levi, deciding to run, leave the remaining glasses to be put away in the morning, storming upstairs and into the bathroom, jumping into his pyjamas before Levi can find him.

Because he feels like a freaking wrinkled hippopotamus, and changing in front of Levi, showing him his naked bare ass, his uncovered, bloated, fatty belly makes Erwin cringe, and all he wants to do is cover himself up so that nobody, so that _Levi_ , cannot see him.

But, of course, Levi won’t let him be.

“Erwin, where the hell are you?” he hears his husband calling him from downstairs, and his chest constricts, and his throat feels dry. Fucking alcohol. Despite not being drunk, the wine is making Erwin a bit more emotional than usual, and he cannot contain his thoughts and feelings like he usually does when he has… those moments. “Erwin!”

“Be… Bedroom,” Erwin finally answers loudly – and a second later he can already hear Levi’s footsteps approaching, his husband coming up the stairs.

“Here you are…” he says softly, walking towards the bed and Erwin’s finger dig deeper into the blanket that he has pulled up all the way, covering half of his face. He feels the mattress next to him give in a little, meaning that Levi’s sat down. And then Erwin feels the blanket moving, and Levi’s pulling it from his face. “Hey…” he mumbles, and Erwin’s chest constricts even more and he cannot look Levi in the eyes, closes his, as to prevent this from happening. “Hey…” Levi repeats ever so softly, and Erwin flinches lightly, as Levi’s small fingers suddenly find their way onto his cheek. Levi’s breath smells of amaretto and wine. He isn’t drunk – but definitely tipsy. “Talk to me…” he prompts, the hot air coming out of his mouth brushing over Erwin’s skin.

“I’m… I’m just tired…” Erwin tries. But he fails.

“Bullshit,” Levi retorts. “Tell me what’s wrong…”

“Let’s… let’s talk about it tomorrow,” Erwin tries again, “y-you’re… you must be tired, too.”

“Erwin!” Levi scolds, pulling the blanket even further down, making Erwin squirm and open his eyes, grab the duvet, because he’s feeling exposed, the need to cover himself making him act uncontrolled. His husband blinks. And when Erwin finally looks at Levi – he feels so bad. Because concern is written all over his spouse’s face. “What… what happened?” the dark-haired breathes out. “Erwin… did you receive some bad news? Is something wrong with the school? God, is everything okay with _dad_?” Levi begins to sound panicked – and that’s when Erwin knows he has to say something, _do_ something.

“Nothing’s wrong with dad or the school,” he answers, and sounds even weaker then he feels, sitting up slowly and leaning against the headboard of the bed, making sure to cover his fat and swollen barrel of a belly, “everything is fine.”

“No, it isn’t sugar,” Levi continues to speak softly to his husband, who is looking down at the pattern of their bedding. White stars on an ocean blue background. “Please, Erwin, _talk to me_ …” the raven then suddenly pleads, putting his small hand on top of Erwin’s, and the blond feels as if someone had grasped his heart and was squeezing it.

“I’m ruining your birthday, that’s what it is…” Erwin mumbles and hears Levi scoff lightly.

“You’re not,” the raven answers gently, “but you need to tell me why you’re upset, honey…” Levi mumbles – and then it happens.

Erwin’s husband moves his hand, sliding it on top of Erwin’s gigantic, fucking boar-belly – and everything inside of the blond man just… it just crumbles. Because he feels so disgusted with himself, so angry, so freaking ashamed, so uncomfortable that he slaps Levi’s hand away.

The sound of the unfortunately hard slap fills the silence of the room – and Erwin’s shocked, and so is Levi. But the raven is also pissed off, because he jumps up onto his feet and _yells_ at his husband. “What the fuck, Erwin?!”

…and Erwin is too tense to say anything, just staring open-mouthed at his spouse, who is glaring at him.

“Okay, seriously,” Levi breaks their silence, not sounding so soft anymore, “ _now_ you’re really beginning to ruin my birthday, Erwin. So, what’s wrong with you? Spill it, _meatball_.”

…and it’s that pet name that usually makes Erwin smile and feel loved but at this moment makes him angry, makes him feel hurt, makes the winds of the hurricane come back and hurl the contents of all those freaking boxes thrown into all those imaginary rivers right at his fucking big, round, fat face – and Erwin snaps, because something inside of him just freaking _breaks_.

He scrambles out of the fucking bed, nearly falling down onto the floor, but he doesn’t care, because his inside world is in flames and he’s on self-destructive mode. “Yeah, damn fucking right, I’m a fucking a _meatball_!” he screams. “A fucking _fat mountain_! Look at me, Levi, _look at me_ – I’m a disgusting fat pig. How the fuck could I let that happen?! None of my clothes really fit, I couldn’t squeeze into my winter jacket from last year, my ass is the size of a freaking armchair, and did you see the way our friends kept staring at my enormous freaking belly?” he hisses, his voice cracking. “I look as if somebody pumped my freaking stomach like a freaking balloon, I’m ugly as fuck and it’s not fair to you – this,” he spits, slamming his fucking meat-barrel with both of his hands hard, because he deserves that pain, “this is not the man you married, this is not the man you agreed to spend the rest of your life with! This—“

“Erwin, stop!” Levi screams, and only then the blond realises that for one, tears are streaming down his cheeks and for two, Levi is… Levi is absolutely horrified and… and he looks absolutely hurt, and— “What in the world…” the raven mutters and his voice is trailing off as he walks towards Erwin, grabbing both of his wrists. Harshly. Erwin flinches, as Levi squeezes down on them and looks up and into his eyes, his expression serious. “Don’t ever, ever slap your tummy like that again,” he says, his fingers wrapping themselves around his husband’s arms even tighter, while Levi’s voice is calm and tender – yet there’s also hardness in it, somewhere in the background, and Erwin swallows, sniffles, and he’s confused and intimidated and hurt, and his heart is still beating loudly in his chest and— “Did anybody say something to you?” Levi suddenly enquires. “Did any of our friends say something bad to you? Because if anybody did, I need to know – because I don’t want anybody in my house offending my husband like that. No matter who they are.”

“Wh-what…” Erwin chokes out, his wrists still being held by Levi, who is looking at him in this very serious and somewhat intimidating way. “N-no… nobody really said anything it’s just…”

“Then where is this suddenly coming from, baby?” Levi asks – a lot calmer and really gentle, his face turning super soft. “You’re beautiful!”

Erwin’s scoffing. “ _Beautiful_ ,” he repeats incredulously – and that’s the moment Levi’s suddenly pulling him at his wrists, manoeuvring him to sit down at the edge of the bed; and then in the next instant the raven-haired is going down on his knee, between Erwin’s legs, looking up at his husband, still holding onto his wrists.

Then, Levi lifts Erwin’s left hand to his mouth and breathes a kiss onto the back of it, doing the same with Erwin’s right hand, all the while looking his husband deep into the eyes. “Yes,” Levi repeats in a tender tone, “you are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, Erwin.”

…and as much as Erwin wants to believe those beautiful words his beautiful husband is saying to him, while looking so vulnerable and honest and serious… he can’t.

“I’m an obese and obscene geezer,” he counters, and Levi’s shaking his head.

“You’re big, Erwin, yes. You’re not _obese_ ,” he answers calmly, once more, “and I told you just yesterday: I see you as my lovely and sexy bear, Erwin. I’m crazy about you, for fuck’s sake…” Levi’s offering his husband a warm smile. “Seriously, what has brought this on?”

Erwin sniffles and Levi’s starting to stroke his wrists carefully, his thumb moving in circular motions, and it helps, it really helps to calm him down, and Levi’s words, even though Erwin doesn’t truly believe them, at least help to not freak out anymore, stop him from shouting.

“I… I don’t know, I just… I just…” Erwin sighs, his shoulders slumping and some more tears burning behind his eyelids, and he feels pathetic, because he is a 45-year-old man and here he is, sitting in his bedroom, crying about being fat. “I am a fucking clod, always the chubbiest, and I hate slim people making comments about being fat after just one fucking big meal.”

Levi sighs. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t realize those comments hurt you,” he mumbles softly, “I’m an idiot. I should’ve told them to shut the fuck up.”

“No…” Erwin mutters, “it’s… I know that it’s just a thing people tend to say without really thinking…”

“I’m still sorry they hurt you, that I hurt you.”

“You didn’t hurt me, Levi!” Erwin protests, looking back into his husband’s eyes.

“And you’re not an obese and obscene geezer,” his husband counters gently, making Erwin sigh.

“I’m fat and ugly Levi, and nothing you say will change that,” Erwin states.

Levi clicks his tongue in an irritated fashion at that, letting out a long sigh afterwards, and Erwin can’t face him, looking at the floor instead. But Levi isn’t having this. “Look at me,” he demands softly. “Erwin – _look at me_ ,” he repeats his request a little bit louder and Erwin can’t but obey the younger Ackerman, shifting his gaze, meeting Levi’s beautiful orbs. The man’s smiling. “You’re beautiful,” he says again, making Erwin’s heart skip a beat.

But…

“You don’t really mean that,” the blond hears himself replying, hurting himself in the process, because he is hoping for a denial, but he’s realistic – how can anyone find him attractive? “You only say this because you have to, because you’re my husband, and you’re trying to calm me down,” he says, gaze roaming through the chamber.

“Erwin,” Levi repeats and waits until his husband is looking at him again. “You’re beautiful,” he says one more time, smiling so tenderly, his fingers still stroking his wrists, and Erwin doesn’t know how to describe that feeling taking over the space inside of his chest.

“…no…” he breathes, but that just makes Levi’s smile grow even softer.

“You’re beautiful, Erwin Ackerman,” the raven says, “and I love everything about your body. Everything.”

“But how can that be?!” it breaks out of Erwin. “When you met me I wasn’t like this! When you met me I was less than half of what I am now! And that’s your type, isn’t it? Slim, muscled, firm. I am anything BUT that!”

…Levi’s smile does not falter. It becomes even softer, and Erwin cannot believe what he is hearing. “That _was_ my type, Erwin. But I met you more than twenty years ago. Do you really think my tastes haven’t changed since then? That I still like what I liked when I was, what… 17 or 18 years old? If that was the case, then, um, you’d be eating salami pizza every day and I would be drinking fizzy and sweet alcopops instead of exquisite dry red wine, and, um, I’d still be listening to techno instead of rock and I we wouldn’t have a dog, because I used to despise them, and I’d be still wanting to go out every weekend to dance my ass of instead of watching movies with you on our couch… People change, Erwin,” he continues to say placidly. “You changed, I changed, what’s the problem?”

“…you’re not seriously telling me that you… that you… that you like chubby men now?”

Levi chuckles, and it’s an endearing sound. “That’s exactly what I’m saying,” he breathes out. “I like _you_ , Erwin. The way you are. You’re beautiful – and you turn me on. Your body turns me on. Your magnificent manboobs, your thick and squishy thighs, your round ass and your bear-belly, and I mean that in a very positive way – everything about you, your body, is a fucking turn-on. I’m guilty as fuck.”

Erwin has no idea what to think. No idea what to say. His mind is working on overload. Because… what in the world is Levi saying?

How can he…

This isn’t possible…

Is it?

Erwin’s frowning. Two sides of him battling on the insides.

“What…?” he finally whispers, his voice almost not audible. And he’s so scared. Because that cannot be. “You’re… You are just saying that to calm me down…”

“No,” Levi protests softly, “you know I never lie to you, Erwin. I mean it,” he emphasizes. “Every single word,” he says, and then he’s sighing, grinning in a very shy and endearing way. “Actually, I have something to confess,” he then starts, getting up from the floor to sit down on the bed next to his husband. “Um…” Erwin’s getting nervous, but Levi’s grinning a bit. “I… um… I started… watching porn again, when… when you were so busy and I needed a bit… I needed to get off, okay? And sometimes just _thinking_ of you isn’t enough to get me going, I’m not a teenager anymore, you know what I’m talking about…”

“Oh…” it escapes Erwin’s mouth, and the thought of Levi watching all those trained naked men fuck the brains out of each other actually hurts and he has no idea in what way this confession should help him or—

“I don’t do it a lot,” Levi continues, “and this isn’t meant to justify this, I’m not looking for an excuse or anything, and it’s also not about making you feel guilty for being busy, you have a busy job, I get it, but… When I watch porn, I only watch movies where at least one of the actors is… _a chubby man_ …”

_What?_

Erwin’s… surprised.

Confused.

And…

_What?_

“Oh…?” His skin begins to tingle in a weird way.

And Levi’s glowing in this mesmerising way, still grinning shyly, continuing with his explanation. “Yeah…” he says, “because I like to blend out their faces and imagine it’s… you… and I’m the other… protagonist…”

“Oh…” Erwin mumbles again– and he cannot deny the surge of happiness that is finally allowed to be racing through his whole body, like the sun shining on the devastated land after a harsh storm, intruding on the overall confusing still gripping the blond. Even though Erwin is still confused and… surprised. Astonished even.

“Yeah…” Levi rasps, putting his warm hand onto Erwin’s pyjama-covered thigh. “As I said: your body is a turn-on for me – I love it, just as much as I love you for who you are. I love you inside out, _sugar cookie_.”

Erwin’s pressing his lips tightly together, totally touched by his husband’s tender words, his brain still processing everything that has happened, everything that Levi has just revealed to him. He clears his throat. “You…” he starts, “you’re _really_ turned on… by my chubby body?”

“Yes,” Levi says, nodding. “I really am,” he confirms. And there is no sign that makes Erwin believe his husband is… _lying_. “I think my taste changed alongside your body, who knows, and frankly speaking: I don’t give a shit, fuck the reasons.”

“But…”

“No buts…” Levi says, smiling tenderly.

Erwin swallows. “But I’m… being fat is ugly.”

“Says fucking who?”

“…everyone…”

“Then to fucking hell with everyone,” Levi counters, “and since when does ‘everyone’ matter more than _me_ , cupcake, huh?”

Erwin swallows again. “You… you really mean all… that?”

Levi’s nodding once again. “You’re beautiful, Erwin. And you’re making me feel horny, especially when you’re only dressed in these thin pyjamas,” Levi breathes, and then he suddenly grabs Erwin’s right hand and shoves it between his own legs, and the blond, chubby man gasps. Because through Levi’s slacks he can clearly feel his husband’s semi-hard cock, and it’s twitching slightly. “See…” Levi rasps huskily, “ _this_ is how you make me feel, Erwin…”

The blond man swallows thickly, and he cannot believe this is happening, but he doesn’t have time to actually catch up, sort out his thoughts and emotions, because Levi’s grabbing both of his wrists again, and then charges at Erwin, capsizing him, making the broad back hit the mattress, pinning both of his hands above his blond head against the mattress, while he gets onto him, knees planted to either side of his body, pushing down on him, on his belly, smirking in the most enthralling way that is pushing all of Erwin’s buttons. And before he can say something, Levi bends down fully, pressing his lips against Erwin’s.

The kiss feels fantastic. It’s soft and tender but deep and wanton at the same time, even though Levi’s not even pushing his tongue into and— No. No, Erwin’s wrong, he is so wrong, because his husband is, indeed, forcing his lips apart, asking admittance, and the blond man willingly obliges, and Levi’s wet muscle slides into his cavity, licking behind his teeth and under Erwin’s tongue, tangling with it, dancing with it, tasting him, while keeping him pinned down on the bed – bringing his spinning mind to a stop.

Then, Erwin feels it, the slight but definite movements of Levi’s hips, as his husband starts grinding himself against him, his growing cock pressing down against the lower part of his belly.

They break apart, causing a naughty smacking noise to be produced, and Levi’s lips hover millimetres over Erwin’s. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers, his hot breath caressing Erwin’s mouth, “every part of you,” Levi adds, playfully licking over Erwin’s lips, before he lets his own sink down on them again, indulging the blond man in yet another not-so-chaste kiss.

…and he’s still grinding against the blond.

And then Levi’s lips go on a little journey, one they haven’t been on for quite some time, and all those sensations this travelling is causing, help Erwin to push all those dark and gloomy thoughts slowly into the background. Because his husband’s breathing little kisses across his cheek, and then his hot amaretto-wine-breath caresses his ear next. “You’re so god damned beautiful, Erwin,” he whispers into it and sends shivers down Erwin’s spine, which intensify as soon Levi’s lips latch onto his lobe – one of Erwin’s weak spots, and the blond man’s eyes finally fall shut, as he shudders pleasantly when Levi begins to suck on his earlobe playfully.

“Fucking beautiful,” the raven-haired murmurs, flicking his tongue over the moist piece of Erwin’s ear, biting into it next, only to suck it into his mouth again, “fucking hot…” he adds in another raspy whisper, and Erwin shudders once more, while Levi’s mouth is already on its way again, wandering down his throat, leaving a trail of kisses along the way across the sensitive skin – and then Levi pulls a moan from his husband’s mouth as he lets his teeth sink into the spot where Erwin’s shoulder and neck meet; another one of Erwin’s weak spots.

Levi sucks the flesh into his mouth, most definitely bruising it, and Erwin squirms beneath him, his husband’s nimble fingers still tightly wound around his wrists, keeping Erwin’s hands pinned above is head – and it all begins to make Erwin feel slightly dizzy, those wicked thoughts of self-loathing almost non-existent at this point. Because Erwin is a man, after all, and Levi’s pushing some of his most exquisite buttons; and Erwin’s groin is awakening and the lust his husband’s treatment is unleashing begins to flood all of Erwin’s senses.

_And those sweet words Levi is murmuring to him over and over again… they make him feel so loved and appreciated._

The raven licks over the spot he has just sunken his teeth into – and then suddenly lets go of Erwin’s wrists, moves his body to sit up, making Erwin open his eyes automatically. The view the blond is greeted with is… phenomenal. Levi’s face is lined with lust, heavy-lidded eyes looking down at him. “Fuck,” Levi huffs out and instantly bends down again to reclaim Erwin’s mouth.

This kiss isn’t chaste even in its beginning. It’s wild and sloppy, and Levi is practically shoving his tongue back inside of Erwin’s mouth, dragging it across Erwin’s, exploring the dark cavern, while he begins to grind himself against the big body underneath his once again – and Levi’s rock hard, Erwin can tell, feel it, and it’s making him shiver. Because…

Because _he_ is doing that do Levi, isn’t he?

Levi is aroused… because of _him_? Isn’t he?

“Fuck,” Levi groans again, licking over Erwin’s half-opened mouth, looking down at him again in this nearly predatory way, “you have no fucking idea how fucking sexy you are, _blondie_ ,” he growls, accentuating his statement, by pressing his dick particularly strongly against Erwin’s body, making himself moan lowly; and that sends a wicked wave of arousal through Erwin’s system. “C’mon,” Levi murmurs, letting go of Erwin’s wrists, sliding off his body, “move up, to the middle of the bed.”

It’s not a harsh command, and yet Erwin follows it immediately, his own cock twitching between his legs as he risks a glance at Levi’s groin, his hard prick clearly visible underneath the fabric of his slacks. And then, more of Levi’s body becomes visible, because the raven’s opening up his dress shirt and sliding it off his shoulders, throwing it carelessly onto the floor, and Erwin’s looking at his pale chest, and before he can say anything, Levi’s moving between his legs, bending over him, grabbing the hem of his pyjama top, pushing up to Erwin’s chin, revealing his husband’s body – and in the first second, when Levi’s gaze comes to rest on his naked torso, Erwin flinches. Because he feels ugly, fat, disgusting, and he feels the need to cover himself up again – but then Levi whispers “you’re so freaking hot, sugar” and all of those feelings just… dissipate. “Get this off,” Levi whispers harshly, tugging at the hem, “I want to see all of you…”

…and Erwin obeys again, pushing the pyjama top with Levi’s help over his head, watching soundlessly as his husband throws the garment onto the floor as well – and then Levi’s lips are back on the bruised spot, and he’s biting into it again, making Erwin’s body jerk, and a groan escape his mouth.

Levi sends his lips onto a new journey, moving over Erwin’s collarbone to his hairy chest, eliciting a moan from his husband as his wet, kissing lips reach another one of those weak spots that make Erwin’s brain shut down – his left nipple, which Levi is flicking his tongue over now, kissing it, grazing the hardening bud with his teeth lightly, while he pinches Erwin’s right one with his thumb and index finger, pressing his cock against Erwin’s thigh, beginning to rub himself against his chubby husband as he fondles with the blond man’s nipples and makes Erwin moan and sigh – his mind blank again, only focussed on Levi’s devilish administrations.

“I fucking love your tits…” the raven rasps, while he switches positions, his mouth moving to Erwin’s right nipple, while his fingers are twirling his left, making Erwin shudder and his fingers dig into the sheets – because he is so fucking sensitive. “Fucking perfect…” Levi growls against his skin and nipple before biting down on the bud, making Erwin moan.

“You’re so fucking hot,” Levi repeats, as he is moving down Erwin’s body, his lips travelling south, leaving feather light kisses all over Erwin’s torso, his belly, following a particular visible line of hair in the middle, dipping his tongue playfully into his husband’s naval along the way, until he reaches the waistband of his pyjama pants that are, in no way, able to hide his raging erection. “Hello, there, _sugarcane_ …” Levi mumbles amusedly and brushes his fingertips over fabric-covered, twitching length, making Erwin release a low moan.

As soon as that sound has left the blond’s mouth, Levi sits up, and Erwin watches him unbuckle his belt quickly, shimmying out of his slacks, ripping his boxer briefs off his body, freeing his large and thick cock – and Erwin’s breath hiccups when he looks at it, pre-cum already welling at the exposed tip, and all he can think of is: _Levi is hard because of him._

And then Erwin’s groaning, because his naked husband lowers his lips onto his dick, blowing kisses onto the solid length, his breath hot despite the fabric between his sex and Levi’s mouth. But this soft barrier is taken down rather quickly, Levi’s fingers grabbing the waistband of the blue pants, prompting Erwin to lift his ass, so that he can slide it off his hips and legs – and the piece of clothing joins the rest on the floor.

Erwin feels uncomfortable being exposed like this for a second – but then Levi’s lips wrap around his cock and he feels his husbands big and moist tongue circle around his sensitive tip, and all is forgotten. All but the lust Erwin’s experiences, and which is clouding his mind in a nice way, and Levi begins to truly blow him, suck his dick, bob his head, swirl his skilful tongue around the wet head, and all Erwin can do is let out his building arousal in the form of moans, hisses and groans.

Levi’s licking his cockhead, looking up at him, his warm hands fondling with Erwin’s enormous balls. “You’re so fucking hot,” the raven whispers against the weeping slit and Erwin squirms, “and you taste so freaking good,” he adds, lapping up the salty liquid oozing out of his husband’s cock – and Erwin has to admit to himself that he loves it when Levi’s a bit tipsy, because the man is losing a lot of inhibitions in bed; because usually Levi is not a huge fan of sucking cock, not always wanting to be drinking up Erwin’s cum, and he’s even a little bit put off by licking up pre-come at times. But not now…

_…and maybe he’s also doing this as an exception because of Erwin’s little breakdown?_

What happens next is definitely something Erwin wouldn’t have even expected in his wildest dreams – because he cannot remember the last time when this happened.

Levi, totally aroused, lets Erwin’s sex slide of out his mouth, and suddenly he’s climbing on top of Erwin, but not like he had done before, facing Erwin – Levi turns around, looking at the end of the bed, looking down on Erwin’s belly and his fat, twitching cock, planting his knees to either side of Levi’s chest, sitting down onto it, and thus, pushing his ass into Erwin’s face, and Erwin’s holding his breath, because he isn’t sure if this is really happening and if Levi really wants him to—

“Lick me, sugar, I cleaned myself before I came up here,” the raven’s panting _and Erwin’s brain short-circuits_.

Because this also means Levi was planning on going down on him before their talk, and somehow this is making feel Erwin extremely… good.

His massive fingers dig into the taunt flesh of Levi’s hips and he holds him in place, while Levi steadies himself holding onto Erwin’s propped-up thighs. The blond’s staring at this beautiful, pink hole right in front of his mouth and he doesn’t hesitate, gets to work immediately, carrying out his husband’s wish, his tongue darting out, sliding over Levi’s entrance – and all the hairs of Erwin’s neck and arms stand up as soon as he hears that almost desperate moan leave his husband’s throat, who’s arching his back and pressing back against Erwin’s tongue, adding a breathless curse. “ _Fuck…!_ ”

Erwin’s groin almost aches at that, his cock practically bobbing up and down, and he puts in all his love in eating Levi’s ass, burying his face between those beautiful cheeks, holding Levi firmly in place while moving his tongue over his rosy asshole, dragging it over it again and again, feeling how Levi’s slender body on top of his own shudders, hearing his partner moan wantonly. “Fuck! Yes, Erwin…!”

Levi’s deep and desperate voice is pushing all of Erwin’s buttons and he begins to change the movement of his tongue, now circling the twitching ring of muscles. He moves his hands down from Levi’s hips to the man’s firm ass cheeks and he spreads them apart even further, the musk of his husband filling his senses as he inhales deeply – and then Erwin _licks_ deeper. Slicking Levi’s asshole up, pushing the tip of his tongue in, starting to slowly fuck Levi with his wet muscle, each of his thrusts drawing out sweet moans and sighs, and sometimes even high-pitched noises Erwin can’t even place in any category of salacious sounds. They all make him dizzy – and his cock grow even harder…

Also, because Levi’s truly shameless tonight, rutting against Erwin’s nose, as he’s urging him to go even deeper – and Erwin feels overwhelmed by all of this, how enticingly Levi’s hips are moving as he is pushing back and how loudly he is moaning and cursing. Because this filthy act, so often denied by the raven, probably due to his fastidious nature, is turning his husband on so freaking much right now. And this sexy enthusiasm is incredibly arousing for Erwin – and so he obliges, trying to push his tongue into Levi’s asshole as deep as it can go, trying to fuck him with his wet muscle as hard as he is able to, while Levi’s arching his back and pushing his ass further against his face, making Erwin shudder and groan himself.

“I need your fingers…!” Levi, his cock leaking, suddenly pants – and then slides off of Erwin’s body quickly, to open the drawer of his night stand, fishing out the bottle of lube in there (which they could definitely use more often), immediately climbing back onto Erwin’s chubby body, resuming his position with his ass pressed into his husband’s face, who instantly begins to lick his hole again, making Levi shudder and moan, while the raven reaches for Erwin’s right hand and coats it with the sex gel. “Erwin…” he pants when he’s done, and Erwin simply groans a confirmation, moving his hand between his husband’s cheeks, to his spasming hole, pushing his index finger in slowly through the sphincter and Levi throws his head back. “Fffffffuck! Yeah…”

It doesn’t take long until Erwin is fucking Levi with three fingers, enjoying the warmth around them, Levi’s soft and wet walls sucking him in and he’s playing with his husband’s prostate, while still licking around his hole – and he cannot remember the last time when he’d heard his husband moan and sigh and curse _this_ much and _this_ intensively… it’s making Erwin almost lose his mind, and a wave of gratification washes over him, when Levi decides it’s time for them to move to the next step.

“I need your fucking dick, _daddy_ …!” he moans – and Erwin’s cock twitches so hard, it almost hurts.

And then he’s the one moaning because Levi, still remaining in this reverse-straddling position, leans forward and swallows Erwin’s dick in his greedy mouth, sucking, licking, moaning around it, while Erwin’s grunting against Levi’s hole, in which his fingers are still buried, which he is still licking, until Levi decides he’s truly ready, suddenly moving his whole body again, Erwin’s fingers sliding out of his moist hole as his husband turns back around to face him, grabbing the tube of lube and coating Erwin’s prick underneath his body with it – and then Levi, smirking at Erwin in this enticing way, his face flushed, hair dishevelled, breath ragged, holds on to the monster on which he slowly begins to sink down.

He moans as the tip of Erwin’s stiffness stretches his quivering hole, but he’s not stopping, sinking further down, taking Erwin’s another couple of centimetres up his asshole, and Erwin’s sighing, moaning too, mesmerised by this sight, his big hands holding onto Levi’s small hips, his thick fingers rubbing soothing circles onto the porcelain skin, as the raven throws his head back, his mouth hanging open, producing another wanton sound as Erwin’s cock disappears fully in his canal.

And Levi feels warm, searing hot around Erwin’s dick. Despite being stretched properly, his husband’s ass is tight, and Erwin feels as if it was sucking him in. The pressure of Levi’s burning walls around him is perfect, and when the raven-haired begins to move – Erwin almost comes instantly, because he is so happy, and so aroused, and they haven’t had sex for such a long time that it all feels even _more_ intense.

Levi’s begins stroking his own throbbing cock, tilting his head to look down at Erwin, whose face is flushed as well – he is so aware of the blush, but he doesn’t care. “You feel so good, Erwin…” Levi moans, and then the raven begins to move, riding his husband’s cock, as if there was no tomorrow.

Levi’s movements are precise. Slow at first. But just as Erwin the lust is consuming him whole, and just after a little while he’s slamming himself down hard and fast on his husband’s cock, and Erwin knows whenever Levi manages to make his dick hit his sweet spot – whenever Levi groans and whimpers in that enticing way.

“Fffuck… fuck, Erwin… fuck!” Levi’s moaning, his own hard cock bouncing as he’s stroking himself in the same wicked rhythm he is fucking himself on Erwin’s cock – and climax is just around the corner, the orgasm building itself up in Erwin’s balls, his abdomen clenching and unclenching.

“….fuck…” he hears himself moan, and that curse paints an alluring and utterly sexy grin onto his husband’s lips.

“You close?” he huffs out, circling his hips, making both of the men growl, and Erwin’s nodding, panting, groaning, and his balls are tingling and the sensation reaches the tip of his cock buried deep inside of Levi’s hot ass and then….

“Fuck!” he groans again, just a second after a whole litany of curses leaves Levi’s mouth, because the man is tripping over the edge, his cock spurting thick white come all over Erwin’s big belly, and his ass is pressing down all around Erwin’s cock, practically milking it, taking Erwin down together with Levi, making him shoot his thick juice deep inside of him, and Levi – wantonly moaning and cursing – rides out his orgasm, and continues moving until every single drop of cum has left Erwin’s sex, until the man flinches due to oversensitivity. Only then Levi stops, his own breath still ragged, looking like a mess.

He falls forward, hands resting on Erwin’s shoulder, his face hanging right in front of Erwin’s. Levi’s grinning, his eyes glassy, skin slightly moist due to the beads of sweat that have formed there. “You know…” he breathes out, Erwin’s soft cock slid out of his ass, “I would kiss you right now, tell you how fucking beautiful you are… but your mouth and especially your tongue were in my asshole, so…” he chuckles, and Erwin can’t help but grin, his breath still going heavy and the bliss of the orgasm making him drift on cloud number nine, “so I will only tell you again how beautiful you are,” Levi continues calmly, pressing a soft kiss onto Erwin’s forehead. “I love you, Erwin,” he adds a little bit more serious, hands cupping his husband’s cheek, who is smiling lightly – and this time Erwin isn’t faking it, and he isn’t putting any thoughts in a box. Because he’s happy. He is truly happy.

“I love you too…” he murmurs and Levi’s kissing the corner of his mouth.

“You _do_ smell like ass, though…” he then remarks – and that has Erwin just laughing. Because this is so typically Levi. This feels so right, so known to him. This is home. Because his home will always be by his husband’s side.

“Will you kiss me when I brush my teeth?” Erwin asks quietly and Levi smiles.

“Of course, all night long if you want to.”

Erwin threads his fingers through Levi’s slightly moist hair. “Levi…” he murmurs his husband’s name, “thank you.”

The raven grins. “Are you seriously thanking me for having sex with you?” he teases him.

“No,” Erwin says, chuckling, “I… thank you for making me feel better… in an emotional way!” he quickly adds, and Levi’s laughing.

“So you didn’t feel physically good?” he taunts him. “That truly didn’t sound and feel like this. Your cum is leaking out of my asshole…”

Erwin snickers. “But seriously… thank you,” he adds a little calmer, and Levi offers him a very soft smile.

“You’re beautiful, Erwin,” he says once more, “and I won’t get tired telling you this over and over again, until you understand that, you daft fuck. And now do go and brush your teeth, cause I really wanna kiss you…”

“Okay…” Erwin agrees and hurries up, his chest feeling as if someone had warmed it up from within, and he cannot stop smiling, because… _because he feels so loved_.

And even though Levi is already asleep, snoring lightly, when Erwin comes back, he can’t stop smiling, wiping some more cum from his husband’s behind before pulling him into his arms, once again spooning him and pulling the covers over their naked bodies. And then he kisses Levi’s nape tenderly, trying not to wake Levi up. And he doesn’t.

“Thank you…” Erwin whispers once again.

And sometime after that he, too, falls asleep feeling… _absolutely blessed_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We hope you all had a wonderful Christmas eve - and that you enjoyed out little update here and all the art D'oki has posted on Twitter!
> 
> -> https://twitter.com/Eruvin_Smisu
> 
> You can all find them listed in this thread: https://twitter.com/SummoningIsis/status/1196112561843965952
> 
> Thanks again for the feedback that has reached us so far. We really appreciate every like, retweet and especially comments here on AO3 and on Twitter - we poured our love and souls into this and hearing that people are touched by this really means a lot to us :-)
> 
> Enjoy the rest of your Christmas holidays and we will see you tomorrow for the final chapter! 
> 
> I cannot believe this is almost over... what a ride!!!!


	4. Scrambled eggs and raspberry champagne

__

_26 th of December_

Sunlight is pouring in from between the blinds when Erwin opens his eyes. And in the first moment, the blond man is simply confused – because how come he’s still snoring when he is awake?

His mind needs a few seconds to clear, and then Erwin’s lips are already pulling into a very satisfied and enamoured smile. Because he isn’t the one who’s snoring: it’s Levi.

They must have untangled during the night, because his husband isn’t resting in Erwin’s arms anymore but is lying on his back, both of his arms stretched out to either side, legs spread widely so that the raven-haired is taking up almost the whole bed, the duvet only slightly covering his lower body. His dark hair is mussed, standing out to every side, there’s a bit of drool running down the corner of his open mouth and there are clearly imprints of the pillow on the left side of his face.

Erwin can barely contain a giggle, though he must admit that the sight of Levi sleeping so peacefully and undisturbed is also warming up his heart.

Levi’s body is taking what it needs, what Erwin’s husband wasn’t able to do for the past few days, partly _because_ of the blond: rest. That’s why Erwin moves carefully, sliding off the mattress almost in slow-motion, succeeding in not waking up his spouse. In the same fashion the big man gathers some of his clothes and sneaks out of the bedroom, closing the door behind himself almost silently and leaving the younger Ackerman to his obviously very cosy dreams.

Erwin lets Titan out into the garden and then – as quietly as possible – starts cleaning the remnants of yesterday’s Christmas dinner, smiling when the texts start coming in via their group chat and the guests of yesterday emphasize how much they enjoyed the evening spent together, once again praising Levi’s culinary skills.

And suddenly, Erwin feels ashamed.

Because he remembers all those envious thoughts he had the night before, comparing himself to his friends, even feeling a little angry because they are slim and he isn’t, and he wishes he could take all of it back, erase the dark moments he experienced. Because he also feels really stupid about having reacted the way he did – like a frustrated teenager. But that’s also when the _other_ memories start pouring into his brain, Levi’s voice, whispering and murmuring to him, his tone warm and enticing, comforting.

_‘You’re beautiful.’_

…and Erwin can’t help but smile and blush a little as he starts feeling giddy because he remembers how his husband – greedy and aroused – pushed his butt right into Erwin’s face, and how he was allowed to finally eat him out again; and a cascade of pleasurable shivers travels down Erwin’s spine.

Then, the blond does something he doesn’t do often – he cooks. And it makes him feel giddy and excited, but also nervous. Because it’s for Levi.

He finally wants to realize his birthday plan, serve his husband breakfast in bed. Which is so special because usually Levi always is the one to get up first and prepare breakfast, even during the week when Erwin’s working. The blond is always coming down to find a fully prepared meal at the kitchen table – and a packed lunch. And he’s told Levi so often that he doesn’t have to do it, but his husband insists, telling him he’s up anyway and that he enjoys preparing Erwin’s most important meal of the day.

...and when Erwin comes home from school in the late afternoon or early evening, dinner’s always ready...

So he wants to repay the “favour”, at least this once, and surprise Levi, reverse the roles, make the raven-haired be served and pampered in this way.

Erwin doesn’t cook anything too fancy, makes scrambled eggs with ham, toast with butter, cutting up some of the cheddar Levi likes so much, a few of the sweet tomatoes his husband’s bought, preparing two mugs of tea – but also of champagne, adding a few raspberries Levi’s gotten from who knows where. And grinning like an idiot – because Levi hasn’t woken up yet and destroyed his plan once again – Erwin sneaks the stairs up and back into their bedroom carrying the tray in his slightly trembling hands, totally happy he hasn’t dropped anything once he is inside, arriving at his sweet destination. He puts the tray onto the small chair in the corner of the room, opening the blinds slowly, illuminating the room. It’s cloudy outside today, but at least there is no rain.

Suddenly, he hears Levi groaning and moving between the sheets and when he looks over, Erwin can see that his husband is stretching his limbs, blinking, truly waking up. Quickly, he snatches the tray with their breakfast and positions himself right next to bed, smiling at Levi when the dark-haired man finally fully opens his eyes and looks straight up at him.

“Huh…?” it pours out of his mouth.

“Good morning,” Erwin says, and Levi seems confused. “Or rather: good afternoon. Sit up, love. I… uh, I made breakfast,” the blond announces and it’s only then that Levi’s gaze shifts to take in the tray Erwin’s holding in his hand. When he sees that little frown appearing on Levi’s face, Erwin’s scared he might get a reaction similar to the one in kitchen yesterday, when he showed up with his husband’s birthday present – but he’s wrong. Because only a second later, the frown disappears and Levi’s eyes widen slightly and his lips curl into a warm smile, his gaze shifting back to settle on his spouse’s face.

“You’re the sweetest, _sugar_! And it’s the perfect time to finally be getting up,” he announces, sitting up, looking at the food which Erwin places over his lap now. “Mhmmm… that looks delicious, pumpkin!” he’s praising – and Erwin cannot deny that a remark like that coming from Levi means the world to him.

“I, uh, hope it’ll taste fine, I think I left it on the pan for too long and—“

Levi’s already shoved a fork into his mouth, groaning now. “It’s perfect, _sugar cookie_ ,” he says, smiling fondly. “Thank you. Will you join me? I won’t finish this on my own, you know,” he adds, smirking a little, petting the empty spot next to him on the bed.

“Of course,” Erwin says, already climbing onto the mattress from the other side of the bed – and that’s when they hear the very careful and quiet whine coming from the door, both men turning towards the sound at the same time, looking at Titan who’s sat down on the threshold, staring at both of his owners.

“Tiny bastard’s smelled the ham,” Levi comments, doing something Erwin was hoping he’d do and not connected to the dog – digging in with his fork and bringing the small portion of food up to Erwin’s mouth, feeding him; and the eggs surely taste okay. Titan whines again and Levi scoffs, taking a bite of the cheddar, groaning slightly, which makes Erwin’s skin tingle a little. “Fuck, I love that cheese.”

Titan whines again, and Erwin’s feeling a bit sorry for his little darling, because he surely wouldn’t mind their dachshund lounging with them on the bed during breakfast; but instead of beckoning Titan over, he ignores the dog with a heavy heart. And that’s when Titan whines a third time and Levi’s sighing, and Erwin’s bracing himself for his husband to yell at the dog to go back downstairs.

But Levi doesn’t.

He does the opposite.

“Come here,” he tells their boy, petting the spot between their bodies on the bed – and three seconds later the dachshund’s jumping into their bed, laying down between his masters, wagging his tail – and Erwin’s mouth is hanging open when he watches Levi fish out a piece of ham from the scrambled eggs, giving it to Titan.

“…” Erwin wanted to say something, make a remark, but he is too stunned to produce any words. Because Levi doesn’t allow Titan to even come into the bedroom. And now here he is: calling the dog over to lay with them on the mattress.

“Don’t you fucking dare say anything,” comes the scolding, “this is a one-time exception,” and Erwin’s trying to suppress a grin, starting to scratch Titan behind his ear instead, getting fed some more scrambled eggs from Levi, who finally takes the glass of champagne, handing the second one over to Erwin when they’ve almost finished the breakfast, talking a bit about Gunther and Eld and how happy and excited about their wedding the two seemed to be, and Erwin’s thoughts wander back to their own wedding, when they click their glasses.

They got married at an old farmhouse transformed into a quaint hotel and restaurant, in the middle of the forest, the alter situated right at the little lake framed by the majestic trees. They sat at the little dock close to midnight, already married, the party raging on behind them, inside and out on the terrace, looking at the stars, drinking champagne. It was a blissful moment.

“Hey…” Erwin murmurs, as they both pet Titan who’s dozing off, and their fingers brush, “want to go back to the place we got married at for our anniversary next year?”

Levi’s smiling. “That… would actually be really awesome,” he answers – and then leans forward, placing a soft kiss onto his big husband’s cheek, smiling tenderly when their eyes meet. “Thank you for breakfast, _muffin_ ,” he tells him, “it was really delicious.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

They finish their champagne. “How about I shower, then we clean up downstairs and go for a walk with Titan?” Levi suggests, and Erwin’s grinning, sort of triumphantly, feeling great.

“I already took care of the cleaning part,” he discloses, and Levi’s right eyebrow goes up.

“Did you?”

“Yes,” Erwin confirms, nodding, “and just the way you like it.”

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” Levi responds, grinning lightly, leaning over again, kissing Erwin on the mouth this time before standing up and walking to the bathroom – and Erwin cannot help but stare at his husband’s bare ass moving seductively as he’s walking away, the memories of the night before once again reignited.

Erwin is, indeed, successful – and Levi’s pleased as well as impressed with the state of their living room and kitchen, pinching Erwin’s cheek in a loveable way, and then grabbing his hair, pulling him down for another kiss, both man smiling into the chaste contact. “You ready?” the raven asks and Erwin nods.

The air outside cold, it’s minus 3 degrees Celsius. They still go for a really long walk into the forest, have Titan running around like crazy, alternating throwing his little ball after which the dachshund chases with a lot of barking and enthusiasm. The dog’s easily entertained and tires quickly, this time choosing Erwin to carry him, which the blond does with a lot of pleasure.

They talk about their “nieces”, Mike’s and Nanaba’s daughters whom they love really much – and who will be visiting in the new year for a sleep-over. Levi’s gonna be making his famous pizza, cause the girls love choosing the toppings and baking it with their uncle, “helping” him, feeling mighty and proud; just like Erwin does when the younger Ackerman chooses to let him assist the chef of the house.

“We could take them pony riding,” Erwin suggests, as they talk about possible activities for them and the girls besides stuffing themselves with pizza and ice cream and a lot of candy and watching Disney movies until they all fall asleep sprawled across the sofa with Titan sleeping on top of the human pile.

“That sounds like a good idea,” Levi agrees, “and there’s this new and really big playground in the forest just two villages down – it only just opened, with lots of things to climb and huge slides. If the weather is fine, we could take them.”

“Oh, Amelia would go crazy, for sure,” Erwin hums, thinking about Mike’s younger daughter who has just turned eight and is full of energy.

Levi’s smiling, and Erwin can already picture the girls forcing uncle Levi to try all the things out with them, while they make uncle Erwin take care of holding onto their stuff and handing out snacks, giving them a push on the swings – and he cannot wait to have the girls over.

“Fuck, I think my nose is frozen,” Levi swears as they enter their home after being outside for almost two hours and Erwin tries to put Titan into his dog bed without waking up the snoring dachshund.

“Let me see,” he tells his husband, giving the tip of his nose a quick peck, “I’m afraid you are right, honey. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll fix us something warm to drink? What do you want?”

“Mulled wine,” Levi answers without hesitation, “I bought a few bottles of our favourite one. They’re in the basement.”

“Okay, I’ll get them,” Erwin says, and when he’s heated two big cups and returns to the sofa, Levi’s already started a fire, turned on all the Christmas lights and put on some music, waiting for his husband under the woollen blanket.

“Come here, _sugarplum_ ,” he says in a loving tone, lifting the blanket to have Erwin slip under it – and then Levi’s immediately snuggling up to him, and his arm snaking around Erwin’s body feels just… wonderful, and the mulled wine tastes lovely, and Levi’s hair onto which Erwin breathes a mellow kiss smells beautifully and Erwin pulls the raven-haired man as closely as possible and Levi hums contentedly, taking another sip of the sweet wine.

They talk about the party, and Erwin can’t wipe the smile off his face when Levi emphasizes just how much he loves his new KitchenAid and how it already proved itself in the Christmas dinner preparations and how he cannot wait to test it further. They talk about what Levi and Petra are thinking of preparing for Gunther and Eld’s wedding, they laugh about how drunk Mike and Hange were, wondering how their partners need to take care of them today.

“I have to admit: I was pretty tipsy, too,” Levi says, the amusement evident in his tone, and Erwin’s smiling softly, thinking back to his husband’s state and how Levi had just given into his lust and…

And suddenly there’s a dark voice inside of Erwin’s head, whispering something ugly into his ear, and Erwin tries not to listen.

“You’re not hungover though, are you?” he asks instead, and Levi shakes his head, scoffing.

“I feel perfect, though I have to say this mulled wine is already making me feel tipsy again,” he answers, huffing out a laugh. “But fuck it, it’s Christmas. We can be tipsy all day long if we feel like it.”

“True,” Erwin agrees, grinning faintly, the voice inside his mind quiet again.

“Wanna get us a refill, _biscuit_?”

“Of course.”

They drink their second glass, finishing watching “The Grinch”, and right after the movie ends, Levi announces something. “I have a present for you,” he says, smirking, and Erwin’s frowning in confusion, and also because he feels a little bit bad.

“We said no Christmas presents,” he reminds his husband a little bit sternly, who’s standing up, rolling his eyes.

“Says the dude who got me a fucking KitchenAid,” is all the raven retorts, snorting, making Erwin shut up immediately, because what can he say to that? “Come on, _pancake_ ,” Levi prompts a bit softer, holding out his hand for Erwin to grasp, which the man does reluctantly, because he didn’t get Levi anything for Christmas and it’s making him feel like an asshole, even though he knows it shouldn’t. “It’s more of a little surprise than a present,” Levi explains, once they’ve arrived back in their bedroom, obviously seeing Erwin’s light frown. “Here,” Levi opens the bottom drawer of their dresser and pulls out something wrapped in red gift paper, “open it.”

“Th-thank you,” Erwin says as he takes the soft present alias surprise into his hand.

Levi snorts again. “Don’t thank me yet,” he says, rather cheekily, and when Erwin tears open the wrapping paper and takes out what is inside, he immediately knows why and starts laughing – because he is holding a brand new, very ugly Christmas sweater in his hands.

“Oh my God…” he murmurs, looking at it.

“Put it on,” Levi encourages, and Erwin does.

But as he takes off his current pullover, and the white, very unsexy undershirt covering his very unsexy upper body remains the only piece of fabric on his skin, the dark voice is back, whispering ugly things to him, and he feels like turning away, because he doesn’t want his husband to be staring at his enormous barrel-belly. But Levi’s looking at him in this expectant way and Erwin knows he would ruin the mood if he tried hiding himself now, and so he doesn’t, just quickly slips into the new sweater, thanking all the gods that it actually fits him – and there’s also that memory from yesterday in his mind, Levi’s melodious voice telling him:

_‘You’re beautiful.’_

And now he can hear his husband again, laughing in this very warm and lovely way, like he did yesterday when he was tipsy and surrounded by his friends: carefree and joyous. “Look at you, my sweet papa bear!” he’s exclaiming – and seeing and hearing Levi laugh like that is heaven for Erwin, the dark voice already faded again, completely extinguished when Erwin does as he’s told by his husband and looks into the mirror.

The sweater is black – except for the big beige bear in the middle. And it’s not your cute teddy bear. It’s a daft looking, big, dumb animal, its enormous face and snout stretched out across Erwin’s big belly, wearing a red bobble beanie and a matching scarf. And the ‘best’ part about it are the huge ears of the bear, which are actually fluffy pieces, as if taken from a cuddly toy, sown onto the pullover, sticking out like little antennas to the left and right.

“Holy shit…” Erwin murmurs and his chuckling turns into laughter as well.

And then Levi says those words from yesterday again, coming closer, putting his hand onto his husband’s shoulder, looking at the blond’s reflection, his belly, the ridiculous bear: “You are beautiful.” This time it’s teasing – and that’s totally okay.

“I might be wanting to take my thanks back,” Erwin mutters, grinning.

“I told you to be careful with your words,” Levi responds, smirking and their gazes meet in the mirror.

“It’s not fair, though,” Erwin complains lightly.

“What?”

“I can’t be the only one wearing an ugly Christmas sweater!”

Levi’s smirk intensifies. “You won’t be, _sweet pea_.” Then, the raven-haired walks back to the dresser and fishes out another piece of garment – and Erwin’s feeling kind of hot watching his husband strip partly, catching a glimpse of his naked arms; and he has to admit that Levi dressed in a dark tank top is still one of his most favourite sights to behold. But the erotic display changes within seconds, and all Erwin can do after Levi is dressed again, grinning at him in this boisterous way, is laugh his ass off.

Because the sweater Levi’s wearing is even more ridiculous than his own.

It’s green – and while Erwin’s bear has only his ears sticking out, Levi has a whole deer head attached to it; it’s as if someone had cut off the head of a stuffed animal and glued in onto the sweater. And the deer itself looks ridiculous, drunk even, with a red nose “Is this Rudolph?” he chokes out, still laughing, and Levi nods, laughs too.

“Am I sexy or what?” the raven teases, stroking the big antlers sticking out like Erwin’s bear ears.

“Most definitely,” Erwin responds, giggling – and once again he feels so blessed when Levi approaches him, the huge deer head being squashed between their bodies, as the dark-haired man loops his arms around Erwin’s neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

“Thank you for such a wonderful birthday,” Levi mumbles, smiling tenderly, his arms still wrapped around Erwin.

“I didn’t do much,” Erwin whispers, and Levi’s shaking his head.

“You did a lot,” he responds, “and I love you for that, _buttercup_.” He kisses Erwin again. “How about we eat some late lunch or early dinner, huh?” he then suggests. “There’s a bit of the duck left. How about I warm it up for us? Aaaand… we also have one of the birthday bottles left. I’d love to share it with you…”

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Erwin teases, and the smirk on his husband’s face sends a shiver down his spine.

“Maybe…” the raven responds, and then adds something a little unexpected, “ _you’re extremely good at sucking cock when you’re drunk…_ ”

Erwin swallows dryly. “It that so…?”

“Yeah,” Levi rasps, untangling himself from his husband, and then radically switching the topic, with that seductive smirk still gracing his lips, though, “I heat up the food, you prepare the table, okay?”

“…yeah…” the blond breathes, watching his husband exit the bedroom, Erwin’s thoughts still lingering on that part about sucking cock. But as he looks into the mirror one more time and his eyes settle on his big belly with that dumb-looking bear stretches hideously across it, the dark voice is back.

Louder than before.

And Erwin cannot ignore the words hissed at him anymore.

_‘What if Levi only said those things about finding him beautiful because he was intoxicated and wanted to get laid…?’_

Erwin had been rather freaking out, and Levi wanted to calm him down. And alcohol makes you horny – and when you’re horny, you don’t care about anything but getting off. Which means that Erwin’s fat body doesn’t necessarily turn Levi on. It could have been a lie, after all. To make Erwin feel better, make him stop fussing – and for them to finally have sex again.

Because it’s really been a while.

And maybe not only because Erwin had been too tired – but maybe also because Levi wasn’t and isn’t really turned on by him. Maybe that’s why he wants them both to get tipsy, drunk even today; to kind of blend out his husband’s obnoxious body and just… just get it over with?

Erwin’s been big for the past few years, but put on even more weight during the past weeks, with Levi baking cookies all the time, and cakes, and trying out different sorts of chocolate candies and what not, and all of his teachers turning up with sweet gifts for the other members of staff, and their Christmas party and, and, and…

“Are you coming, _pumpkin_?” Levi’s calling from downstairs, and Erwin swallows a big lump in his throat, a part of him scolding himself for thinking all of that. Because Levi’s blunt and honest. Levi doesn’t lie to him – and if he found that Erwin was a fat, ugly and disgusting swine, he would tell him to lose some weight and stop giving him all the good food, right?

_…unless he didn’t want to hurt him?_

Erwin’s knees are weak when he descends the stairs and starts to set the table, his mind in a state of turmoil.

Levi wasn’t drunk yesterday, only a bit tipsy, and when they talked he was coherent, didn’t slur, didn’t contradict himself. Right? So what he said must have been the truth.

But maybe he was so focussed on not hurting Erwin that his brilliant mind just made it all up and it masterfully fooled Erwin?

No. Levi doesn’t lie. Not to Erwin.

Right?

_But how on earth can Levi be truly attracted to fat man like Erwin?!_

“I really don’t like the way your face looks right now…” Levi’s comment startles Erwin. He didn’t hear his husband come into the room.

“Um, sorry. I’m, uh, just hungry,” Erwin lies – and when he lies to his husband this frequently, what makes him believe Levi doesn’t do the same?

“Don’t worry, it’s all in the oven, it will only take a few minutes,” Levi informs him, pouring them each a glass of the fabulous red wine, the antlers of his ugly Christmas sweater getting a bit in the way. “Come on, let’s take some pictures,” Levi suggests, grinning and grabbing his phone, to then climb onto Erwin’s lap, who’s sat down in the armchair – and Erwin tells himself to fucking forget about his body, because he’s almost ruined Levi’s birthday and now he doesn’t want to be ruining the rest of Christmas.

And so he smiles when Levi takes some selfies of them – and seeing those ridiculous sweaters next to each other, really does amuse him a bit. And he is almost totally relaxed again, until the images of the old photographs they all were looking at yesterday flash across his mind; pictures of him being slender and slim, muscled and trained, simply handsome – and then he’s looking at the selfies taken just now, Levi trying to pick out a favourite to send to their friends and families, and Erwin realises once more what a fatass he has become; and it hurts.

It makes him angry.

Frustrated.

Scared.

Because Levi cannot possibly be into this! Into him! Not when he’s looking like _that_.

Levi doesn’t have some weird fat-fetish. And that dark voice that had been whispering to him is now screaming at Erwin, ruining his mood, ruining dinner, because he cannot enjoy the amazing food properly, and he really wants to, and on the other hand he doesn’t, because he’s eaten enough of it already and—

Levi’s sighing, putting his cutlery to the side, and Erwin’s gaze instinctively settles on his husband who is looking him straight in the eyes. “Spill it, Erwin,” he requests, “what is it?” Erwin hesitates, wiping his mouth with the napkin. And then Levi’s already speaking again. “Is this about what you told me yesterday?” and Erwin’s scolding himself because he should have known that Levi can read him like an open book.

“…yeah…” he says, admitting defeat, looking down onto his plate filled with the unfinished duck. Because there is no point in denying it.

“Honey…” Levi murmurs, and Erwin startles again, as Levi’s hand moves across the table, reaches for his, nimble fingers stroking the back of it tenderly, while Levi smiles at him softly, “you’re beautiful, how many times do I have to tell you?” he says it again. And Erwin wants to believe him, he really does. But he cannot. Right now he cannot and he doesn’t even properly understand why, because Levi sounds so sincere and his smile is so beautiful and why… why would he lie?

“I don’t believe you,” it pours out of Erwin’s mouth before he can stop himself.

And Levi seems slightly taken aback by this remark. “You don’t believe me?” he echoes, somewhat incredulously. “Didn’t I show you how much I fancy you yesterday?” comes the still very soft question, and Erwin pressing his lips together, trying so hard to tame his inner demon. But the voice of the dark creature is so loud, putting him on edge, and he’s too weak to fight.

“I… I just…” Erwin tries, but he cannot seem to find the right words. “Levi, how can you truly be attracted to me? I’m horrifically overweight and I look like shit…”

“So you _really_ don’t believe me then?” Levi deadpans, and it’s making Erwin feel nervous.

“I… I’m… I think you… you just said that because you were tipsy and you wanted to make me feel good so that we can have sex…” it finally pours out of his mouth.

“Erwin,” Levi says his name in a serious manner, only continuing when the blond reciprocates his gaze, “I meant every single word I said to you yesterday, and being tipsy has nothing to do with it either way,” the raven states, sighing afterwards. But his facial expression does not harden. In fact, it softens, and his fingers keep stroking the back of Erwin’s hand. “And I seriously had no idea you think this way about yourself all the time, sugar, and I’m worried,” he adds – and Erwin has no idea how to feel, relief mixing with shame and anger and frustration as well as happiness. It’s a strange emotional concoction, one that renders Erwin useless. And speechless. And thus, a few moments of silence pass before it’s Levi again who speaks. “You always seem totally content with the way you look – which is gorgeous, by the way – so all of this is a surprise for me. And not a good one. Seriously, Erwin. Where is this coming from? This can’t be only about the things said at the table yesterday, can it?”

Erwin sighs, withdrawing his hand from the caresses, because he does not find himself to be worthy of them. “Sugar…” Levi’s pleading voice squeezes his heart. And then his husband’s suddenly standing up. “Come on, let’s go sit down on the couch. I think we need to have a chat, a long one, and I don’t think we should have this one over unfinished food.”

Reluctantly, Erwin stands up – but he knows there is no way around it, and he hates himself for actually opening his mouth. He could have kept quiet until the new year, when his life’s about to change, when he’s gonna start exercising again, and eating healthy, salads and shit like that, no more baguette and potatoes and pasta for dinner; even though the Bolognese sauce Levi’s made just a few weeks ago was probably the best one he’s ever eaten, and the meatballs had been fantastic and—

“Erwin,” Levi says, when they’re seated on the sofa, facing one another, and Erwin’s slightly fidgeting around. “You need to talk to me: since when have you been feeling this nasty about yourself, and just _why_ on earth?”

Erwin’s sighing. “I… I don’t feel bad all the time,” he finally says, “it’s just… Look: we both know I gained a hell lot of weight over the past years, but this year? I mean, Levi, fucking look at me: I’m a huge ball of fat. I have never been this big before, and I thought that no matter how much weight I gain, I would never reach this state. But here I fucking am,” he states bitterly, hitting both of his enormous thighs. “I had to buy so many new clothes this year, even my freaking winter jacket didn’t fit me anymore. And it was huge. You know it. And sometimes… It just sometimes hits me, you know? I have these _moments_ of… of self-loathing, and I… I swear to god, once the new year starts, I will finally do something about it. There’s a new gym opening up near the school and my colleagues are signing up and I will do the same, so that we can go train after work together, and I could also use the swimming pool one village down, I will eat healthier, no more wine, no more chocolate, no more cheese, and I’m gonna lose all the weight, I know I can, I mean: I used to look so good and I can do it again, Mike’s my age and he is still ripped, so I can do that too, with a strict diet and lots of exercise I could start looking like I did when we met in no time and—“

“Oh, hell fucking no!” comes the instant and almost repulsed interjection from Levi, that cuts Erwin off, who isn’t only surprised, but also a tiny bit scared – because the scowl on his husband’s face is… huge. And intense. And Erwin has no idea just what the hell is going on and what would make Levi say that.

“E-excuse me…?”

Levi’s hands are folded across his chest and he is shaking his head, grimacing in a grim way. And then, after a while of that tense silence between them, Levi’s head stops moving, and the dark expression makes way for something… something fragile. It’s then that Levi looks back into Erwin’s eyes. And this time it’s the raven who almost seems scared.

“I can’t do this again,” he says, almost breathless, and Erwin’s heart is beating fast in his chest. And not in a good way.

“Wh-what?”

“I can’t do this again, Erwin,” Levi repeats, closing his eyes and letting his limp body hit the backrest of the sofa. Both of his hands reach up to his face and he’s rubbing his eyes, as if sleepy or stressed, or both.

“What… what do you mean?” Erwin enquires, not liking where this conversation is going at all. Because he doesn’t understand it, only feels that their destination isn’t a good one.

Levi sighs, letting his hands drop into his lap, facing Erwin again. “We went through this before, when you turned 30. Remember?” he says, and Erwin still has no idea what Levi means.

“What?”

Levi scoffs, rolling his eyes. “ _Sugar_ , when you turned 30, you started gaining weight.”

“Oh,” it escapes Erwin’s mouth, Levi’s right. That’s when it started, when his metabolism suddenly decided to fuck him in the ass – and not in a pleasurable way. When suddenly his usual regime did not do the trick anymore, and he couldn’t just eat pizza whenever he wanted and just train it away like it was nothing. It’s like someone had switched his body. And Erwin had had a hard time adjusting. “But I managed to lose the fat and keep my weight then and—“

“At what price?!” Levi nearly yells at him, and Erwin flinches, confused again – and when he’s looking into his husband’s eyes, he cannot only see anger, but also pain. Levi sighs repeatedly. “Erwin, I have no idea how tell you this, and right now, listening to you talk like this about yourself, degrade yourself like that, calling yourself ugly and fat and obese and shit, and setting unrealistic goals, because, come on: Mike is in shape, but he is in no way _ripped_ anymore, dude’s got children and no time for gym and you can see that, and that’s totally fine, and you’re turning 46 next year, you won’t ever look like twenty again and that’s also totally fine, because you don’t need to, and, like I told you – you’re beautiful the way you are,” he spits out, taking in a deep breath before he continues. “So… I… I’m scared about, well, history repeating itself. I’m scared you’re gonna do exactly the same as you did back then. So I’m gonna be brutally honest with you and tell you something I was actually never gonna tell you. But now I feel that I have to,” Levi makes another pause and Erwin still cannot sort out his feelings, asking himself what Levi means, what he _did_ back then. And he has no idea what to expect and what this revelation will do to him.

But he finds out.

And it nearly crushes him.

“I was thinking about breaking up with you,” Levi just blurts it out. But his tone is serious, his voice almost broken.

Erwin blinks, and his chest is constricting. And right now, he has no fucking clue about what is going on anymore.

“What…?” he gasps, his face all scrunched up. “Wh-why…?” The cogs of his brain are turning, and coming only to one result: “Because I started gaining weight?”

“No, you _idiot_!” Levi snaps at him, rolling his eyes, scoffing. “No,” he repeats, softer this time. “Not because you started gaining weight, Erwin. But because of how you got rid of some of it again, how you tried keeping in shape.”

“…what?” Erwin’s voice is trembling, and he is still so confused, and his throat is so tight because…

 _Because Levi wanted to break up with him_.

And he has no idea why, and he doesn’t know what even hurts more right now.

Levi’s sighing. “Look,” he says, taking another deep breath. “You were obsessed, Erwin,” he states. “Frustrated and _obsessed_. And our relationship suffered because of that. I suffered because of that. For almost two years.”

“…what?” Erwin’s voice is nearly inaudible, because… what is Levi even talking about?

“I totally understood that this change in your body hit you hard, and that it was a shock for you, how easily it actually was and is to gain weight, taking into account you could stuff your face with anything you wanted without real consequences,” Levi says, and memories flood Erwin’s brain. Memories of him in his twenties being able to eat anything and everything in a big amount without really having any big effect on his body, keeping the muscles being not an effort but mostly just pure fun. And how that suddenly changed. Almost abruptly. “You were unhappy and I tried helping you, talking to you, calming you down, comforting you, but all you did was basically bitch at me,” Levi explains calmly, and a cold shiver travels down Erwin’s spine. “Why do you think I started taking on all those extra shifts, especially during the weekends?” Levi asks. But he doesn’t expect Erwin to answer, delivering the explanation himself. “Because after a few months of you taking all your frustrations about becoming a size bigger out on me, I couldn’t stand being around you anymore.”

Levi’s words feel like daggers, piercing Erwin’s chest. Like icy, fucking daggers. And Erwin cannot say anything. But he doesn’t have to. At least not yet, because Levi isn’t finished.

“Also, there was no point in me keeping weekends free anymore. I mean,” he scoffs, “we couldn’t go out like normal couples did anyways because of all your diet obsessions. You wouldn’t even drink a small fucking glass of red wine with me, telling me how many calories it had, always ordering freaking salads without any dressing and ditching the bread, pasta was poison, and pizza was a month worth of energy intake or some other shit, depending on the bullcrap theory you were following at the time – and do you know how grumpy you are when you’re skipping carbs? Fuck, the word for the amount of grumpiness oozing from you when you’re going low carb or no carb hasn’t even been invented yet! You keto phase was a fucking nightmare.”

Levi takes a sip of the water he took with them from the dining table, eyes roaming through the room before they settle back on Erwin.

“Erwin, we couldn’t go to the cinema like normal people, because you hated the smell of popcorn and nachos because you were denying yourself snacks like these. We couldn’t go out dancing anymore, at least not in a fun way. For one, you never got drunk with me, and that used to be so much fun, and for two – and that was the bigger problem – because you were always in a foul mood; because you forced yourself to watch when Mike and the others went to grab burgers before the beers, being pissed off all the time that you ‘couldn’t have those’, not even on a freaking cheat day or whatever that bullshit is called nowadays.”

…and Erwin starts feeling a coldness settling in the pit of his stomach. Because as Levi continues to describe what he means, repressed memories start coming back to the blond.

“And I couldn’t cook for you anymore,” Levi laments. “I mean, I tried, I really tried and read all those fucking books you brought home, for every fucking diet you tried. That keto-shit, paleo, Atkin’s crap, Montignac, the ‘I only eat rice all day’-sort of bullshit – I really tried to cook according to whatever you thought you needed at the time. But you couldn’t even enjoy _that_. Fuck, I feared that someday you’d just stop eating altogether and go fucking anorectic on me! Do you know how that made me feel? Cooking for you… became a pain in the ass. You made me start hating what I had always loved doing the most.”

“…I’m… I’m sorry…” Erwin chokes out, his throat so tight it actually hurts, and the burning behind his eyelids becomes unbearable, and he feels stupid and embarrassed and ashamed as the first tears start sliding down his cheeks.

…but he feels so bad about having hurt Levi like this without even realizing.

“Hey, _sugar_ …” Levi coos, scooting closer and cupping Erwin’s cheek. “Sorry, I… I don’t want to make you cry, honey…”

“I’m… sorry,” is all Erwin can say, and Levi’s smiling at him ever so softly, wiping away the tears with his thumb.

“Shhhhh, _sugar cookie_ ,” Levi croons, “it’s all right, I… I just need you to understand what happened back then and how it made me feel so you can comprehend my fears better, _pumpkin_. You were so obsessed with losing weight, you… you kind of took away all the joy of life, the joy of our relationship, and it almost broke you, broke me – _us_.”

Erwin sniffles and Levi stands up to fetch the napkins from the dining table, handing them over to Erwin, who uses them to wipe away his little tears. Because it’s all back now, the feelings from those times, feeling helpless and angry, bitter. And he doesn’t like those memories.

Because Levi is right.

When he’s thinking back to those times, all he did was go to work, then visit the gym for several hours, and then come back to sleep. He tried to avoid social situations, knowing about all those sinful temptations in forms of alcohol and party snacks. Staying at home, reading about weight loss and effective forms of not thinking about food and new ways of working out were the option he had considered to be better. And if he was feeling extremely hungry, he just went to bed – which could even be nine o’clock in the evening on a Saturday.

“Why… why didn’t you say anything?” he hears himself asking his husband.

“I tried, Erwin,” Levi says calmly, “but you screamed at me that I wouldn’t understand because I didn’t have those problems and shit like that and then I guess… I just stopped trying at some point. Until it was almost too late, like… I was already looking for apartments, trying to force myself to break up with you, hoping it would maybe wake you up and revive the old you, because I always believed that somewhere underneath that fitness and allegedly healthy food enthusiasts the real you was still present. And I was right.”

Erwin wipes away the fresh tears, Levi’s revelations hurting him like… he cannot even come up with an adequate comparison. And the fact that Levi had been looking at apartments with the goal of a separation… _hurts_.

“Things changed when you were given the opportunity to become school director and you started all those educational trainings, and your gym time was cut short and you didn’t have the time to meal prep everyday – and your career just became… more important to you,” Levi retells in a tender voice, “at least it seemed this way to me. Like… the further you got with that, the more your mind was taken off of all that diet stuff and… and you finally started eating like a normal person again.”

More memories flood Erwin’s mind, and they all correspond to what Levi is saying.

“We were able to go out again, and you told me all the details of what you’d learned and accomplished over spaghetti and wine – and I know this sounds crazy. But do you know how happy that made me feel? I felt as if… as if we’d just started dating. And you… you became so relaxed, so content again. You weren’t grumpy anymore. But… happy. Because you weren’t denying yourself all the good stuff anymore. Cooking for you… became a pleasure again. I was finally able to spoil you again – and you know that there is nothing more that I like doing.”

Levi’s smiling, and Erwin’s trying to do the same thing.

“I was so happy when that change came about, so I guess that’s why I kinda embraced every kilogram you gained, you know…” the raven-haired continues to talk, his hand resting on Erwin’s thigh, fingers drawing soothing circles. “And now do think back Erwin and tell me: where you really happy being slim when being on all those diets with all those restrictions? Think about it. For real, Erwin.”

Erwin sniffles, sorting out his memories and the feelings attached to them, comparing it with his life after, with his life now – and after a long while in which both men sit in silence, he comes to a terrifying and at the same time cathartic conclusion.

“No,” he says, “I wasn’t.”

Levi’s smiling softly. “Then please don’t go back there, _sugar_ ,” he says tenderly, “I’m not saying you should gain _more_ weight or stay the way you are now, because, of course, if you don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, you need to do something about it, and I will help you. I just don’t want you to _obsess_ like you did all those years ago…” he emphasizes, searching for Erwin’s gaze, who’s nodding. Because Levi’s right. He can’t do that. “Okay,” Levi says, smiling, “I can cut down on the sweet treats, we can reduce your portions a bit – but nothing more, nothing radical. No freaking diet. No gym. We can take walks more often and I can go swimming with you, all right?” Erwin’s nodding again. “And please Erwin: set a realistic goal. Five kilograms and you’re back to your size from last year. And honey, that is enough. Don’t you think?”

“I… I don’t know…”

Levi’s moving even closer, sliding his arm around Erwin’s waist, pulling him against his body, cupping his cheek again.

“I really meant every single word I said yesterday,” he continues, “I really think you’re beautiful the way you are, Erwin. I like you, I like your body, I like you being chubby. All your alleged imperfections are perfections to me.”

“…but… but how can that be?” Erwin’s breathing out, leaning his head against Levi’s, inhaling this calming, wonderful scent he’s known almost all his life.

“Because you believe my taste align with societal stereotypes – but they don’t,” Levi explains matter-of-factly, “and actually when it comes to you viewing other people it’s the same. I mean, look at me, Erwin,” Levi says, sitting up to look his spouse in the face, “I’m a really fucking short man and I’m freaking skinny – I’ve lost all of the muscles I had when we met over time, and my toes are hideous; you’ve named them ‘little aliens’ yourself,” he reminds Erwin, chuckling – and Erwin cannot help but snicker at the fond memory, when they were laying in bed naked after being intimate for the very first time, making jokes and just laughing a lot together while cuddling. “And yet,” Levi continues, looking Erwin into the eyes, “and yet you still find me beautiful. Don’t you?”

“You are the most beautiful man on earth,” Erwin responds in a low voice – meaning it. And it’s making Levi smile fonder.

“Then why can’t you understand that I feel the same way about you?” Levi counters softly. “You are the most beautiful man on earth in _my_ eyes, and I am not saying this because I want to make you feel better or because I want to lull you in to have sex with you. I really like your body, Erwin, even if it might be hard for you to believe, because we are only supposed to find men with hard abs and muscled arms attractive.”

“I was that guy when you met me…”

“So was I, as I said. But things change, people change, tastes change, like I told you yesterday.”

Erwin smiles lightly and Levi gives him a kiss onto his cheek.

“You are beautiful, Erwin,” he repeats, “and I love you.”

“I love you, too…” Erwin murmurs, lifting his hand to touch Levi’s face, and when Levi leans into the touch, smiling in this mesmerising way at him, some more tears gather in Erwin’s eyes.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t realize what I was doing to you with all my dieting,” he says and Levi sighs, turning his head so that he can kiss Erwin’s hand holding onto his face.

“It’s okay, baby,” he whispers, “it’s all in the past, and I didn’t tell you about it to make you feel sorry or guilty or make you apologize to me. I just want to make sure you won’t make yourself feel unhappy again because of such a stupid reason as the number on the scale, or the size of your clothes. I will love you forever, no matter what you will look like.”

“I feel the same way about you,” Erwin mumbles, and then Levi’s leaning forward, placing a chaste kiss onto his husband’s lips.

“Are you feeling better?” he asks him afterwards and Erwin nods, definitely not lying this time.

“Good, _sugar_ ,” Levi responds, smiling in a contented way. “But there’s one thing left that I need to tell you.”

Erwin swallows, nervousness creeping just around the corner. “What is it?” he asks, sounding as unsure as he feels like.

But then Levi’s grinning. “Even though I didn’t tell you all that stuff yesterday because I wanted to have sex, I am still glad we did it – because I really missed sleeping with you.”

…and that just paints a smile onto Erwin’s lips and the nervousness subsides completely. “I… I missed that too…”

“I am so happy we got married,” Levi suddenly breathes out, surprising Erwin a little, “I never thought I’d want it, but when things got better between us, I was so glad I hadn’t broken up with you, and it made me realize how much I wanted us to be together and… a family. And I haven’t regretted my decision.”

“I’m so glad you asked me to marry you, darling,” Erwin whispers, kissing Levi’s temple. “I love you. So, so much, thank you, Levi. For everything. I really, really do feel better now.”

“…I’m glad,” Levi says, smiling. “Want to… finish the food now? I can reheat it quickly.”

“Yes. Please. I’m hungry – and I need carbs.”

Levi’s laughing. “Yes, you do, _cookie_ ,” he agrees, heading over with their plates to the kitchen.

Afterwards, Levi shoos him into his study, and Erwin listens to piano music, contemplating their serious discussion, and then, after a while, getting totally lost in a new book, feeling absolutely relaxed, drinking his favourite tea, snacking on the cookies Levi’s brought him – without feeling guilty. Because he also promised Levi to start his light change of nutrition in January, and until then not to think about losing weight but enjoying the treats of the festive season; and it feels so good.

Erwin feels loved.

Truly loved.

And it’s wonderful.

He’s thinking of how he can show his gratitude and love to Levi, tries to come up with a grand gesture, after he finishes the fifth chapter, but his plotting is interrupted by the man occupying his thoughts: his super sexy and charming and funny and intelligent and bossy husband Levi Ackerman.

…wearing a short, pitch black robe made of satin, ending just under his ass cheeks; wearing nothing underneath it.

“Hey, _sugar pie_ ,” he teases seductively, “I have one more surprise for you. Wanna see what it is? And I’m not talking about my dick – but you can of course have the cream cannon on top, if you want,” he adds winking – and then cracks up at his own comment. “Oh god, that was so bad...”

Erwin’s chuckling. “Cream cannon…” he’s repeating the words, getting up already; because despite the dirty talk gone bonkers Levi’s simply looking enticing in his skimpy attire and Erwin’s definitely curious about his surprise.

… _and_ the ‘cream cannon’…

Levi’s leading Erwin up the stairs, and Erwin can’t stop staring at his husband’s delectable behind, his chest still filled with all that warmth caused by the serious talk the two men have had, the reassuring remarks Levi’s made – and the blond man still feels so absolutely loved and cherished, he could actually start crying again; but this time it would be out of pure happiness.

He still feels like this when they arrive at their destination: the bathroom.

Levi’s filled their big corner bathtub and there’s practically foam everywhere. There’s also candles everywhere, a light vanilla scent filling the room, calming music coming from the little loudspeaker placed on the windowsill, and on the little storage place right in the corner of the tub, next to the shampoo bottles and soaps, there’s a bottle of red wine standing and two glasses filled with the red liquid.

“We haven’t taken a bath together in ages,” Levi explains turning around to look at Erwin, smiling, “so… may I take off your clothes… Sir?”

Erwin’s throat goes tight, because his insides are swamped with pure happiness, and because Levi’s tone – and the way he’s addressing his blond husband – is absolutely sultry and making a light wave goosebumps pass over Erwin’s skin.

“Y-yeah…” he manages to mumble and Levi immediately moves to work, freeing Erwin of the lovely, ugly Christmas bear-sweater – and when Erwin’s standing in front of him dressed only in his undershirt… he… he doesn’t feel bad.

For the first time in what seems like ages, Erwin doesn’t feel bad about his belly.

Especially since for the first time he is really paying attention to the way Levi’s looking at him, at his body – with so much adoration and pleasure, it’s intoxicating in itself.

Levi’s lips are forming something between a smile and a smirk when the raven-haired grasps the hem of Erwin’s shirt and pulls it over his head, laying his upper body completely bare – and when he lets his eyes wander languidly over Erwin’s torso, Erwin’s belly, he’s licking his own lips, raising his gaze afterwards, looking straight into Erwin’s orbs, and the enticing expression on the raven’s face intensifies.

“You’re so freaking sexy,” he practically purrs, and Erwin’s almost holding his breath as he watches Levi undo the belt of his silky robe covering his form, the fabric falling to either side, like a curtain revealing a big theatre stage just moments before the start of a show. Only there is no stage, there’s something way better: Levi’s naked body, his bare, porcelain skin. And looking at it makes Erwin feel hot immediately, as if he was already engulfed by the steaming water – and when his gaze travels further south and arrives at Levi’s nether region, a jolt of arousal travels through Erwin’s gut, because his husband is as hard as a rock. “I hope you believe me now that I’m turned on by the sight of you,” he murmurs, before closing the distance between them, his hand moving up to Erwin’s neck, pulling him down into a kiss, pressing his naked body against Erwin’s still half-dressed form – pushing his erection against Erwin’s big thigh, and Erwin can’t suppress a pleased grin; and he feels happy.

Happy and slightly aroused.

“I thought this wasn’t about your… _cream cannon_?” Erwin teases, his words mumbled against Levi’s lips.

“It isn’t,” Levi responds huskily, both of his hands travelling down Erwin’s chest, his fingers flicking over his nipples, making the big man flinch slightly, and then brushing slowly over his big stomach, playfully dipping one of his fingers into his naval, “but it can be, if you want, _cupcake_ ,” he adds, looking back up into Erwin’s face, grinning seductively, making Erwin swallow. “All I truly care about right now is getting you naked and into the tub so I can touch you everywhere – to get you clean, of course,” he says playfully, winking at his husband, who can’t hold back an amused snort, and also his excitement as his husband’s skilful hands get to work on the belt of his trousers, undoing the buckle and then the fly.

And once more, as his slacks hit the ground and Levi tugs his boxer briefs down, freeing his own twitching cock, semi-hard already, Erwin doesn’t feel bad, doesn’t feel the need to turn away, to hide from Levi – and a surprised moan escapes his throat as Levi suddenly grabs his length, giving it a hard stroke, smirking when their eyes meet and he’s massaging Erwin’s growing dick.

“You’re fucking beautiful,” Levi says the words he’s told Erwin so often already – but if he has to be honest, Erwin can’t get enough of them, of their healing quality; and he truly believes Levi now.

This isn’t about wanting to have sex – or, well, it is. But not mainly.

This is so much more. Erwin feels it, understands it now, and he is so fucking grateful.

“Come on, papa bear,” Levi teases him in a sweet tone, letting go of his cock, and grasping his arm instead, pulling him gently towards the tub, “get in.”

The water is hot, but not too hot; the temperature is perfect, Erwin would say, and he’s groaning when he’s sat down and the pleasant-smelling water and foam are all around him, and his eyes are focussed on his naked husband – with his raging boner like that of a twenty-year-old, when Levi’s also climbing into the water, kneeling between Erwin’s spread legs.

He reaches for the wineglasses, hands one over to Erwin, smiling, one of his hands coming to rest on the inside of Erwin’s thigh, pretty close to his sex, his fingers drawing undefined forms onto Erwin’s skin under water. “I love you, _sugar cookie_ ,” says the raven, not teasing at all, but gentle and serious, “I really, really do, and I don’t want you to be thinking all of this bullshit about being too big. You’re perfect, Erwin. You really are. And I truly hope that you believe me now. If not, tell me what to do to make you _start_ believing – because I am really not lying to you. Despite the wine I am going to drink now. Okay?” he’s grinning and Erwin is reciprocating this.

“Okay,” is all Erwin is able to answer.

“This is to us,” Levi says, bringing their glasses together, looking Erwin into his eyes, “I really had another wonderful year with you, _sugar_. And I cannot wait for the next one to begin.”

“I… I feel the same way, honey,” Erwin replies, smiling softly at the one and only man in his life, the love of all times, the man he would do anything for, “and I am so, so sorry I made your life miserable with my dieting back then and—“

“Erwin,” Levi cuts him off immediately, but softly, “it’s in the past, you don’t need to apologize, I told you. Okay, _muffin_?”

Erwin’s nodding, pressing his lips together. But the thought of almost having lost Levi is overwhelming, makes the words just pour out of his mouth. “I’m… I… I don’t wanna lose you, Levi.”

“Erwin…” Levi’s purring, putting his glass aside and his arms around Erwin, making their wet bodies collide in the process, “you won’t. You won’t, honey. Never. You’re stuck with me forever, dickhead.”

Levi’s kissing Erwin’s cheek and the big man is winding his arm around his husband tightly, pressing Levi against his form with all his might. “I love you… so much…” he mumbles and Levi chuckles lightly.

“I know…” he remarks, a bit cheeky, “I can feel the proof pressing against my belly…”

…and that makes Erwin chuckle as well.

“Well, my cream cannon is loaded, too, I guess…” he jokes and Levi props himself up, his hands resting on his man’s shoulders. He’s grinning.

“I think I might be able to do something about that,” he rasps – and then lounges in for a kiss. A deep one, and Erwin almost drops his wineglass into the water.

Levi’s tongue brings the taste of the heavy red wine with it, a deep aroma of dark fruits, as it snakes itself around Erwin’s wet muscle, as it explores the territory of his husband’s cavity, teasing, enticing, dancing. And the way Levi moves his body languidly at the same time, rubbing himself against Erwin, is like a dance itself. A subtle and sultry one, slow and gentle, almost innocent due to how natural it is – if it wasn’t so lewd; because Levi’s still pretty hard and he makes sure to rub his dick against Erwin’s wet skin.

And then, out of nowhere, Levi stops and removes himself completely from Erwin’s body, smirking when the blond opens his eyes a tiny bit confused. “I told you: this isn’t about my or your dick, but about getting clean,” Levi’s teasing, taking a sip of the wine, and then truly reaching for the soap – but Erwin’s groin is throbbing, now that he’s been freed of all those demons whispering ugly and degrading things into his ear, freed of all the shame he had been harbouring for the past few weeks, redeemed from the need to hide out of embarrassment. And all that remains, is pure lust.

Levi’s a bit surprised, when Erwin reaches out to touch him, the big fingers wrapping themselves around his husband’s smaller wrists, making him even drop the freaking piece of lavender soap, his eyes widening slightly when Erwin leans forward while pulling Levi into his direction at the same instant, making them, their lips, meet midway, his other arm snaking around the dark-haired man’s slim waist, making sure he won’t escape this; but that’s the last thing Levi wants, and it’s obvious.

His fingers slide into Erwin’s blond hair as he kisses back passionately, hungrily, pushing his body eagerly against Erwin’s. “Fuck, yes…!” he moans when their mouths part shortly to take in fresh air, in order to continue kissing. And it’s messy and sloppy, just like Levi’s movements, almost knocking over the wineglass as he struggles to straddle Erwin, the man’s hands moving down to cup his ass cheeks as he finally manages, his cock pressed against his husband’s round belly, Erwin’s hard sex pushing against Levi’s balls.

“Fuck, yeah…” Levi moans again, cupping Erwin’s face, kissing him once more, “I’ve missed this,” he huffs, shoving his tongue back into Erwin’s mouth, who cannot even describe the way he’s feeling right now.

Aroused. Ecstatic. Thankful. Overjoyed.

All of this and more.

A deep groan leaves his mouth as Levi moves his hips, pushing his body down against Erwin’s dick, making another jolt of arousal shoot through the blond man’s body. “Haaa…!”

Levi’s pupils are widened, desire painted all over his face when they break apart, and the raven circles his hips seductively, rubbing his hard girth against Erwin’s belly once again, making both men grunt; then, Levi’s thin lips curl into a captivating and exciting smirk, and he slides off of Erwin’s thighs, almost knocking over their wineglasses again as he moves his legs so that he’s kneeling between Erwin’s spread thighs like he did in the beginning.

He takes a sip of wine, prompts Erwin to do the same in a husky voice, which the blond does. And as soon as the glasses are out of their fingers, Levi’s all over his husband again.

He doesn’t kiss Erwin, though. Instead, his lips move directly to his ear, sucking in his lobe, making Erwin tremble and another wave of arousal wash over him. Then, Levi’s mouth moves over his throat, kissing and licking at the sensitive skin, while one of his hands moves straight between Erwin’s legs, grabbing his dick, beginning to pump him slowly, as his lips reach the place where his husband’s neck and shoulders become one, feathering his skin with kisses, peppering it with bites, while he continues to stroke his hard cock, jerking him off languidly, making Erwin’s thighs, his whole body twitch, and his eyes close, his throat release a row of low moans – because everything Levi does to him just feels so, so good…

Levi’s teeth graze his nipples while he’s cupping his balls – and then, suddenly, two things happen. Levi’s mouth travels back up, teeth now sinking into Erwin’s throat, while his hand suddenly moves further south, fingers slipping between Erwin’s ass cheeks, brushing along the crack, gliding over his hole, making Erwin tense up and at the same time release a held-back, bone-chilling groan, because his mind is on overload, because could it be…?

His husband’s mouth is suddenly right next to his ear, and Levi’s breathing heavily. And what he says next, pushing his finger slightly into Erwin’s entrance without completely breaching the tight ring of muscles, makes the blond man’s groin throb, because he was right.

“I want to fuck you, Erwin,” Levi literally moans, voice low, salacious, alluring.

And that’s when Erwin’s mind does it again: it simply short-circuits. And it’s blissful. “Oh God…” the blond man moans, head falling back, eyes closing, pressing his ass against his husband’s hand, Levi’s finger being pushed further inside, actually breaching the sphincter a little now, causing a slight burn, making Erwin hiss lightly – and at the same time another dose of arousal surges through his veins.

“May I, Sir?” Levi asks, his voice not more than a low murmur, making the hairs on the back of Erwin’s neck stand erect – just like his cock. “May I fuck you, Sir…?”

“Oh God, please…” Erwin gives in verbally – because emotionally and physically he already has.

Levi snickers lowly, biting into Erwin’s lobe next, just when he pushes his finger further inside of Erwin’s ass, making Erwin moan and flinch, pain mixing with pleasure – because Levi uses his other hand to grab his dick again, stroking it, thumb teasing the slit of the exposed cock head, while his index fingers sinks further into Erwin’s hole, up to the hilt.

“Thank you, Sir…” Levi mumbles against the drenched skin of Erwin’s throat.

But instead of working Erwin open, he pulls his finger out, grinning smugly when Erwin opens his eyes and looks at him a little bit irritated, watching Levi reach for the two wineglasses, holding one out for his husband to take. “Before I fuck you, we need to finish the wine,” he says, and Erwin’s grunting, but obeying, taking the offered beverage, “and I need to wash you, cause that’s what we came here for…”

“As if…” Erwin scoffs, lips slightly pulling into a grin – because deep down he loves it when Levi’s being a tease, even though he can barely contain his lust and would like to get to the main dish straight away.

“Don’t worry, baby,” Levi continues to taunt in this sexy way, “you’ll have my cream cannon in no time, and it’s gonna go off buried deep inside of your ass… _Sir_ …”

Shivers run down Erwin’s damp skin at this. Because Levi talking dirty like this just makes him go crazy, entices him, arouses Erwin – especially when they go into this sort of role play, and Levi’s calling him ‘Sir’; just like his students are, even though the raven’s the one who’s holding all the power. And the thought of his husband taking him… it’s making everything so much more intense. Because it’s been a while, the last time Erwin bottomed already three months in the past.

Levi keeps his word and touches the whole of Erwin’s body, massaging and kneading his strained muscles, caressing and lathering his skin with the lavender soap. They drink the wine, kissing in between, the exchanges of alcohol mixed with their saliva wild and animalistic even, and just as much as Levi’s hands roam all over Erwin’s naked form, Erwin’s fingers explore Levi’s body, playing with the man’s nipples, making Levi moan into his ear, fondling with his beautiful big cock, his balls, making him squirm and curse.

“Tell me how much you’ve missed my cock in your asshole, _sugar_ ,” Levi murmurs into Erwin’s ear suddenly, rubbing himself against his big husband once again, and Erwin’s cock throbs.

“Loads…” Erwin says, because his brain cannot come up with anything more eloquent than that.

Levi chuckles lowly. “Well, you’ll be getting _loads_ of _my load_ tonight…” the man then teases, making Erwin grin faintly; because he’s so freaking aroused and all he can think about is his husband’s cock inside of him. And he knows what Levi is waiting for right now – because they’ve finished their glasses of wine and they are both more than clean, and ready to go; if it wasn’t for this final detail.

“Please…” he whispers, his hands gliding up and down Levi’s back.

“Please _what_ , Sir?” Levi teases quietly.

Erwin swallows thickly. “Please… fuck me…”

Then, Erwin can hear Levi inhale sharply. Just a second later, his husband’s biting his throat harshly, making Erwin nearly scream – and his cock twitch like crazy.

“Let’s get out of here,” Levi mumbles, already standing up and climbing out of the tub, reaching for the towel, holding out his hand to help the blond out of the water as well.

And Erwin’s mind is spinning.

They’re kissing and Levi’s helping him dry his skin, ripping the towel out of the blond’s hands as soon as the deed is done, pushing him out of the room, through the small hallway, into the bedroom, where he nearly shoves Erwin onto the bed, climbing on top of him just like he did the night before, claiming Erwin’s mouth again, while pinching his nipples with both of his hands – and Erwin’s moaning into the kiss, electrical currents travelling all over his skin, hitting his groin, making his dick tingle.

Then Levi’s starting to move down Erwin’s body, his lips leaving a wet trail along his collarbone, chest, making his husband sigh and tremble when he kisses Erwin’s nipples, bites into them, licks them, only to continue his downward journey, hands gliding slowly over his big belly, lips following slowly, planting soft kisses onto the skin covered by hair – and Erwin… doesn’t feel bad.

Actually, it’s quite the opposite, because watching his husband practically worship his belly, take his time, making sure to kiss it almost everywhere, feels wonderful, and when Levi looks up to him, Erwin can see the big amount of lust in Levi’s glassy eyes, which totally affects him.

The raven-haired smirks, and before Erwin can react, his husband slides further down, his hands coming to rest on Erwin’s thighs, and he swallows his hard and leaking dick in one go, making Erwin throw his head back, shouting out his desire, the arousal shooting into every part of his body. “Fuck…!” he huffs out, and Levi chuckles, and the sound and movement of his mouth, the vibrations of his throat, transfer onto Erwin’s dick immediately, making him moan – because it’s so tight and hot and intense…!

Levi’s mouth and tongue work on his dick like magic, and then the raven-haired even begins to massage his big balls with one of his hands, turning Erwin into a mess pretty quickly, chest heaving, eyes heavy, dick twitching, abdomen boiling. Until Levi stops and gets up to his knees, making Erwin look at him and swallow – because Levi’s dick is as hard as metal, pre-cum welling at the tip, and that monster is twitching.

His husband might be a ‘fucking short man’, as he phrased it himself, but nature definitely didn’t play a trick on him when it came to forming his dick…

It’s long and thick and… _fucking perfect_.

“Turn around,” Levi commands, and every fibre of Erwin’s body reacts, following the raspy voice of his husband, grunting when he’s moving to lie on his stomach, his hard prick and belly pressing against the mattress, and he shudders as he feels Levi practically climbing on top of him, his hands placed on either side of his giant body, lips coming down to press a wet kiss onto his nape, and Levi begins yet another journey down his body, covering Erwin’s skin with kisses, little bites and licks from the back of his neck, down his spine, to his lower body – and Erwin holds his breath; because Levi doesn’t stop there.

His husband’s lips glide over his right butt cheek, breathing a kiss here and there on top of it. Then Levi uses his teeth to graze over Erwin’s sensitive skin, and goosebumps spread all over Erwin’s body, especially when Levi’s mouth moves to kiss the other cheek, bite into it playfully, while his fingers move between them and he’s tickling the wiry hair of Erwin’s ass crack with them, and Erwin’s growing more agitated with every second passing, because usually Levi’s face, his mouth, is nowhere _close_ to his ass, and now he’s asking himself, if it could possibly be that—

Suddenly, Levi moves to hover over him again, and Erwin turns his head around to catch a glimpse. In that very second Levi grabs both of his wrists again, pulling both of Erwin’s arms behind his body, guiding the blond man’s hands to rest on his enormous globes, whispering something so raw, it makes another cascade of tremendous shivers run down Erwin’s spine.

“I want to see your hole, Sir,” Levi purrs, “so please spread your ass for me…”

The deep and manly voice of his husband goes straight to the core of Erwin’s being, straight to his groin, making his trapped cock throb and almost even hurt a little, as he’s doing what Levi asks of him – spreading his ass cheeks, exposing his entrance to Levi’s hungry eyes, and as he does, his husband hums contentedly, and it’s an erotic sound, sending yet another wave of shivers across Erwin’s skin.

Then, Levi’s fingers slide down his crack again, begin circling his puckered sphincter, and Erwin’s eyes are closing on their own volition and he’s being a good boy: fingers spreading his ass cheeks as widely apart as possible – because he is hungry, too, and eager to obey, as always, extremely aroused, the lust he experiences nearly clouding his mind, no dark thoughts looming in any corner. There’s only raw desire.

And it feels terrific.

Erwin’s waiting for Levi to reach for the lube, already placed on the mattress next to him – but Levi doesn’t, merely caressing his husband’s hole without breaching the ring of muscles, and as he feels Levi shifting on the mattress behind him, between his spread, thick thighs, Erwin is unaware of what is to come, and his eyes shoot open when he feels it – Levi’s blazing breath brushing over his hole; and Erwin’s in a state one could possibly describe as panic and ecstasy at the same time.

Foremost, he is confused, and tells himself that this cannot possibly be what he thinks this is, because Levi has never rimmed him before, anybody in fact, and even though it’s Christmas and they’ve had this overdue, intimate talk, it cannot be that—

“ _Oh holy, fucking hell!_ ” it escapes his mouth in a most desperate fashion as Levi’s tongue suddenly flutters around his asshole, hot and wet and so freaking soft.

Erwin’s mind is totally blank. Eyes opened wide, mouth too, fingers digging almost painfully into his own ass cheeks and he continues to spread them, he cannot believe that this is happening.

But it is.

Levi’s hot tongue is circling his hole, and the more seconds pass, the more passionate its movements become. Levi’s licking his entrance as if it was tasty ice cream – and then suddenly he really chows down, pushing his tongue inside, and all Erwin can do is release a nearly obnoxious, desperate whine; because this is fucking surprising and overwhelming at once.

 _In a freaking good way_.

Erwin feels as if fireworks are exploding inside of his mind, heart and dick, even though he’s not orgasming yet – but this is the first time Levi’s licking his asshole, and it’s a moment Erwin thought would never come, and he wants to ask his husband if this is really okay, if he’s sure he wants to go on, because eating ass is the complete opposite of the raven’s fastidious being; he’s already so sensitive when it comes to _Erwin_ eating him out – and now he’s on the active side, and Erwin’s worried, but he cannot voice his concern. Because Levi’s hand’s moved between the bed and his body, grasped his dick, pulled it back so he can play with it better – which he does. His wet fingers, probably already coated with lube, stroking the length languidly, circling his cock head; just the way Levi’s tongue is circling his asshole when it’s not pushing inside of him. And all Erwin can do is moan and mewl – because it feels fucking incredible.

And it turns even more intense.

Because Levi decides to put his other hand to good use, too, his index finger pushing through the sphincter, brushing over his walls, stretching him, Levi’s hot tongue following, pushing inside, unfurling in the entrance to his guts. And as much as it is obscene, it is incredible – and Erwin is in no way able to contain his grunts and groans stemming from the pure pleasure both of Levi hands and his wet muscle are causing.

And as his wanton sounds turn louder, Levi’s ministrations become more forceful, the raven now practically fucking Erwin’s ass with his velvety tongue, while two of his fingers are probing his prostrate and he’s pumping his husband’s cock with his other slicked-up hand – and Erwin’s whole form is trembling, and his blood is boiling, his dick tingling in that extreme way, his balls nearly combusting; because he is so fucking close, because this is probably the best thing he’s ever fucking felt.

“Oh God,” he gasps, distraught, “Levi! P-please s-stop, I-I-I’m about to—“

He nearly comes.

He almost shoots his entire load.

One stroke, that’s all he would have needed, Erwin’s sure.

But his words worked like magic, made Levi stop immediately, made him withdraw his hands and mouth, and Erwin feels so empty and needy and he’s not entirely sure whether he’s whimpering or it’s all just in his mind, his cock throbbing almost painfully, his hips moving on their own, trying to rub his prick against the sheets, but that friction just isn’t enough.

It’s Levi’s voice that makes him stop. As well as the sound of a cap snapping open.

The lube.

“Keep your cheeks spread like this, Sir,” Levi commands, breathless, and Erwin swallows thickly, obeying, not moving his hands, remaining in the same position, shivering when he feels a big drop of Levi’s spit trickle down his crack and balls, reminding him of what has just happened.

_Of Levi eating him out for the very first time in all the twenty-two years they’ve been together._

Even though he knows what’s coming, Erwin startles a bit when Levi’s wet digits touch his hole, massage the ring of muscles, and it hurts a little when the raven-haired pushes in three of his lubed-up fingers. But Levi’s skilled, continuing to stroke Erwin’s cock very lightly, licking his balls faintly, while he stretches his husband open, and soon all Erwin can do is pant and moan and form incoherent words – because Levi’s fucking him with four of his fingers, deep, massaging his prostrate.

Erwin’s drooling all over the bed, his dick is twitching and tingling and his whole body is on fire – and he almost comes again.

This time, he doesn’t need to warn Levi though. It’s as if the man’s feeling it, his husband’s impending orgasm, and just as Erwin is about to shoot his load, Levi slides his fingers out of his ass, also stopping the ministrations of his other hand and tongue.

“Move a little up,” he breathes out, voice husky, and Erwin follows his command, crawling to the middle of the bed, feeling Levi following him. “Spread your legs further,” Levi instructs him and Erwin hears the cap of the lube snapping open one more time, knowing that Levi’s coating his dick with the thick gel, the image of this making his heart beat even faster, “and please spread your ass for me like you did before… Sir…” Levi adds another sinful request that makes Erwin shudder; and he obeys, his hands moving behind himself once more, doing as he is told, cool air brushing over his exposed asshole.

And then something else is brushing over Erwin’s entrance, teasing it in a tantalizing way. Something big and moist and warm. Erwin shudders as Levi is rubbing his cock head over his loosened hole, not pushing in yet – and the anticipation of this monster entering is nearly killing Erwin.

And he knows what Levi’s waiting for. Again. Because his husband loves this part when he’s in the mood for it. And he _so_ is.

“Please…” Erwin whines, pushing his ass back, trying to make his husband’s big sex glide in. He almost succeeds, earning a low groan from Levi who pulls back in the last second.

“…please what, Sir?” he growls, and it’s making Erwin’s skin crawl in that enticing way he has no words for.

“Please fuck me…”

He hears Levi clicking his tongue, waiting for a reply. Yet he doesn’t get one. Maybe because Levi is just as aroused as him, making Erwin yell out in surprise as he pushes the whole of his massive cock inside of his ass, breaching the sphincter, invading Erwin’s guts, stretching him wide open, making the man gasp and moan and cry out – all at the same time.

“Fuck…!” Levi groans, buried to the hilt in Erwin’s ass, hands planted to either side of his husband’s big body for support. “Fuck…” he pants again.

“Please fuck me…” Erwin hears himself whispering against the sheets, his forehead pressed against the mattress, telling Levi in this way that he is fine, that it doesn’t hurt, that he’s adjusted to the big dick infiltrating his body – and that he really, really, really wants him to start and—

And Levi starts fucking into him immediately, quickly setting up a raw rhythm. Just the way Erwin likes it: Levi’s thrusts are slow but deadly, carried out with so much force, it makes the whole freaking bed shake when he slams into Erwin; and the extremely loud sound of skin slapping against slim doesn’t make Erwin feel bad. It’s the opposite again: it arouses him even further, as do those prurient sounds coming from behind him, pouring from Levi’s mouth, who’s suddenly grabbing Erwin’s hips, his fingers pushing into the soft meat covering them nearly painfully, making Erwin flinch but also moan – because the way Levi’s holding him down and is ploughing into him is pushing all his lewd buttons.

His prick is rubbing against the mattress with every single one of Levi’s thrusts, and it feels so awesome, but it’s not enough to actually make him come, and one of his hands leaves his ass cheek, beginning to travel to his centre, between his body and the bed, wanting to take his cock, jerk it – but Levi stops him abruptly, grabbing his wrist and manoeuvring Erwin’s hands back to his ass.

“Sir,” he scolds him, and his breathless and at the same time stern voice goes straight to Erwin’s groin, making him groan, “I told you to keep your ass spread for me… didn’t I?”

“Ugh…!” is all Erwin can answer, his fingers pushing back into his globe, spreading his ass fully again; just as requested by his husband.

“Th-that’s it…” Levi praises – and then his voice hiccups and his thrusts become even harder. But also quicker. Until he is pistoning roughly and quickly into Erwin, fingernails digging into Erwin’s hips, Levi’s obscene cursing filling the room, making Erwin’s heat beat faster, his toes curling because it’s so erotic – and Levi’s hitting his sweet spot dead on, making Erwin shudder and shiver and his cock throb and then…

And then Levi comes, with the most guttural groan ever produced, his hips stilling, his whole body trembling as his squirming dick pumps all of his seed into Erwin’s anal canal.

“Fucking shit…!” Levi gasps, remaining with his cock stuck in Erwin’s ass for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath, until he grows soft and slides out of his husband’s entrance, lube mixed with his cum trickling out of Erwin’s hole, as Levi collapses right next to him, his back meeting the sheets, his hand reaching out to thread through Erwin’s hair as the big man turns his head to look at the raven-haired man who’s just fucked him so thoroughly.

Levi’s smiling, a bit naughty, but also satisfied, watching Erwin turn onto his side so he can face his husband better – and let him watch as he takes care of himself, finally reaching for his throbbing cock, wanting to bring himself to climax looking at Levi’s naked body right next to him, at his husband’s massive cock that has just invaded his ass and—

“No, _sugar_ ,” says Levi, repeatedly grabbing Erwin’s wrists, preventing the blond from touching his sex, making the blond literally growl in sexual frustration. But then their eyes meet again and Erwin can spot something extremely playful and wanton in Levi’s orbs, and the smirk on those thin lips intensifies.

“Wouldn’t you prefer to come inside me, Sir?” he asks, spreading his legs demonstratively, and Erwin needs a few seconds to understand what Levi is implying.

“…you want me to…?”

“I want _you_ to fuck _me_ now, Sir,” Levi specifies, breathless, “please… take me…” he breathes out, making Erwin’s cock harden even more, a thing he thought impossible. And when the raven suddenly takes Erwin’s hand and guides it to his mouth, taking in his fingers into his wet cavern, licking them with the same dedication he had showed when swallowing his cock, Erwin thinks he can climax nearly any second. “Spread me open,” Levi pleads, guiding Erwin’s hand down his body, to his asshole.

“Wait… _brat_ ,” Erwin rasps, voice cracking a little due to his deep arousal, Levi’s cum dripping out of his asshole as he moves his body to grab the bottle of lube, turning their little role play around, and Levi whimpers, “I’m not doing this without lube, brat,” Erwin says sternly, and Levi lets out a pleasurable sigh.

Erwin’s breathing heavily when he moves between Levi’s legs spread invitingly, and works his husband open pretty quickly, his hole still pretty loose from the night before. “That’s enough,” Levi breathes out, “please, I want your cum inside me, Sir…”

A feral growl leaves Erwin’s mouth and a tidal wave of arousal washes over him, and all he wants to do is push his cock inside of his husband’s ass – but he hesitates. Because even though Levi is holding out both of his arms out towards the blond, inviting him in, thighs spread to either side, both legs lifted up a little as to present his moist hole to his husband, Erwin hesitates. Because of his size. And not because he feels bad or ashamed – this is pure logic.

They haven’t done it in the missionary position for quite a while, because Erwin’s so heavy, and he could literally squeeze the living daylights out of his husband like this.

Erwin swallows.

“You…”, he begins, sounding weak and unsure, looking for the right words to convey his concerns, “I’m heavy Levi, and I… I really don’t mean it in a self-derogatory way, but: you know. Facts: I’m… big and—“

“Crush me,” Levi nearly moans, still holding out his arms, inviting Erwin in, encouraging to continue, to keep going the way the started. “Crush me, Sir,” he repeats, tone full of desire and yearning – and the remainder of Erwin’s sanity crumbles.

“Oh God…” he groans, reaching under Levi’s knees, lifting his legs even further up, spreading them, and when he’s looking down at Levi’s stretched wet hole – he nearly climaxes, swallowing thickly and he moves closer on his knees, aligning his stone-hard cock with his husband’s entrance, vowing to just remain on his knees and not lower his belly, his whole weight onto Levi; and then he pushes in.

…and Levi’s insides feel amazing. They are the best thing on this whole entire planet, the raven’s tight passage squeezing all around Erwin’s dick, trying to milk it straight away, all hot and wet thanks to all the lube Erwin’s used, and the blond man moans loudly and without any inhibitions as he begins to move his hips, thrusting into his husband – who totally sabotages his plans on remaining in their current position, at some point simply grabbing both of Erwin’s shoulders, using the moment of surprise to pull him down, making him practically fall forward, fall on Levi, Erwin’s big belly pressing against the slender form, pushing it further down and into the mattress; and Levi’s arms are crossing behind Erwin’s back, preventing him from tilting up again, keeping him where he is while moaning lowly, almost like an animal.

“Fuck, yeah, just like that, Sir…!” Levi hisses out, strained, probably due to the heavy weight resting on top of him – but Erwin is too far gone to do something about it, buried to fucking deep in Levi’s ass, his dick as well as brain pulsating. He’s feeling hot all over, his balls tingling like they haven’t tingled in a long-ass fucking time.

…and that’s why the whole act doesn’t last long. That’s why it’s so messy. So raw.

Erwin just needs a few hard thrusts – and everything inside of him explodes, his vision even going white for a few split seconds and he climaxes, his dick shooting his cum into Levi’s guts, who’s moaning into his ear, still practically clinging to him, glued to him.

“Oh God…” Erwin pants, now almost blacking out, still shuddering as his seed his leaving him, and with it all the arousal departs, leaving him all fucked-out behind, all the energy drained. “Oh God…”

He pulls out and rolls of Levi, the afterglow of his orgasm omnipresent, making him feel blessed and light-headed. As if he’d drunk more than just the wine. But as time passes, both men beginning to breathe normally again after a phase of after-sex panting, Erwin’s concerns return.

He turns his head to look a Levi, who has his eyes closed. “Are you okay? Did I… did I hurt you?” Erwin asks in a tender fashion, reaching out with his hand to brush a few dark strands from Levi’s damp forehead.

Levi opens his eyes and turns his head, his mouth still partly opened, trying to calm his breathing. He’s smirking lightly. “Fuck…” he huffs out, “I love it when you take me like this… Sir…” he adds, chuckling.

“…I guess that’s a no to my question…?” Erwin probes, and Levi’s turning to his side, groaning a little.

“Erwin… you’re heavy, yes. But I told you to crush me – do I need to spell it out for you that I like it when you almost suffocate me with your weight? You should know by now that I’m a kinky pervert.”

Erwin blinks. And then he chuckles. “Um… okay…” he says – but deep down his husband’s words make him wanna jump up in happiness. Because if he has to be honest: he really enjoyed ‘crushing’ Levi like that…

“I love you,” Levi whispers, scooting closer, and Erwin also turns to his side so that he can face his husband.

They kiss. And their lips touch in a chaste way, all the raw lust having left their bodies already – and Erwin cannot, once again, find the right words to describe just how fucking happy he is. Cuddling with Levi, holding the man of his dreams in his arms, he realizes how much he needed that talk, and how important it was for his husband to give him… a reality check. Because Erwin had no idea how much misery he’d caused with all his stupid dieting.

Because that’s what it is. Stupid.

And for the first time in a long period Erwin feels totally… He feels totally fine the way he is, because of the way Levi’s looking into his eyes right now, smiling so peacefully, his look one of utter adoration and devotion, and Erwin vows to do whatever it takes to make this marriage work, to have ten more years with Levi, twenty, fuck it – to stay happy with him for the rest of their lives, just like they promised each other at the altar. Because Levi is the best thing that’s ever happened to him and he cannot imagine a life without the raven-haired. He doesn’t want to. And he never wants to repeat the events from the time he turned 30. Never.

He kisses Levi. Again, and again, and his husband’s chuckling lightly, kissing back, caressing, murmuring sweet words, until they decide to finally clean up and move down to the sofa, letting Titan out into the garden, watching him run around drinking another cup of the mulled wine. And then, Levi has another surprise for Erwin, which the blond gladly accepts: a bowl of self-made ice cream. Erwin’s favourite flavour: cookies and cream. And it tastes fantastic. And Erwin doesn’t give a shit how many calories his portion has, doesn’t deny a second one, just enjoys it – and Levi enjoys watching him eat and be contented, and Erwin almost explodes. But not because he is so full, but because of all the happiness inside of him.

“Bed?” Levi suggests at around midnight and Erwin nods, yawning automatically.

They change the sheets ad lying down in a freshly-made bed does not only make Levi happy. They move into Erwin’s favourite innocent position and he gets to spoon his lovely small husband, and feels utterly satisfied.

“Honey,” Erwin says after another round of cuddling.

“Huh…?” Levi murmurs and Erwin’s fingers card through his dark hair, the blond man smiling as pushes his forehead against Levi’s undercut.

“Thank you,” the blond murmurs.

“…for what?”

“Everything.”

Levi sighs contentedly. “Thank _you_ , Erwin,” he then responds.

“…for what?”

“Everything,” the raven replies, and Erwin’s holds Levi even tighter, peppering his nape with feather light kisses, making Levi chuckle quietly.

“You’re tickling me, dumbass,” he complains faintly, voice laced with amusement, his nimble fingers stroking Erwin’s arms wrapped around him.

“Sorry…” Erwin mumbles and a moment of quiet passes, making Erwin believe Levi’s already fallen asleep. But he’s wrong.

“Erwin?” the raven says quietly.

“Yes?”

“We need to fuck more often,” comes the blunt remark that has Erwin snickering. But Levi isn’t wrong.

“I agree,” Erwin replies, nodding faintly.

“Twice a week,” Levi continues, “that’s my new minimum.”

“O-okay…” Erwin agreed, chuckling lightly.

“I’m serious,” Levi insists.

“I know, darling,” Erwin breathes, planting another kiss on Levi’s neck, “and I’m all for it.”

“And I wanna top more often.”

…that remark sends a shiver down Erwin’s spine. “That would be nice…” he murmurs, making Levi suddenly turn around to face him, kiss him on the mouth.

“And I want to eat you out again,” he states – and another rush of light arousal travels through Erwin’s body.

“I must say, I… I was surprised wh-when you did that today…” he mutters and Levi huffs out a breathy laugh.

“I didn’t plan to,” he admits, “but… I guess I got carried away, because… I really wanted you to feel good and understand how much… I’m attracted to you. How much I want you Erwin,” he says, his hand caressing Erwin’s chest, and the blond man’s heart feels so warm, and he’s smiling, breathing a kiss onto his husband’s forehead. “Do you get it now?” Levi asks, and Erwin’s smile turns even softer.

“I do,” he says – really meaning it.

“Good.”

“Um…” Erwin then begins, pressing his lips together because he is slightly nervous, “did you… um… did you like… licking me?”

“…would I be wanting to do it again if I didn’t?” Levi deadpans, and snickers. “Dumbass…” he adds, kissing Erwin’s chin. “I really loved the sounds you made when I took you apart like that…” he then whispers, and Erwin’s feeling as if he could pop a boner any second now, pulling Levi close against his body. “And it’s actually not disgusting at all,” Levi adds, making Erwin smile.

“I love you,” he whispers and feels Levi tighten his embrace, pushing his head further against his broad chest that he likes so much.

“I love you, too.”

And then Erwin says something that’s been on his mind for quite a while now. “Wanna get a cat?”

A moment of silence passes and then Levi untangles himself from Erwin, propping himself up on his elbow to look into his husband’s face, the moonlight pouring in from between the blinds making this possible. “What?” he spits. “How… how on earth did you get from eating ass to getting a cat?!” he laughs, and Erwin joins in, shrugging.

“It suddenly crossed my mind,” he answers, “I mean: it’s been on there for quite a while. And I just happened to be thinking about it – unrelated to eating ass… I know you love Titan, but I also know that you’re truly a cat person and I’ve witnessed Titan being friendly with so many cats that I believe this could work out… if you want to have one…?”

Levi’s silent for a few seconds, and Erwin’s sure his plan of making his husband happy backfired. But he’s wrong. So wrong. Because in the next moment Levi is practically throwing himself against Erwin, hugging him even tighter than before. “Oh fuck, that would be awesome, _sugar_!” he’s exclaiming – and Erwin can’t help but smile like a daft motherfucker.

Because witnessing Levi being this happy makes Erwin happy. So utterly, fucking happy he could cry. But he doesn’t. Instead, he kisses Levi, holds him close.

And when they wake up the next morning, Levi cannot stop talking about the cat, and it’s impossibly cute, and Erwin, once again, cannot get enough of looking at his husband, and he cannot wait to take him to the shelter to pick out their new family member.

Because this is what they are: a family.

And Erwin Ackerman wouldn’t have it any other way.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear everybody,
> 
> D'oki and I cannot believe that we have reached this day and the fourth and final chapter of our Christmas collab is published... We hope that you have enjoyed each part and every piece of art just as much as we had fun creating them together. We thank you for every like, retweet, every line dropped on Twitter and here. Your words on this mean the world to us and have brightened our Christmas indeed!
> 
> D'oki asked me to tell you explicitly how much she loves you all for the support you have given us and that this was and is definitely an adventure that we will gladly go on again - and I couldn't agree more!
> 
> In fact, I have a little fatwin-goodie you can all thank Bucky and their #12daysoferuri event for: https://twitter.com/Buckarts/status/1201694963987341312?s=20 I have composed a little something for the prompt "New Year's kiss" - the short piece will be published on 31st of December and we will meet chubby Erwin, his husband Levi and their tiny dog Titan again! YAY! I just couldn't part with them yet ^^
> 
> I think I am rambling because it really hurts a little to be sying goodbye to "Cookies & Cream" but I am also excited for you to read the final part. And if you like it - leave us a final comment. We appreciate it VERY much!
> 
> Katrina + D'oki
> 
> PS: 
> 
> D'oki will be posting her final art pieces today, so get your ass onto Twitter! ;-) https://twitter.com/Eruvin_Smisu
> 
> I gathered all updates and art posts in thread, in case you missed some: https://twitter.com/SummoningIsis/status/1196112561843965952?s=20


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